Written by: Ceza Ouzounian, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Again he is dismissing your feelings. Making out you are overreacting to something.
You know deep down you aren’t overreacting. You are upset and you want your partner to take ownership of his part in it.
But he keeps dismissing it and blaming you for overreacting, again it is your fault. If you don’t want to be upset, don’t overreact.
He knows he is hurting you but is refusing to look at his part in the situation.
You feel like what is the point of talking to him when you are upset, even when he isn’t involved he dismisses your feelings.
When you are frustrated by work and just want him to listen so you can offload and talk about it, but instead, he finds a way to belittle you and make you feel bad.
When you get upset because for the 100th time he is being the understanding friend and listener to some random person’s problems but can’t be that to you, you are the crazy, jealous one.
When you want to bring up a difficult situation in the relationship that needs to be addressed, he tells you you’ll talk about it tomorrow, but tomorrow never comes. The issue stays unresolved.
When you want to be intimate and show love and affection to him, he says you are a weaker human giving into your sexual desires.
There is always a reason to put your feelings down.
Slowly you are starting to feel unheard and unworthy.
You close down because what is the point of showing emotion or speaking about it. And when you do have an outburst from shutting down all your feelings it just reinforces his “you are crazy and can’t control your emotions” chat. You are sick and tired of being dismissed.
Sick and tired of being the unimportant one. Sick and tired of feeling so closed up. You are becoming like him. And you hate that.
You are questioning why you are putting up with this, still holding onto that hope that he will open up and hear you and be the partner you desire, who cares how you feel, who wants you to feel good, who is there to support you however you are doing, who talks to you with respect.
If you are in this place, I’m sorry you are in this place, it’s a rubbish place to be. I’m going to give you some steps to help you feel better and decide what to do next. You don’t know what to do next.
Step 1: Let go
Let go of everything you are feeling now. Go somewhere private, where you won’t be disturbed, and journal or say out loud how you are feeling.
When we start shutting down our feelings, it just festers away inside, so let’s tap into them and get them out.
Start journaling on how you feel about being dismissed, not being able to talk to your partner, how they talk to you, all the things you wished you could say to them.
Keep writing until there is nothing to write. Write whatever comes to mind, don’t think about it, just write. This is just for you, no one else is going to see it or hear it (if you are talking out loud).
While you do this exercise allow whatever feelings coming up to come up. If you get angry, let yourself get angry. If you want to cry, cry. If you want to scream into a pillow, do it. Get those emotions out.
Step 2: How do you want things to be?
You’ve let go of everything you’ve been holding in and feeling as a result of being dismissed.
Now, it is time to tune into how you want things to be in your relationship. You can visualise it or write it down, whatever method works best for you. I want you to think about how you see the future of your relationship, are you able to openly talk to your partner? How do they react? How are they with you? Do they talk to you openly? How do those difficult conversations go? How do you feel in all of these moments?
As you visualise, really tune into your feelings. How does it feel to be able to have that kind of relationship?
Take your time with this exercise, sometimes it helps to write down everything then visualise it. The main thing is you feel into how it could be and hold that visual and feeling for a little while.
Step 3: What does your gut say?
You may be feeling like you don’t know what to do next, but deep down you know the answer. It can be hard to get to that answer when you are having a thousand different thoughts and emotions on what to do, but trust me it is there.
Step 1 was to remove the resistances that will cloud the real answer of what to do next. Step 2 was giving you the chance to tap into what is possible and get into a more positive energy.
Close your eyes and ask yourself what is the next best step for you.
You may not get the answer straight away, and it may come in a thought, a picture, a feeling, a sign, or your inner voice whispering it to you (possibly shouting it to you), however, you get your intuitive messages, listen out for it.
When you get that message it’ll come with a deeper knowing and feeling that this is the right next step for you. Listen to it and trust it, and if you can act on it straight away before all of the resistances try to cloud your actions.
If you find you don’t act on it and shy away from doing whatever that next step is, don’t worry, you’ll keep getting that message until you act on it. Sometimes we need to hear the message from our intuition several times until we do something because it can be a scary next step.
Trusting your intuition (gut instinct) can make such a difference in your life and it can take practise tuning into it. I would recommend steps 1 and 2 until you get used to listening to your intuition as it helps tune into it from a positive place rather than a negative.
I know it can be really hard when you are in a relationship with someone who dismisses your feelings and it can really affect how you feel about yourself. If you need to work on this in more depth or just want to reach out to me, please get in touch.
You are worth being appreciated and being recognised.
Ceza Ouzounian, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Ceza Ouzounian is a Relationship Coach, an Energy Alignment Method Mentor, Fitness Instructor, best-selling author, and speaker. She helps successful entrepreneurial women have the relationship they desire. Ceza knows exactly what is required to have a relationship you love that is full of support, passion, and love and has helped many women reach their desired relationship. She shares the valuable lessons from her own journey and what she has learned from work with clients and those around her to support her clients to have their dream relationship.
