Six Traits That Identify Self-Betrayal
- Brainz Magazine
- May 12
- 5 min read
Written by Latasha Nicole Phillips, Life Purpose Coach
SoulFlwr LLC is a sacred service-oriented business with a focus on assisting those who come in contact with personal development progression with a focus on the self.
Let’s face the facts. We may not care what others think, but we certainly prefer to be liked. It’s like we have this deep hunger inside of us to be seen, to be heard, and to belong. Then, on top of that, we want it to be significant. Don’t fret, this is okay. This is a human response and a natural occurrence. It is perfectly normal to feel this way.
Still, there is this elephant in the room for many of our social and interpersonal interactions about our hunger to be validated. It is embedded within many of our social cues. And if we are not consciously aware, we can fall into the multitude of traps that lead to self-betrayal. This is a vicious cycle that can lead to many paths of self-sabotage and even self-destruction over time. Let's get into what self-betrayal is and how to identify when we behave this way so that we can free ourselves to live healthy, interdependent lives.
Self-betrayal defined
Self-betrayal is caring so much about what others think that we hide what is tru for us from them. It is the small moments where we lack integrity for the sake of external validation at the cost of our personal values. This imbalance creates an intense feeling of inner disharmony with a painful inner undercurrent.
The moment that this occurs, we begin to accumulate toxic nostalgia. David Viscott ( an American psychiatrist and author) defines toxic nostalgia as a "subtle mixture of feelings, attitudes, perspectives, and needs from different ages all showing themselves at once as the unresolved past attempts to define the present".Toxic nostalgia then produces a shadow suppression which creates pathways to countless forms of suffering. If we continue to self-betray, it can eventually lead to psychological unrest. These cycles produce pain that can either be a catalyst for us to change for the better or to self-sabotage that leads to exposure that inspires recompense or self-destruction.
What causes self-betrayal?
The main cause of self-betrayal is fear. We can struggle to accept and speak up for what is true for us, then we have yet to process and heal from what occurred. Everything has a place and we can think that we are ridding ourselves of our painful
memories/experiences through denying, avoiding, suppressing, and repressing them but that is untrue. This is only a temporary relief that backlashes like scratching a skin rash for temporary relief that transforms into great discomfort and pain.
Examples of self-betrayal can be applied to many common experiences. Social media is a primary example of where we can constantly self-betray, even up to a global level. Other examples can involve being quiet on a disagreement, exhibiting illicit behaviors that lead to living a double life, groupthink, coerced consent, and codependent behaviors. One of the biggest ones that we deal with at Soulflwr is unforgiveness, shame, guilt, and distrust in ourselves.
Someone highly susceptible to self-betrayal is the leading edge divergent. Please see our article about how to identify if this is you. We also speak about this type of individual in our Soul Garden podcast and how Unbound Existence through Mastery learning is the best path for them.
Another prime candidate for self-betrayal is victims of childhood trauma. Self-betrayal commonly develops as a survival instinct that plagues these individuals over time. Due to the fact that self-development is altered by an extreme external event like trauma, wounds can form within us that root us in behaviors persuading us to self-betray–even when we logically know better.
These wounds convince us that going against our personal integrity at the moment is harmless. But that isn’t how energy works. It must be transformed into something else in order for us to be free of it and any outcome attached to it. Understandably, it can take a LOT of courage to face situations where we feel vulnerable to exploitation, harm, and disempowerment. What we don’t realize is that the more difficult our past, the easier it is for us to self-betray. That is why it is imperative for us to set our intentions to forgive what has hurt us. Running away will eventually become unreliable. We cannot outrun the pain. This is not a matter of if but of time. We cannot escape who we are, we can only face us, especially when it isn’t who we wanted to be at some point.
Six common traits of self-betrayal
Self-betrayal is a behavior that manifests in a myriad of forms that are deeply rooted in our painful experiences. Here are six traits that can help us identify where self-betrayal can show up in our daily lives.
Dimissing our intuition: This is the top way to compromise our ability to make healthy decisions.
Harboring cognitive dissonance: These are areas where we refuse to see things as they are despite what we desire for them to be in the moment.
Exhibiting low self-worth: There is a quote that says, “whether you can or can’t, either way, you are right.” This speaks to the truth that if we believe and trust in ourselves, we can change the trajectory of self-betrayal’s impact on our lives.
Victim consciousness: Areas where we are avoiding accountability are doors wide open for self-betrayal.
History of Invalidation: If we have a history of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors being dismissed and unseen as valid and understandable we are a prime attraction for self betrayal. PTSD victims, Black sheeps, scapegoats, and other leading edge divergents reside here.
Toxic Nostalgia: Because we are storing toxic nostalgia (see definition) in our psyche, we create a blindspot to how we perceive our environment. This blindspot makes us numb to the triggers that inevitably activate involuntary shadow behaviors in order to prompt us for energetic release of toxic energy.
Facing self-betrayal
So, how do we deal with self-betrayal? Our primary focus is by just being aware of its existence. Do not underestimate the power of your awareness. By facing our self-betrayal with awareness, our potential to grow personally is significant, leading to healing on unprecedented levels.
Since self-betrayal is rooted in our fear of rejection, our fear of insignificance, and our desire to conform, freedom from it is simple. In conjunction with our awareness, we must tell ourselves the truth in each and every situation. Our next task is to allow that truth to permeate our lives where we neglected ourselves, with loving kindness and compassion rooted in self-forgiveness.
We are aware of the magnitude of a journey like this. The courage and integrity that it calls for are great. That is why we here at SoulFlwr have accumulated tools which can quickly redirect you from the painful throes of self-betrayal into the comfort that healing self-forgiveness and empowerment can bring. Just contact us by email or chat on any of our platforms, or you can reach out to us here. You can also listen to our Soulgarden podcast on YouTube for more information. We are honored to assist you in any way possible. Please like, share, and subscribe to our platforms where you can and stay tuned for further developments to come in our sacred service to you!
Read more from Latasha Nicole Phillips
Latasha Nicole Phillips, Life Purpose Coach
Latasha Phillips & Shawn Cross are African American female leaders in mastery learning and meditation fields who assist others in personal development and self-improvement endeavours. They have two decades of experience with various tools and resources that they currently use to live lives of inner peace and fulfillment. They created Soulflwr LLC as a sacred service to all who are ready to heal their past and themselves.
