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Redefining Our Pain Helps Us Create A New Narrative

Written by: Juliette Marhofer-Dugger, Senior Level Executive Contributor

Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.


A few months ago I paused in my day to listen to a podcast. The guest shared how he and his wife had a conversation around doing less. He shifted his focus to this new mantra, “To do less and become obsessed with that.” It resonated with me on many levels. "Oh yes, less sounds inviting," I thought to myself. But can we still live with ourselves if we let go of what seemingly keeps us happy or preoccupied?

Frequently I'm asked, “ Juliette, what do you do to bring order to chaos?” Seasons change and change ushers in seasons. External and internal. Ebb and flow. Redefining pain in our lives to fit a new narrative or restructuring our existence to accommodate the unexpected, maybe even the uninvited, is hard work. Can we make our little house a homebody, soul, and spirit? Can we have pieces lying around us and be at peace even when the ash heaps, the remnants of what could've been, are a terrifying reminder of what we feared most? So, there or here we sit in the aftermath of the fire. Did this fire keep everyone else around you warm while you suffered? In case you don't like what you see, consider the possibilities of another side this story desires to tell you. Releasing and reconciling the pieces, the people, and the pain, doesn't leave us powerless. It positions us for power! I believe inside of you is unwavering perseverance to rewrite your story. Is the pain in your life a signal to pursue all that is meant for you? What seems to grip our will also feels that it defines us. In my book, Watershed Warrior, I share, “Trauma shapes us — it’s our choice if it defines us.” Choosing to live with intention equips us to sift through the desperation in our souls and seek what supports our journey to wholeness. Personally, I find my way back to peace by redefining the pieces of pain left in the wake of suffering and then, new rhythms surface. Each of us attack problems from unique perspectives, different angles, and at times, fierce angst. Rhythms have become my obsession. No one can give them to me or feel it for me, yet when it’s developing, I know it. I love to dance! I discovered my rhythm when I was very young. I feel myself moving to music even when I'm standing still. I write to music, run to music, and relax with music. As simple as this sounds, it’s essential to me and I feel my atmosphere shift as the music pulls me out of darkness into light. It fills me with joy, my friends, pure joy. This is the love rhythms offer our soul. Routines keep us sane and support us while rhythms captivate our souls, inspire our creativity, and sustain us!

Consider rhythms of grace found in sacred spaces we choose to embrace. Eventually, as we seek rhythms full of faith, the rhythms find us. Just like I can feel the music whether I'm sitting still or moving, I fully feel connected to God, myself, and others when I step into a sacred space of living an intentional life. An example of a sacred space in my life is solitude. I let the unrequited stillness pull me out of pain as I journal about areas that need to be redefined to create my new narrative. This practice gently opens my hands and then, traveling light in my soul becomes a sweet companion.

When we seek connection over perfection and choose release over holding out in fear, refreshing arrives.

Pause here, grab a journal, and use these four prompts to consider the possibilities of another side this story desires to tell you:

  1. What areas of my soul need pieces released in order for me to travel lighter in my daily life?

  2. What are painful places in my story I know it's time to redefine?

  3. What are the rhythms I practice now which I desire to deepen?

  4. What routines have me going through the motions I desire to exchange for rhythms of grace?

After journaling, pause in reflection and ask yourself, “How did that feel to release, redefine, and deepen what I needed most?”

Rhythms of grace and relentless love are calling your name. You got this ‒ it's time to see yourself for who you really are. Your instincts might be to tighten your grip on reality, on all that feels tangible.

Faith isn't denying our reality. It is an invitation to embrace all that is meant for us and take a leap into our new narrative!

Chin up warrior, there's more to us than all the scars and pain. We have a story to tell of all we have overcome! Those war tattoos we call scars become our transformation story to encourage another weary traveler to rise triumphantly! Let’s go get ‘em tiger!

Until next time, cheers friend!

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Juliette Marhofer-Dugger, Senior Level Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine

Juliette Dugger is a Life Coach, Speaker, Entrepreneur, and Thought Leader, whose obsession with Soul Care points others to rewrite their story and not to relive history. After childhood and adulthood trauma caused a collision of abandonment and a longing for intimate belonging in her soul, she created dialogue to radically transform her narrative. Juliette has committed her life to helping others recover their breath in the middle of the war in their soul, not after it ends! She is the founder of WildWell Company—a movement of freeing the mind and healing the body through Soul Care for females affected by systemic cycles and patterns of mental, emotional, and spiritual abuse and betrayal trauma. Juliette is passionate about reframing soul hygiene to disrupt the view of how we connect to faith, ourselves, and others to create a life of wonder!



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