Written by: Lois Wagner, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
So much is spoken about resilience these days. We have all had to develop resilience because of the limitations placed on us due to Covid. Some argue that you are born with it, that it depends on genetic factors, and we inherit it, and others debate that it is an acquired trait. I believe that we can all learn to build our resilience if we understand the characteristics of a resilient person.
Resilience is defined by Oxford Dictionary as:
(of a person or animal) able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions.
(of a substance or object) able to recoil or spring back into shape after bending, stretching, or being compressed.
Two concepts are important here: recover quickly and spring back. I used to believe that resilience was your ability to bounce back after facing adversity but have come to believe that you never “bounce” or “spring” back. You scramble, climb, claw, or fight your way back. And then you never really get back to where you were before. You are somehow changed forever, but you do return to a meaningful life.
Resilience, for me, is my courage, creativity, and optimism that gets me back up, working with renewed energy and greater strength, determination, and control after facing a difficult challenge. Resilience prepares us for growth. It is the mindset that says we must get back up onto our feet after a challenge or facing adversity.
Resilience is about returning to a meaningful yet different life.
We can develop resilience, that skill to withstand, adapt to, and recover from adversity and stress.
We do this by maintaining or returning to our original mental health or well-being using effective coping strategies. We can focus on things over which we can have personal control and where we can have an impact. This empowers us and prevents us from feeling lost and powerless.
We first need to understand how the experience had an impact on us and how we coped. We need to understand what we will be losing and what we will be gaining as we start returning to normality.
Characteristics Of Someone With Resilience
To understand the nature of someone who has the attributes of resilience, I have created a list of characteristics to describe the strengths, traits, and coping mechanisms of someone who is resilient. Such a person:
Is self-aware – knows their strengths and challenges
Has high self-esteem
Has an energized mojo/happiness/eudaimonia (human flourishing and happiness)
Is optimistic and has a predisposition to accept challenges and risks and a healthy outlook on the future
Is willing to leave their comfort zone and face their fears
Has a good and healthy sense of humor – able to laugh at their own misfortune
Has a role model to draw strength from and to learn from, and emulate
Has emotional intelligence
Has meaning and purpose in life – strong aspirations and goals
Has passion for life and projects
Has a strong character with moral strength and integrity - strong belief in what is right and wrong
Is altruistic – helpful, kind with love and compassion
Believes that they matter, that their life matters, and that they can contribute to the world
Remains calm under pressure
Has a rational thought process
Has problem-solving skills
Is persistent
Has perseverance
Is determined
Has willpower
Has self-discipline
Is self-confident – believes that they can handle whatever comes their way
Knows that they can learn from every experience, good or challenging
Is self-reliant
Has a good work/life balance
Has many and diverse interests – hobbies, activities, social interactions
Is socially competent – gets along with others
Has a sense of adventure and curiosity
Is adaptable, agile, and flexible in changing circumstances – knowing what can be controlled or managed
Has a strong social support structure
Has active coping strategies
These are a lot of skills and attributes – and you can develop most of them with the right support and guidance.
Developing the R's of the Resilience
Keep the hope alive that you will move forward when the initial shock of your change, challenge, adversity, or crisis has subsided. You may not be there YET. You will develop resilience with focus and practice.
Responsibility:
Take personal responsibility for what has happened and for how you reacted to it. Take responsibility for your behavior and for your own mental and physical well-being. Take personal control and focus your efforts where you can have an impact.
Respond:
You have a choice regarding how you respond to your challenge or adversity, or trauma. You can choose to be overwhelmed and to panic, or you can choose to remain calm. You can decide to be logical and to look for solutions.
Resist:
Resist the urge to give up. Please stop what you are physically doing, pause, take a deep breath in, create a positive affirmation, and repeat it. Breathe out.
Reflect:
Reflect on how you are, on what is happening, and on how you are feeling about things. For healing to start and for you to return to the meaningful life that you had before the trauma, you need to stop and think about the life lessons this experience is giving you.
Reframe:
Put the feeling into a new frame. Think about it differently and positively. Find another description for the emotion. Practise thought awareness and keep your thoughts and words constructive and optimistic.
Refocus:
Change the focus of your lens. Sharpen or soften the intensity of the emotions. Ask questions to enable you to see the situation more clearly. Practice cognitive restructuring[2] and change the way that you think about the situation.
Redirect:
Change direction. Replace the negative emotion with positive feelings.
Reach out, Reintegrate, Regroup, Reconnect, Relationships:
Connect with family and friends and with the greater community.
Refuel:
Keep healthy. Eat well-balanced, nutritious meals.
Relaxation and Recreation:
It is important that you nurture yourself. Take regular exercise. Do something fun. Ensure uninterrupted sleep. When you take care of your mind and body, you're better able to cope effectively with challenges in your life.
Research and Relevance:
Examine alternative healing therapies and modalities. If one does not work, it may not be the right one for you.
Robustness:
Commit to your values and beliefs, to your relationships and causes. To your goals. Measuring and monitoring your progress will support you in absorbing and managing unexpected shocks and triggers.
Reroute and Recreate with Resourcefulness:
Get creative. What have you learned from this experience? What is the best outcome you can expect? What else can you do? Challenge the difficulty and find innovative ways of responding.
Risk:
Step out of your comfort zone, do something new and different.
Recovery:
When you can be adaptable and can respond with agility and flexibility, you are better able to return to a life of normality. Remember, this adversity could turn into an opportunity.
Reveal:
Take credit for your growth and learning. Share your learning with others and help them to build their resilience.
In my next article, I will talk about growing grit.
Lois Wagner, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Lois Wagner: Your friend for forgiveness. Helping you move from victim to survivor to thriver and beyond and then to freedom, after facing a life or business challenge or adversity.
Lois lost a business and went bankrupt. She was attacked, raped, and left for dead. She was forced into retirement and experienced many other challenges. Her work is based on these personal major adversities and life experiences. Lois learned to forgive (she forgave the rapist and the business partner who betrayed her) and moved on to a more rewarding and fulfilling life.
Lois guides you through building your resilience and grit, developing a growth mindset, energizing your mojo, and learn to forgive. This is achieved via one-on-one coaching, group masterminds, and keynote presentations.
Lois’s book – Walking Without Skin: A Journey of Healing – From Fear to Forgiveness to Freedom is part memoir and self-help guide.
Fly Free with Lois – Your Friend for Forgiveness
