Proven Strategies To Escape The Cycle Of Depression And Reclaim Your Life
- Brainz Magazine
- Dec 5, 2024
- 4 min read
Updated: Mar 16
Written by Nicoleen Flamekeeper, Holistic Healing Coach
Nicoleen, The Flamekeeper is a leader in holistic healing. 10 years bed bound with chronic illness, on life support repressed memories of childhood sexual abuse were released, revealing how energy poisons mind, body and spirit. She is the Creator of the Phoenix Program 1:1 transformational coaching to heal trauma and rekindle your self-confidence.
Do you feel like you are locked in an endless spin cycle of despair and gloom, colours fading to grey, and nothing coming out in the wash? Does every day seem to just roll into the next, days into months, months into years without any change or hope, no matter what you do? This was my life.
Sadcycle’ by Nicoleen Flamekeeper. See more spiritual paintings and ltd edition art here
In my 20s, I ran as far away from my unhappy childhood, the control of the religious cult I grew up in, and the narcissistic abuse from my mother as I could, but I couldn’t outrun the emotions that were trapped within me. There was something buried deep within, but I was desperate to avoid knowing what it was. For 12 years, I ran mindlessly on the hamster wheel of my career, fuelled by adrenaline and alcohol.
Alcohol to numb the pain during depression
I became an alcoholic to dull the perpetual anxiety and intense pain I felt. I lived on a knife edge, hypervigilant, unable to relax. When I drank, I became a very different person, confident, arrogant even, and, to be honest, a real bitch.
No matter what brassy, alcohol-fuelled spirit high I rose to by night, the next morning, my constant companions, the twin wraiths of depression and anxiety, were always waiting for me. When I crashed, I burned, and each time there was less of me to scrape off the floor.
The screaming headache was accompanied by the snipping relentless voice, confirming I wasn’t enough, I was worthless, and it was only a matter of time before I was cast out on the street where I belonged.
I worked myself to death in an attempt to prove I was worthy to an uncaring megalithic industry that didn’t even know I existed. I devoted 70-hour weeks to such trivialities as cereal, chain store fashion, and fast cars in the advertising industry, and the constant exhaustion was worth every minute to me because it ensured I had no time to feel.
The necessary collapse before rebuilding
It all came to a crashing end when my body collapsed from years of stress, neglect and abuse triggered by systemic viral issues and pregnancy. My battery ran out, and I flat-lined, ending up mostly bed-bound for 10 years.
My days were a blur of migraines, exhaustion, crippling depression and anxiety.
I was lost in an impenetrable fog. For years, I was stuck on the un-merry-go-round of doctors, specialists, and a bewildering assortment of antidepressants and anti-anxiety drugs. The medication turned me as grey as the fog I drifted in. I could no longer feel the intensity of the pain, but I also couldn’t feel joy.
Two miscarriages brought me even greater self-loathing. Despite all this medication, I still managed to chalk up three creative and unique ways to kill myself: Plan A, B, and C. Still foggy from the operation to remove my second dead child, I begged not to be sent home because I knew I was ready to enact Plan A.
Insanity is repeating the same actions expecting different results
What I didn’t realise at the time was that this opportunity to just stop and get off the hampster wheel of life was the greatest gift I had been given. My former colleagues, whom I envied so much for being able to continue their high-flying careers while I was having to stay put in bed, actually had no choice but to keep going. Trust me, there is no time for soul-searching between campaigns for diapers and toothpaste, but I had this gift, this opportunity.
I began thinking about my life and the fact that I was dying and considering what sort of impact I had had on the world. What sort of legacy was I leaving? I looked in the mirror and did not like the angry, defensive, exhausted and bitter woman I saw there, and decided to change her.
With guidance from the archangels, I began to consider my every thought, every action, and every reaction. I began to learn the difference between reacting and responding.
The wound is not your fault, but the healing is your responsibility
When you hear the word responsibility, perhaps you may feel triggered. Responsibility appears to carry weight and judgement. However, this perception is not the truth. Responsibility simply means your ability to respond. You can choose not to reenact the same old way of being and instead choose a new path that will lead you to an entirely different destination.
It is possible to finally leave trauma behind and create a new pathway for your life. Reach out here for a free breakthrough call to gain clarity on what may be holding you back from creating the fulfilling, joyful life you deserve.
Nicoleen Flamekeeper, Holistic Healing Coach
Nicoleen Flamekeeper is the Flamekeeper, a holistic healing coach transforming mind, body and spirit. 10 years bed-bound with chronic illness, on life support, repressed memories of childhood sexual abuse were released, revealing how energy poisons mind, body, and spirit. She is skilled at healing sexual abuse, domestic violence and narcissistic abuse, that results in low self-worth, alcoholism, addiction, depression, anxiety and chronic illness. She is the Creator of the Phoenix program: 1:1 transformational coaching. Her mission: help you heal from trauma and rekindle your self-confidence so that you can create the joyful life you deserve.
