How Trauma Leads To Self-Betrayal – The Hidden Cost Of Suppressing Your True Self
- Dec 2, 2024
- 4 min read
Updated: Dec 6, 2024
Written by Nicoleen Flamekeeper, Holistic Healing Coach
Nicoleen, The Flamekeeper is a leader in holistic healing. 10 years bed bound with chronic illness, on life support repressed memories of childhood sexual abuse were released, revealing how energy poisons mind, body and spirit. She is the Creator of the Phoenix Program 1:1 transformational coaching to heal trauma and rekindle your self-confidence.
Imagine if you simply became who you truly are! Ok, hear me out. I know this sounds like a dumb and even dangerous idea. I know you, like most of us, have been conditioned to believe the real you isn’t good enough. You think in order to be palatable you must dilute your delicious unique flavour, without realising this makes you bland.
‘Lonely Suburbs’ by Nicoleen Flamekeeper. View original spiritual artworks and ltd edition prints here.
In today’s society, most people stumble around, oblivious to who they really are. Anxiety, depression and exhaustion are the norm. Today, mid-life crisis comes in many forms.
Want a clue? You won’t ‘find yourself’ on a mountain in Nepal or volunteering in Africa. The real you is not to be found at the bottom of a bottle (believe me, I looked), or in bed with yet another someone new, even in Paris. Pumping Botox or iron won’t make you feel better.
You are not a crumpled dollar bill in your jeans pocket lost in an endless spin cycle. You have the power to change it all and leave behind the tedium of Groundhog Day to create the life of your dreams!
To find yourself, you must stop running from yourself
In order to feel alive, you have to actually allow yourself to feel again. You see, you don’t get to choose which feelings to feel and which to repress. Emotions are simply energy in motion. When you don’t allow yourself to feel them because they are uncomfortable or inconvenient, you repress them and create an energy blockage. Over time, these repressed emotions restrict the flow of life force energy through your body until you begin to feel dead inside. You need to feel it to heal it.
Denying the very thing that makes you, you
I have always been an artist, but I have lived most of my life denying that fact. As a child art was my refuge. With pencils and crayons, I created a sanctuary away from the violent outbursts, abuse, control, and trauma of my childhood.
Over time I realised I could never become what I most desired to be, an artist. My mother sneered, ‘I don’t understand artists,’ judging my worthlessness. You need to become something practical, a doctor, teacher, accountant, or office worker. Button your lip along with your neatly pressed shirt and lock who you really are behind your grey pinstripes. If you don’t, you’ll be a starving artist, outcast, destitute, and living in the gutter before you can blink.
Trauma taught me that nobody was going to look after me; it was up to me to support myself, and so I studied graphic design. At my final year exhibition, instead of congratulating me for distinctions as top student 3 years running, my aunt told me I had betrayed my family. I was selling creativity and that this was an embarrassment to the family line.
Soul betrayal
Although it wasn’t a kind thing to say, she was right in sensing betrayal, but the betrayal was to my own soul. You can’t please everyone, so why not please yourself?
Low self confidence led me to repeatedly betray my needs, dreams and desires. The Ad industry swallowed me up, a whore selling the fertile womb of my imagination to the highest bidder, working myself to the bone to create someone else’s dreams.
For 70 hrs a week, my imagination was pillaged by careless blue chip giants who sucked my essence and then spat out the dried-up husk of me with nothing left to give. After 15 years, my battery died, and I became bed-bound for 10 years with chronic fatigue.
I betrayed my very core, my unique soul essence. If you consistently smother the flame of your soul, your light is dimmed by the layers of who you are not.
If you repress 90% of who you are, your talents, and your skills, you are left with 10% with which to scramble to provide for yourself, making life an uphill battle.
Somewhere along the way, you were told that your ideas and skills were not enough, that you are not enough, and now this world is a lesser place because we don’t have your unique gift.
I have finally allowed myself to embrace who I truly am. What wonders will I create in this life? I have decided to surrender control to God and allow myself to trust him to provide for me as I become the most authentic and raw 100% me.
It’s time to choose you
You don’t need to be an artist, to create your dream life. The old world is dying. We desperately need creators, visionaries, innovators of every kind to create a new one, we need you.
If you want to heal from the trauma that is keeping you from your true self, reach out to me for a free breakthrough call here. You deserve to create all the magic and wonder in your life and let your vision become your reality.
Nicoleen Flamekeeper, Holistic Healing Coach
Nicoleen Flamekeeper is the Flamekeeper, a holistic healing coach transforming mind, body and spirit. 10 years bed-bound with chronic illness, on life support, repressed memories of childhood sexual abuse were released, revealing how energy poisons mind, body, and spirit. She is skilled at healing sexual abuse, domestic violence and narcissistic abuse, that results in low self-worth, alcoholism, addiction, depression, anxiety and chronic illness. She is the Creator of the Phoenix program: 1:1 transformational coaching. Her mission: help you heal from trauma and rekindle your self-confidence so that you can create the joyful life you deserve.
