Pleasure After Pain – Breaking The Chains Of Toxic Love And Owning My Story
- Nov 22, 2024
- 5 min read
Malissa Veroni is the founding CEO and lead therapist at Keep’N It Real Solutions. For the past 15 years Malissa has been a foot soldier in the field of social work; teaching, and serving students and clients alike. She is a published author, mentor, and mental health therapist who focuses on combining theory, practical approach and individual quality holistic care to help clients heal and grow from a variety of concerns.
Writing about yourself is never easy. It feels like standing in the eye of a storm, where each word threatens to unravel the carefully guarded parts of your soul. For years, I hid behind half-truths, believing I was protecting others—and myself. I worried about what people would think, especially the clients I have the honour of serving. Most scary was what would my Papa (father) think of me. What if the truth shattered the way they saw me? Worse yet, what if the truth hurt them?
For me, the secrets I kept were more than just stories; they were matters of life and death. I spent years guarding those truths, especially from my family and others- even if it meant I may have gotten help. It wasn’t about shame but survival. The full weight of my story could have destroyed lives, maybe even taken them, and that’s a responsibility I couldn’t bear. So, I carried that burden in silence, choosing to protect instead of reveal.
But something shifted after years of soul-searching and deep healing. I decided—whether out of bravery or perhaps a little madness—that it was time to embrace vulnerability and share the whole truth. It’s terrifying, no doubt about that. There’s no way to sugarcoat how scary it is to stand exposed in your truth for the first time. Yet, here I am, sharing pieces of my story that I’ve never dared to before.
Why do this? Because people told me I should? Maybe. Because it could help me? Possibly. But the real reason? Because it might help someone else.
As Dr. Brené Brown's work emphasizes, our stories are gifts we choose to share with those we care about, offering them as a way to connect and honour our shared humanity. And though this vulnerability feels like walking through fire, I know it’s the only way to be free. Dr. Brown also reminds us in The Gifts of Imperfection, "Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do." And she’s right—it is brave, but it’s also brutal. Vulnerability risks everything: your image, your relationships, your safety. Yet sometimes, standing in the flames is the only way to rise from the ashes.
A few months ago, I met Sierra Melcher, a fellow contributor here at Brainz Magazine. She became my confidante, and I shared with her dreams I had kept locked away. That conversation changed everything. She invited me to contribute to her upcoming book, Taboo, through Red Thread Publishing, and from that invitation, my chapter "Pleasure After Pain: Ending the Legacy of Toxic Love" was born.
For the first time, I allowed myself to be raw and vulnerable in my writing. I didn’t just tell a story—I lived it. I shared the painful, hidden truths that I had so carefully shielded for years. And in doing so, I realized that my journey wasn’t just about me. It was about you. It was about everyone out there, silently suffering in toxic relationships, grappling with trauma, and wondering if they will ever find peace.
I didn’t come to this point as a therapist who merely studied textbooks or took courses. I walked through the trenches myself. I’ve experienced the depth of toxic love and the suffocating weight of trauma. I turned my pain into something meaningful—a way to help others escape the same chains I once wore.
But writing that chapter forced me to confront wounds I thought had long healed. It brought me face-to-face with the CPTSD I had spent years trying to suppress. And one question lingered in my mind: Why do I still want to protect those who hurt me? I questioned myself, doubted my memories, and wrestled with the same internal battle that so many of my clients face.
That’s the thing with trauma—it’s not just about what happened to us. It’s about the stories we tell ourselves to survive. We minimize. We rationalize. We convince ourselves that if we just bury it deep enough, it will go away. But that’s not how healing works. The truth always surfaces.
And now, here I am, letting it rise.
If you're at a point where you’re ready to tell your own story, or maybe just beginning to consider it, know that it’s normal to feel re-traumatized. Writing, speaking, or even thinking about your past can bring it all rushing back. But you don’t have to go through it alone. Here are a few tips I’ve learned from both my personal experience and my years of work with clients:
Practice deep breathing – Breath-work can anchor you in moments of overwhelm. Try inhaling for four seconds, holding for four, and exhaling for eight. It can make all the difference when emotions feel out of control.
Somatic experiences – Trauma often manifests in the body. Moving—whether it’s through dance, exercise, or simply shaking your limbs—can help release trapped energy and emotions.
Break your story into smaller pieces – You don’t have to share everything at once. Take it slow, and allow yourself the time and space to process.
Keep certain parts private – You have the right to decide what you share and with whom. Your story is yours to tell, and it’s okay to hold some pieces close.
Engage in intentional self-care – Self-care isn’t just a buzzword. It’s critical to your healing. Whether it’s a bubble bath, a favourite hobby, or quiet time, make sure you’re prioritizing yourself.
Seek professional support – Talking to a trained therapist can provide the guidance and safety you need to work through your story. Don’t wait until it feels unbearable—early intervention leads to better outcomes.
Allow yourself to feel – Healing isn’t linear. You’ll have good days and bad days. Let yourself experience the emotions, knowing that feeling them is part of the process.
Owning your story is, as Dr. Brown said, the bravest thing you’ll ever do. But it’s also one of the most empowering. And you don’t have to do it alone.
At Keep'N It Real Solutions, my team and I are here to walk alongside you on your journey. Specializing in sex therapy and narcissistic abuse recovery, we’re dedicated to helping you heal, grow, and find peace. Ready to take the first step? You can book a session here.
This holiday season, my chapter in Taboo will be released, titled Pleasure After Pain: Ending the Legacy of Toxic Love. It’s not just a story—it’s my truth. And my hope is that it will inspire you to embrace yours. You deserve more than just survival. You deserve pleasure, peace, and a life free from the toxic patterns of the past.
Thank you for reading about my journey in writing this chapter. While I may write a full book someday, I hope this story offers insight and comfort. If you’re seeking specialized support, I’d be honoured to guide you. Although my availability is limited, you can book a session or learn more when it feels right for you: Book a session.
Malissa Veroni, Founding CEO & Lead Therapist
Malissa Veroni is the founding CEO and lead therapist at Keep’N It Real Solutions. For the past 15 years, Malissa has been a foot soldier in the field of social work, teaching and serving students and clients alike. She is a published author, mentor, and mental health therapist who focuses on combining theory, practical approach and individual quality holistic care to help clients heal and grow from a variety of concerns. Malissa is known as a specialist in the field of Narcissistic Abuse, Intimate Partner Violence, the LGBTQ2s Community, and in Sex Therapy. She is also a Designated Capacity Assessor and a mentor to several social workers worldwide.
