Pivot and How Life Events Shape Your Path
Kathy is Director of Kathy Now Then Coaching, drawing on 15 years’ experience as a teacher, SENCo, Assistant Educational Psychologist, Young person coach, and parent. She supports families to rebuild relationships and help young people thrive amid the evolving pressures of today's education system.
Drawing on her teaching experience since 2006, she is a SENDCo, an Assistant Educational Psychologist, and a parent. She supports families in rebuilding relationships and helps young people to thrive amid the pressures of modern life. In this article, we explore the importance of co-parenting and why it is crucial to move beyond a single viewpoint, instead adopting a ‘three-lens’ approach considering your perspective, the other parent’s, and, most importantly, the child’s.
One moment, everything feels steady. Next, you’re standing in the middle of your life thinking, ‘well, this wasn’t the plan’ or words to that effect.
Did you read “Pivot!” in a Ross Geller (from the US sitcom Friends) tone of voice? That’s exactly how it was meant. Which I’m sure reflects your age in relation to me.
Life is full of pivots. Not just in netball, but in the everyday choices: when to pause, what to release, and when to change direction completely. Sometimes the shift is gentle, sometimes it takes your breath away. Either way, there’s usually a moment where we can stop, take stock, and decide what comes next.
Life events
We often picture a clear path ahead: a plan, a timeline, a set of boxes to tick. In reality, most of us take detours, sometimes by choice, sometimes because life makes the decision for us. Along the way, we can lose people, roles, routines, or the version of life we thought we were building.
Not every life event is dramatic. Sometimes it’s a quiet realisation, an argument that lands differently, or the slow build-up of “this isn’t working anymore.” What matters is noticing the moments that deserve your attention because that’s where you can learn, steady yourself, and make a deliberate choice instead of reacting on autopilot.
Parental separation
Parental separation is one of those defining pivots. It isn’t only about how it affects you, it changes the day-to-day world your child lives in. You can still do what is right for you, but it helps to slow down and ask, "How will this decision land on everyone in the family, especially the children who didn’t choose the change?"
Resilience
Resilience is a word we hear a lot, but it becomes real in the ordinary moments, getting up on the hard days, answering the message you’ve been avoiding, turning up for your child when you’re running on empty.
It’s not about snapping back as if nothing happened. It’s about recovering in an honest way, accepting you feel bruised and still taking the next workable step. Over time, those steps add up. You do the appointment. You ask for help. You practise a different response. And slowly, what once felt impossible becomes manageable.
Life also isn’t meant to be a constant “win”. If everything were easy, we wouldn’t notice what we’re capable of or appreciate the good seasons when they arrive.
Goal setting
We often set goals at the start of a new year, full of motivation and fresh energy. But life rarely follows neat timelines and big change usually comes from what we do in the middle of an ordinary week.
Try checking in with yourself a little and often. What went well this week? What felt heavy? What do you need more of: sleep, movement, quiet, or company? Notice the small steps and name them, because progress is easier to keep going with when you can actually see it.
What feels small today can become something significant with time. Around this time of year, people are finishing marathons, 5 Ks, and 10 Ks, huge achievements. But each one started with a first outing: one decision to lace up, one walk-run, one repeat the next week.
Life direction
For as long as I can remember, I assumed I’d become a teacher. I was the child who finished early so I could help someone else and I was often told (more than once) to stop and focus on my own work. Even now, if I notice someone struggling, I’m the person who asks, “Are you okay?” The downside is that I got very good at looking after everyone else and not so good at noticing when I was running out of myself.
With two young children and a marriage that wasn’t working, something had to give. In 2020, we travelled to Indonesia and explored a different approach to learning, one that felt closer to our values as a family. We came home just before COVID-19 reshaped day-to-day life for everyone.
Three years later, I was a single parent, learning co-parenting in real time. I knew my children needed me and I needed to rebuild a life that worked for us all.
Co-parenting has meant finding ways to park old arguments and focus on what works for the children. I didn’t get it all right at the beginning. Some conversations were clumsy, some decisions were made too quickly. But the more I listened, the clearer it became that children clock the small things, the tone in your voice at handover, the tension in the car, whether home feels calm. Those moments add up.
All of us see life through our own lens. Co-parenting gets easier when we can widen that view of what you see, what the other parent sees, and what your child experiences. That third lens matters most, because it’s the one that shapes their sense of safety and belonging.
Listening to each other, to the children, and to your own instincts matters. When something didn’t align with my values, I learned to question it. I needed to find a different path in parenting. These are the key lessons that supported me even when life felt overwhelming and uncertain.
Bumps in the road: 5 key takeaways
Find your cheerleaders: Surround yourself with people who lift you, not those who encourage you to stay stuck. The right support can remind you of your strength when you forget it yourself.
Look for what the moment is asking of you: It’s tempting to label a tough experience as “bad” and stop there. I’ve found it helps to ask a different question: what can I learn here, and what choice is available to me now? That shift doesn’t minimise the pain, it just stops it from being the whole story.
Protect your health: We only get one life. Health is easy to overlook, until it’s compromised. Prioritise rest, recovery, and wellbeing. Listen when your body says, “enough”.
Mind your mindset: Your brain listens to what you tell it. Expect a bad day, and you’ll likely find evidence to support it. Practise positive self-talk. Start with self-respect and let that guide your choices.
Rediscover hobbies: As children, we found joy in simple things: messy crafts, kicking a ball about, climbing trees, making up games. No pressure, just curiosity. Pick one small, screen-free thing and bring it back into your week. It doesn’t have to cost money. It just has to give you a sense of space, play, or quiet.
Staying on course
Life events will happen, it’s unavoidable. But we can choose how we respond. When life throws a challenge in front of us, it can feel like we’ve been pushed off course. A short pause can help, enough time to notice what’s happening, decide what matters, and choose one next step. Change takes energy, and some days it’s tiring. But small, intentional actions are how we rebuild direction.
Moral compass
We all have an internal guide. Pay attention to it. If your path respects both yourself and others, you’re likely heading in the right direction. True growth never comes at the expense of someone else.
Final thought
So when the moment comes and it will, pause, reflect, and trust yourself enough to take the next step. If you’ve become a single parent and you’re feeling overwhelmed, trying to manage the change while keeping your child at the centre, you’re not alone. I’m currently developing practical guidance to support parents through these transitions, with a focus on helping children feel seen, supported and prioritised. If that would be useful, please reach out to register your interest. Life isn’t about avoiding pivots, no matter how big, it’s about learning how to navigate them with intention, care, and courage.
Read more from Kathy Cook
Kathy Cook, Director of Kathy Now Then Coaching
Now Then Coaching takes its name from a warm greeting used by Kathy’s late grandparents and a reminder to focus on now, while growing from then. With experience across primary, secondary, and specialist settings, including Alternative Provisions, Kathy has supported families through both one-to-one coaching and educational support. She helps adults reframe how behaviour is understood, recognising that not all needs are loud or disruptive, some are quiet and easily missed. Kathy advocates for moving beyond labels such as “naughty” or “disengaged”, encouraging a more compassionate, curious approach that asks what a child may need rather than what they have done wrong.
