Overwhelmed With Your Picky Eater? ‒ 10 Tips To Support Your Family
- Jul 5, 2022
- 5 min read
Written by: Jessica Earle, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Are you making more than one meal to help your child eat?
Are you noticing strong preferences and strong dislikes?
“My child only wants to eat carbohydrate-type foods”
“My child will not eat certain textures, let alone touch them”
Does your child gag on certain textures?
Does your child have a history of feeding difficulties as a baby? (e.g., difficulty with latching during breastfeeding, struggling with suck, swallow, and breathing pattern, history of reflux, frequent experiences of vomiting post meals, any issues with pneumonia, etc).
Does your child have a very restrictive diet? only eats 10 or fewer foods?
Do you often struggle with outbursts at mealtimes?
Does any of this sound familiar?
Picky eating can be a common issue for most families and some children will overcome this struggle and become avid eaters. Some children struggle with picky eating for other reasons. These reasons can be negative experiences with past solids/liquids, possible sensory sensitivities (e.g., taste, touch, and smell sensitivity, possible motor issues (e.g., oral motor skills may not be developed to manage harder foods, etc.) There are several reasons why children become picky eaters.
Here are 10 tips to try at home to support your child:
1. Take notes & observe patterns! Take notice of what is going on during mealtimes right now and take notice of how you are feeling at mealtimes. It’s important to become the observer and become aware of your feelings and your child’s feelings. Is your child crying before getting to the table? Are you upset about the day’s events and feeling tense? How are the other children in the home feeling? What is happening at mealtimes, is it very loud? Is it busy? Is everyone scattered? Does it have to happen quickly because you have other things to do? Take notes of the last five days and examine if you see a pattern with what is going on and the feelings that are being identified. Do you need to quiet your environment during mealtimes?
2. If stress is one of the key issues for you: You are not alone! Many families feel “stressed” at the end of the day and the tasks that need to happen before bedtime (e.g., homework, meal prep, everyone eating what’s cooked, dealing with any upsets that occur, cleaning up, and any extracurricular activities we tend to throw in too!). Incorporate calming activities for yourself prior to mealtime. This is a chance to decide what calms you as the parent and utilize those strategies. Some calming activities can be listening to music, reading, doing yoga poses, taking deep breaths, and/or meditating. Walking into mealtimes when you feel better will ultimately help everyone else in the family.
3. Aim to make a shift/change to at least 1-2 meals/week to start. Take small steps. It’s a lot to take on as the parent to change every meal and a lot for your child to manage as well. You can support the “status quo” by offering familiar foods that they enjoy and offering small portions of new/unfamiliar foods nearby. These new foods can be offered on a separate plate on the table. If they choose not to explore the new food, that’s ok! The first step is tolerating it within their comfort zone. Remember, you want to encourage curiosity, not consumption with new foods right away.
4. During this shift, continue to engage in activities that will help “you” the parent feel calm. During mealtimes, discover what helps you feel good and reduce any stressors. You can sit with your family at meals and talk about pleasant events. You can reduce screens and/or music to help reduce the “busyness” around you.
5. Strong emotions and eating don’t mix. It’s important that your child feels “calm” around meals. If you have a picky eater, feeling calm around meals might not be easy for them. They are generally being more “vigilant” of what types of foods are coming their way and what they will do to “keep them safe”. Their nervous system might go into “flight, fight, or freeze” with heightened stress/emotions around food/liquids. We understand that when we go into “flight, fight, or freeze”, our body’s priority is to keep “safe”. Hunger cues are no longer important and can be suppressed because your brain is telling your body to “survive”. When you are crying/screaming, hunger is no longer important therefore, asking them to eat won’t be very effective. When our bodies can be calmed again, you might try and see if they want to eat.
6. Participate in activities that are calming for your child. What helps your child feel good? What helps them feel calm? Do they enjoy music as well? Do they seek out hugs? You can include activities that will activate the large muscles of their body. Examples: lifting/pulling, carrying/pushing reasonably weighted items like carrying their backpack to their room, help organize the kitchen chairs (lifting/pushing them), cleaning their room, playing outside (physical activities), etc. These activities can help “calm” the nervous system and be a useful tool prior to mealtimes.
7. Include your child in the family mealtime preparation and clean-up. We often tell our kids to wash their hands and then we present the food. It is immensely helpful when children can take part in the prepping stage of food (increase sensory exploration and tolerance to foods). It is also helpful for children to participate in the “clean-up” phase because then they become responsible for removing the food and also gives additional opportunities to interact with their food (e.g., putting the food into compost, garbage, etc.)
8. Check in-in with your kids about how they feel about meals/foods/drinks. Do they express their likes? Do they want to be more involved in mealtime ideas? Have conversations with your child (outside of the family table). You can chat with them while walking outside, playing games, etc. These opportunities can also be a wonderful way to build a “regulating” relationship between the two of you and around the topic of food.
9. Focus on the “positive”. Try and limit any negative talk around foods/drinks. Children will be listening to what your thoughts are towards food and how you express yourself around food too. Avoid comments like “oh gross”, “oh I don’t eat that”, “oh, you don’t eat that anyway”, etc. You want to reframe your thoughts and if you choose to comment, try saying “oh, that chicken nugget is crunchy, that’s interesting”, “That lemon was sour, what do you think?”, “the sweet and sour sauce is yummy”, “oh that piece of pizza was hot”, etc. Become more descriptive and use less emotional tones in your language.
10. Enjoy your time together. Mealtimes are often rushed and pushed aside because we have other things to do. Do you have any fond memories of meals and/or meal preps as a kid? We can maybe think about that time we got to bake cookies with grandma or with your mother, the way the food smelled, and the fun you had. Mealtimes are an opportunity to connect and build on our relationships around food.
Thank you
Jessica Earle, Occupational Therapist
Jessica Earle, Executive Contributor Braiinz Magazine
Jessica Earle, is a pediatric Occupational Therapist with a focus in early intervention and school age therapy services. After working in various pediatric settings across Canada, Jessica owns a private practice in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. Her practice focuses on providing quality therapy services to bilingual families needing support around feeding, sensory integration, and attachment-based therapy. She offers a blog that combines common parenting struggles with helpful therapeutic tips for families. Jessica will be launching an online course for therapists seeking support in assessing children’s feeding skills in the community. She values a family centered approach and encourages an inter-professional collaboration between health professionals to meet the therapeutic needs of each family.
