On Becoming An Elder
- Brainz Magazine
- Apr 25, 2022
- 8 min read
Updated: Jun 14, 2022
Written by: Dr. Ann Moir-Bussy, Senior Level Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
In an article I wrote in January I talked about the danger of trying to be ‘normal’. And the message was “Stop trying to be normal”. Why is it so difficult for women, when they reach menopause and transition into mid-life, to realise and accept they are one of a kind – unique, and pregnant with endless possibilities?
Menopause is not the end – it is the beginning. It is a new beginning and the gateway to becoming an elder. Do you shudder at the word and does it conjure up connotations of ageing and being old? Or as a woman said to me once – “I don’t want to think about getting old – I want to stay young”. Let’s explore more what it really means to transition from youth and enjoy the path to becoming an elder.
Becoming an Elder
As with many terms in our language, the term elder has been stereotyped and used to define people who are older or have reached a greater age, often implying a degeneration or that life is now a ‘struggle” or difficult. However, many Indigenous peoples have tales and rituals that teach us a very different perspective.
I love the work of Clarissa Pinkola Estés, who has awakened so many women to the beauty of what it means to transition to being an elder. It is not about having a lot of knowledge and information from books. Rather, she says, it is about knowledge of stories, and most importantly, knowing the story of your life, drawing learning and beauty from it and passing it on. This is what makes an elder – a person who knows their story, a person who has become awakened, more conscious, by each phase of that journey.
Knowing the story of your life
By the time we reach menopause we are living from all the stories we have heard or that have been told to us, and living by the values in them. But are they our stories, our narratives, or mostly what we were told and expected to live by? Stories can be powerfully freeing, or they can be imprisoning, poisonous and toxic, and so limiting of who we really are and who we can become. Many of these stories are so destructive that we have forgotten the unique giftedness that we are.
Look at the ancient myths and many fairy tales – stories where imagination has taken over and which enables the hero or heroine to find solutions and problems. They are stories that find ways through obstacles or over them or around them or even under them. Stories that empower them to go whichever way they want.
When you are suddenly confronted with the cessation of menstruation and your changing body with its hormones and hot flushes, your mind is filled with stories of the first half of your life. Are you ready to LISTEN and to take on the new journey of becoming an elder?
Elders as storytellers
An elder woman may have studied and learned much, and may have achieved promotions and recognition in her morning of a life career. These are not what makes her an elder. Putting behind her and trying to forget the wounds and scars or abuse of the morning of life, do not make her an elder. Actually, how she uses the scars and the woundedness, how she strived, struggled, lost and failed and succeeded in reaching this phase of her life journey, are essential to her becoming an elder.
If only she can learn from, and listen to the stories of the elder women before her, then she will learn how to listen to her own stories and gain wisdom, understanding and compassion for her own story, and be a gift for others.
All stories are about teaching, and each event and experience that makes up the story of our life are there to be listened to, and embraced and to learn from them. This is about becoming awake, aware, and conscious. And if we haven’t begun the journey to inner awareness before, menopause is the time to begin.
It’s NEVER, NEVER, EVER too late to become conscious and to turn to consciousness and Estés and many wise elder women remind us this. In the morning of life, many women (and men) have wounds that have not healed, and they have suffered. Mid-life is the time to heal those wounds completely in the best possible way that you can and to let go completely. LOVE and SELF-COMPASSION make this possible. You may understand or you may not understand but we must learn from them and let them go.
The Tree of Life and the Growth of Consciousness
Numerous cultures and traditions have used the imagery and symbolism of the Tree of Life to tell their story of this journey. As a symbol, the Tree of Life represents our personal development, uniqueness and individual beauty. Each aspect of its journey from its roots being planted as a tiny sapling, to its growth as a great tree of the forest, and every leaf and flower, tells the story of our life.
Many Native Elders from communities in North America call it the Sacred Tree, the place where they gather, find healing, power, wisdom and community. It is also the place where they pass on the stories of love, compassion, patience, courage, humility, respect, justice and many other wonderful gifts.
Clarissa Pinkola Estés tells us that in the Latina tradition, the elder women take the younger women out at night to dig their own clay in which the tree of life will be planted. The clay has to be kept moist even after the tree is planted. Digging the clay for our tree of life can be done during that alone time of menopause. Menstrual blood is drying up but needs to be replaced with the inner moisture of self-love and compassion. Hildegarde of Bingen, that beautiful Mystic of the 15th century, reminds us that God is green and moist. What a wonderful image of the greenness and moisture we will find when we connect to our inner wisdom and spirituality. The moisture is also the attitude that helps us to get from one place in life to another.
Plant your own Tree of Life
Your own Tree of Life is born out of stories – not from a book, or from what others have told you, but from your own stories, the points in your life that mattered to you and that mean something to you, both positive and negative. Let your tree be covered in these flowers and keep turning them into the LIGHT. The trunk and the roots are the stories that nourished and still nourish you.
The tree needs to be ornamented with symbols and flowers that represent the views and perspectives you gained as you climbed the tree, and learned from them at each level. Explore the many different cultural traditions and be prepared to plant your own Tree of Life.
12 Teachings and Symbols from the Tree of Life or the Sacred Tree
The Native American tradition speaks of the Sacred Tree and suggests the following meanings we can learn. But, find the tradition and cultural meaning that means the most for you. This is what our journey to becoming an Elder is about.
1. Wholeness – Everything is interrelated. We are all connected in some way to everything else. We must learn to understand this essential message – we are not alone, and as elder women, we have a powerful connection.
2. Change – the one thing we can be certain of in our life is Change. Seasons change, human life changes; things come together and things fall apart and disintegrate. Menopause is a time for disintegration and new birth.
3. Cycles – change occurs in cycles – we must not limit our ability to grow with the cycles by refusing to see the change.
4. The Seen and the Unseen – We are living in both a physical world and a spiritual world – and they are aspects of ONE reality. We must honour both.
5. As a woman we are both physical and spiritual.
6. True learning – we must always continue to learn and acquire new gifts. WE can learn to move from being weak to courageous, from being insensitive to care for the feelings of others, and from being materialistic to listening to the voice within.
7. Four Dimensions – Our growth in the Sacred Tree must be reflected in our Mental, Spiritual, Physical and Emotional dimensions. We must CHOOSE to engage in this growth.
8. Four Related capacities –
The capacity to have and to respond to realities that exist in a non-material way, such as our dreams, ideals, inner wisdom, intuition;
The capacity to accept those realities as a symbolic representation of our unknown or unrealized potential and that we can be more than we are now;
The capacity to express these realities through our stories, our art or symbols, and
The capacity to use this symbolic action as the guide to future action – making what was initially seen as a possibility can become a living reality.
9. Be Active Participants – in our life journey.
10. Decide and Choose to take part in our growth and life
11. Make a Commitment – and then your guides, other women Elders will be there to be your mentor and to support you
12. Failure is not possible – only if you refuse to follow the teachings.
Angeles Arrien (2005) reminds us that for every woman who finds the courage to take this journey in mid-life, something miraculous will happen, because you will be opened up, you will be deepened and strengthened and softened. And your soul will again find its highest values. And as you become an Elder, you will be creating your legacy, the dream you have for other women and for the world.
Own the GIFT you are and BE the gift to those coming after you. Don’t be afraid to own all aspects of your story and to become a storyteller who changes lives.
There is a new book about to be published – The Potent Power of Menopause – A Globally Diverse Perspective of Feminine Transformation. It is curated by Dawn Bates and Clarissa Kristjansson and 12 of us are storytellers in our chapters, sharing our journey and transformation through menopause.
We hope it will encourage you to become a storyteller and an elder for those around you. Please contact me on the links below if you want to order before it is released in early May.
A final thought from Alice Walker in her book of poems Hard Times Require Furious Dancing (2010, p. 98):
The world has changed: Rise! Yes & shine! Resist the siren call of disbelief. The world has changed: Don’t let yourself remain asleep to it.
Dr. Ann Moir-Bussy, Senior Level Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
The rich life experience of Dr. Ann Moir-Bussy spans decades of missionary work, teaching, counseling, transformative life coaching, consulting, and becoming a best-selling author.
She taught in schools across Australia and, in Indigenous schools in the Northern Territory and also trained Chinese students in Hong Kong in counseling and psychology. The founder and editor of the Asia Pacific Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy for ten years, Ann, is now editor of the Australian Counselling Research Journal.
During a life of transitions and transformations to now conscious aging, Ann brings her dedication and zest to guide women in mid-life to discover renewed clarity, purpose, and direction as they embrace their powerful feminine wisdom and intuition in their afternoon of life. Through her programs, podcasts, coaching, and writing, Ann enables women to develop a strong spiritual leadership that brings transformation in their life, work, and world.
Ann is featured in Unified Brainz Who’s Who of the World 2022 – Coffee Table Book Quintessential Limited Edition
