Normalizing the Stages of Grief During Big Life and Career Transitions
Nandir Temlong is a licensed clinical social worker and change management consultant. She is the founder and CEO of iXhale wellness center, where she offers a comprehensive approach to fostering wellness for individuals, groups, and organizations as they navigate major changes and mental health challenges.
Change, even when it's chosen, often comes with unexpected emotional weight. Whether you're stepping into your first job, retiring after decades of work, navigating the “unbossing” movement, or experiencing a personal milestone like marriage, divorce, a birth, or a death, these moments of transition carry more than logistics; they carry grief.
Yes, grief. Not always the kind associated with the loss of life, but the emotional complexity of letting go of what was in order to embrace what’s next. Normalizing grief during transitions is essential for mental and emotional well-being. Yet, many professionals and individuals feel confused or ashamed when sadness, resistance, or disorientation show up during “positive” changes.
Let’s change that narrative because grief is not a sign you’re broken; it’s a sign that something meaningful is shifting.
Understanding transitional grief
Grief isn’t reserved for funerals. It surfaces anytime there is a significant ending, disruption, or change in your identity, routine, or relationships. Psychologists now recognize transition-related grief as a valid emotional process that can accompany:
Starting a career or graduating
Leaving a job or retiring
Becoming a parent
Experiencing job loss or layoff
Becoming a caregiver
Moving into or out of leadership roles
Ending or beginning relationships
During these transitions, it’s common to experience emotions that mirror the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance (Kübler-Ross, 1969). While these stages don’t unfold in a neat sequence, recognizing them helps you validate what you’re feeling rather than suppress it.
Grief in professional identity shifts
For professionals entering the workforce, retiring, or embracing “unbossing” (stepping away from hierarchical leadership models), grief may come in the form of:
Letting go of student identity or decades-long career roles
Feeling a loss of structure, status, or routine
Mourning the idea of what “should’ve been” or didn’t happen
Facing fears about relevance, purpose, or new expectations
The emotional response might include disorientation, self-doubt, and a sense of being “between versions” of yourself. That’s because transitions aren’t just external; they trigger identity shifts. You’re not only changing what you do, but who you are in that context.
Life milestones: Joy and grief can coexist
Similarly, personal milestones like marriage, the birth of a child, divorce, or the loss of a loved one can trigger a dual reality: joy for what’s arriving, grief for what’s ending. These moments challenge our emotional bandwidth, and without acknowledgment, unprocessed grief can manifest as anxiety, burnout, or even physical illness.
It’s important to normalize this emotional contradiction. You can be thrilled to become a parent and mourn the freedom you’re leaving behind. You can celebrate a promotion and grieve the comfort of your old team. Both can be true. And both deserve space.
How to navigate grief in transition
1. Name it without judgment
Give yourself permission to acknowledge that what you’re feeling is grief. Even if it doesn’t “make sense” logically, your emotional response is valid. Naming it helps reduce shame and fosters emotional clarity.
2. Honor the loss, not just the gain
Create intentional space to mourn what you're leaving behind. That might mean journaling, talking to a trusted peer, or creating rituals to mark the transition (writing a goodbye letter to an old role, or creating a new vision statement for your next chapter).
3. Reflect on identity and self-worth
Ask yourself: “Who am I becoming?” and “What part of my identity is changing?” Understanding these shifts helps you process emotions and reshape your self-concept with intention.
4. Engage in supportive conversations
Grief thrives in isolation. Share what you're going through with a coach, therapist, or peer group who can hold space for your transition without judgment. Professional support helps turn confusion into insight and emotional fatigue into empowerment.
5. Give it time, but don’t avoid it
Grief is not linear. Some days you’ll feel ready and grounded, and others you may feel raw or uncertain. That’s normal. Don’t rush the process, but also don’t numb or ignore it. Lean into gentle practices like mindfulness, movement, or creative expression to stay connected to yourself.
Leading others through grief-laced change
If you're in a leadership role, it’s essential to recognize that your team may also be grieving. A reorg, leadership change, or shift in company values can deeply affect morale and identity. Create space for your team to process, ask questions, and reengage with trust.
Empathetic leadership means acknowledging both the opportunity and the emotional cost of change. It means holding space for uncertainty, modeling vulnerability, and helping others find meaning in what’s next.
Your transition deserves care and compassion
Change is both loss and opportunity. When we treat grief as a normal part of transitions, we no longer have to hide it or power through it. We can work with it gently, honestly, and wisely.
Whether you're navigating a new career, adjusting to retirement, managing leadership shifts, or facing personal life changes, the most powerful thing you can do is pause and meet yourself where you are. That’s where resilience begins.
Support your transition with the right tools
If you're navigating a significant life or career shift, my book, Mindset: How to Break Free from the Constraints of Limiting Beliefs, offers the mental framework and emotional strategies you need to move through change with clarity and self-compassion.
Read more from Nandir Temlong
Nandir Temlong, Psychotherapist, Coach & Change Management Consultant
Nandir Temlong, the CEO and Founder of iXhale Wellness Center, is a psychotherapist, coach, and change management consultant with over a decade of experience in mental health, coaching, and change management consulting. Nandir's expertise is rooted in both professional and personal experiences dealing with changes in life and the workplace. With an extensive clinical background, Nandir works with individuals facing mental health challenges, coaches on identity and mindset, and collaborates with organizations to provide training on topics such as emotional intelligence.
