Merula Manifesto VI – A Letter From a Sexual Explorer
Sandra Merula is a Mental Health & Life Coach, author of “ADHD and Autism: The ‘Together’ People,” working as a mentor with autism, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and co-occurring autism and ADHD (AuDHD), as well as trauma and narcissistic abuse recovery. She is known for her direct, unique approach with a cat-assisted philosophy.
Look honestly into your soul for five seconds, and you’ll realize one undeniable truth: sexual satisfaction isn't a luxury. Once you have food, sleep, and a roof over your head, owning your sensual and emotional needs is the ultimate key to personal sanity.
Science and philosophy have been saying this forever, and real life backs it up. When you find the people who let you express your true sexual nature without judgment, and actually turn your erotic fantasies into reality, 90% of your other daily bullshit simply fades into the background.
Need proof? Just look at what happens when people aren't getting laid properly.
Freud was the first to point out that frustrated libido breeds neurosis, and he’s still right. You don’t need a psychology degree to see that an unresolved sex life (usually thanks to zero emotional or sexual education) is at the root of almost every major human disaster. Miserable couples, gender violence, discrimination, power trips, cultural wars, and even international crises can easily be traced back to massive, underlying erotic misery. The constant, hyper-sexualized noise of modern media only pours salt on the wound.
Most of this frustration comes from one place: we treat sex as a moral issue instead of an ethical one. Families, schools, and the media still push an idea of love, identity, and eroticism based on ancient superstitions that have no business existing today. Sure, we’ve made some progress on paper. Yet, society is still obsessed with shoving real human sexuality into a tiny, taboo-ridden box instead of just admitting that humans are complex.
You can’t fix that broken conflict. You just have to walk away from it.
Nobody is forcing you to buy into outdated sexual conventions, and you certainly don't have to suffer for them. Live a "traditional" life if that genuinely makes you happy, all respect to you. But if it doesn't, nothing is stopping you from throwing those rules in the trash. Finding your own erotic peace doesn't just fix your head; it makes you a better human to everyone around you.
Pursuing a conscious, unapologetic sex life is an ethical duty. Because sexuality isn't a one-size-fits-all uniform, it is fluid, deeply personal, and impossible to cage.
Aside from the basic rules of health, safety, and respect, your path to pleasure belongs entirely to you. Mapping out that territory is half the fun, and it makes every single one of us a sexual explorer.
Here is what we stand for.
1. Everyone has a sex life (deal with it)
Society loves to dictate who is "allowed" to be sexual and who gets mocked, shamed, or ignored for having desires. Think about older adults, people with disabilities, anyone who doesn’t look like an Instagram model, teenagers, or people reduced to their roles, like parents or priests.
We need to smash these conventions. Acknowledging that everyone has a sexual dimension is critical for individual mental health and for healing a deeply repressed society.
Some rigid belief systems still try to reduce sex to vanilla, heterosexual baby-making. Let’s be objective: the human body can find erotic pleasure in countless ways, far beyond the obvious "erogenous zones." Your mind, your fantasies, and your lived experiences are the most powerful sex organs you have. Every consensual source of pleasure deserves the same dignity.
Sexuality is fluid. It evolves. Media paints sex as set in stone, but real human behavior proves otherwise. Age, experience, and simple curiosity naturally shift what turns us on. Outgrowing old kinks and discovering new ones is far healthier than trapping yourself in a rigid, repetitive loop for life.
2. The only limits are consent and health
Because the human mind can get turned on by practically anything, using the word "normal" in bed is completely meaningless, unless you're just talking about statistics. Judging someone else’s turn-ons out of baseless prudery helps no one and only creates misery.
Everyone should be free to live out their sexuality however they want. The only time a boundary needs to be drawn is when someone’s actions threaten psycho-physical health or violate consent.
In short, we live by the SSC principle:
Safe: Smart enough to avoid actual harm to people or property.
Sane: Grounded in reality, rationality, and the limits of human anatomy and law.
Consensual: Built on the enthusiastic, informed, and capable agreement of everyone in the room.
3. Respect the choices, the privacy, and the boundaries
Intimacy requires vulnerability. Period. Any judgment or discrimination over who someone sleeps with, how they present their identity, or what they do behind closed doors is unacceptable.
And that privacy is non-negotiable in the outside world. What you do in an erotic space has zero bearing on how you should be judged at your job or in your community. Nobody owes the public their private data, and everyone has the right to maintain a separate identity to explore their sexuality in peace.
4. Ditch the shyness: Health comes first
Respecting yourself and your partners means protecting your mind and your body. Yes, I’m talking about safer sex and preventing STIs.
Everyone’s responsibility is to educate themselves about risks, prevention, and safer practices. Get tested regularly. Offer your recent results to new partners, and don't be shy about demanding theirs before swapping fluids. Taking care of your sexual health isn't awkward, it's a basic necessity and a mutual gift. If you aren't mature enough to talk about testing, you aren't mature enough to be having sex.
5. Speak like an adult
History and culture have worked overtime to make sex seem dirty, ridiculous, or shameful. Growing up in that fog of bad information makes people treat their own desires like a guilty burden.
Step one of being a sexual explorer: drop the shame and figure out what you actually like.
Step two: talk about it honestly. Hiding your desires from the very person you're sharing naked intimacy with, just because you're afraid they'll judge you, is complete nonsense.
Remember, even in the heaviest BDSM or domination games, your partner is a human being with feelings and desires, not a breathing sex toy. Real pleasure is built together.
Finally, restore some dignity to the way you speak. Drop the baby talk, the cringey euphemisms, and the stiff medical dodges. Acting like you can't say the actual words only reinforces the lie that you're doing something wrong. At the same time, ditch the hyper-obscure internet jargon when talking to people outside your bubble, communication is supposed to connect us, not require a secret decoder ring.
6. Sex is personal growth (because good sex takes skill)
Great sex doesn't just feel good; it forces you to understand your own psychology. Exploring your kinks in a safe space lets you play with different identities and dynamics, expanding your mind even when you're just observing subcultures that aren't personally for you. Done smartly, sex is fuel for personal, intellectual, and spiritual evolution.
Here is the secret: instinct only gets you in the door. Just like swimming or singing, instinct is the spark; competence is what makes it incredible.
You have to study and practice. Real knowledge kills prejudice, unlocks pleasures you didn't know existed, keeps relationships ethical, and gives you the tools to handle hiccups in bed without panicking. Find reliable educators, do your homework before trying extreme play, and enjoy the learning process. Because sexuality is endless, an explorer never runs out of new territory to conquer.
7. The private is political
Every single one of us has an ethical duty to pass on good, verified knowledge. At the very least, share your own honest experiences to help normalize talking about the very thing we’re all thinking about anyway.
What happens in your bedroom doesn't stay in a vacuum, it radiates into the rest of your life. When you are sexually satisfied, respected, informed, and free, it fundamentally changes how you treat people at the grocery store, at work, and in society. Spreading the peace that comes from an unashamed, serene sex life is a quiet revolution. It is deeply political.
That is why communities, clubs, and spaces dedicated to sexual exploration matter. Using them doesn't take away from your unique path, it makes the journey richer for all of us.
In the name of all gods and goddesses of sex, passion and desire
Let desire be conscious. Let freedom be ethical. Let pleasure exist without shame, intimacy without coercion, and identity without apology. Let no ancient superstition dictate the boundaries of a human soul. Let no claim of personal freedom become an excuse to violate another person's.
Our bodies are ours. Our desires are ours. Our responsibility is ours. We do not ask permission to be fully human.
We choose to explore with curiosity, to connect with honesty, to protect one another with respect, and to live without surrendering our inner lives to the judgment of strangers.
Shame shall not be our law. Consent shall be our foundation. Freedom shall be our responsibility.
Let desire be conscious, freedom be ethical, and shame lose its throne. Love, S.
Read more from Sandra Merula
Sandra Merula, Mental Health Coach & Neurodiversity Mentor
Sandra Merula is a Mental Health & Life Coach, author of “ADHD and Autism. The ‘Together’ People,” working as a mentor at the intersection of autism, ADHD, trauma, and power dynamics. A neurodivergent thinker herself, she challenges rigid diagnostic narratives and explores identity beyond labels. Her work blends structure with intuition, psychology with depth, and clarity with unapologetic honesty. Through her writing and cat-assisted philosophy, she invites individuals to rebuild identity consciously, not obediently.
