Merula Manifesto – The Day You Become the Person You Once Needed
Updated: 4 days ago
Sandra Merula is a Mental Health & Life Coach, author of “ADHD and Autism. The ‘Together’ People,” working as a mentor with Autism, ADHD, and AuDHD, as well as trauma and narcissistic abuse recovery. Known for her direct yet unique approach with cat-assisted philosophy, she combines professional expertise with lived experience and a bit of magic.
Sometimes purpose is not something we find by looking ahead, but something forged in the moments that once broke us. This piece explores how survival patterns, self-sabotage, and the courage to face long-buried questions can become the very path toward identity, freedom, and becoming the person you once needed most.
“You have to go through the darkest times to become the person you would have needed in those moments. And that person is your life’s purpose.” – Jenny Dinovi
Most people start their journey when they know where they are going. I didn’t. I started when I realized I had absolutely no idea what my world was supposed to be.
For years, I believed I was building something, relationships, explanations, entire philosophies about life. But if I’m honest, much of it was something else entirely.
Survival. Masks. And the daily portion of self sabotage. Because the strange thing about self sabotage is that it can feel familiar. When chaos is what you know, stability can feel suspicious. When you grow up adapting to environments where you are constantly trying to adjust yourself, chaos becomes predictable. It becomes the language your nervous system understands.
So instead of asking the obvious questions, many of us learn to avoid them. Do I understand my own mind? Do I understand the people I love? Do I even know what love actually means to me? Those questions remain buried somewhere in the back of the mind, like a long, dusty list waiting to be opened. Until one day, something shifts. Masks, confusion, and endless questions.
Problem to solution? Start here. What does my world actually mean to me? And deeper still, Why was I always so mean to me? Here is the uncomfortable truth. Having nothing left to lose does not suddenly reveal who you are. It does something much more useful. It removes the fear of failing.
When failure stops being catastrophic, something remarkable happens. You try things. You change direction. You make decisions, and when they do not work, you choose again.
Without the usual punishment that follows every mistake. No endless inner trial. No rehearsing the same error at three in the morning. No constant negotiation with shame.
Just movement. And movement is where clarity begins. Because identity is rarely discovered in a single moment of enlightenment. Identity is built slowly, choice by choice, question by question.
Especially for minds that never really stop thinking. As those questions surface, patterns begin to appear. Patterns that once looked like personal failure begin to reveal something deeper. Self sabotage rarely travels alone. It often brings companions.
Addictions. Toxic relationships. Endless attempts to quiet the chaos of a restless mind. Not because people are weak. Because for a long time, those patterns were the only tools available for survival. Many of us learned these strategies early in life. At home. In relationships. In environments where asking questions felt dangerous or inconvenient.
So we adapted, we learned to read the room before speaking, adjust ourselves before anyone could reject us, and learned that wearing the right mask was often safer than being understood.
Mask after mask. Until one day, you realize something unsettling. You have become very good at surviving, but you are not entirely sure who you are beneath all those adaptations.
For minds that process the world intensely, including many neurodivergent individuals, those unanswered questions accumulate over time. Questions about identity. About love. About why certain relationships felt familiar even when they hurt. Questions that remain silent until the moment you finally decide to face them. And when the right question appears, something shifts.
Not dramatically. Not like a scene in a movie. Quietly, you stop trying to repair the version of yourself that was built only for survival. Instead, you begin building something new. Not perfectly. Not all at once. But consciously. Because when you stop fearing failure, decisions become lighter. You experiment. You learn. You adjust.
Slowly, almost without noticing, something remarkable happens. You begin building your world. Not the one you were told to pursue. Not the one shaped by fear or expectations. Your own.
And suddenly, “taking over the world” means something very different. It might mean freedom. Doing work that feels meaningful. Protecting your peace. Building relationships that feel honest and alive. Or simply waking up one morning and realizing that your life finally belongs to you.
Problem. Question. Freedom. And that moment, the one that once felt like the end, becomes something else entirely. The beginning. The day you become the person you once needed.
Read more from Sandra Merula
Sandra Merula, Mental Health Coach, Neurodiversity Mentor
Sandra Merula is a Mental Health & Life Coach, author of “ADHD and Autism. The ‘Together’ People,” working as a mentor at the intersection of Autism, ADHD, trauma, and power dynamics. A neurodivergent thinker herself, she challenges rigid diagnostic narratives and explores identity beyond labels. Her work blends structure with intuition, psychology with depth, and clarity with unapologetic honesty. Through her writing and cat-assisted philosophy, she invites individuals to rebuild identity consciously, not obediently.
