Loving Someone Through Their Illness
Updated: Sep 25, 2023
Written by: Malissa Veroni, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Picture this, you come home from a long day and your partner is covering all of the wall sockets so the aliens cannot come through. Your appliances are all unplugged because the government is spying on you and they know what you did in the summer of grade 8. You watch your loved one pace nonstop for hours, not eat, believe you are poisoning them, question your fidelity, and think that sneeze you just had is a sign of distrust towards them. This is hard on your loved one and on you!
Love is not supposed to hurt, be scary, or be uncertain. But what happens when someone you love is acting odd and possibly having a mental health crisis?
We often do not talk about the reality of loving someone who is experiencing psychosis.
What is Psychosis?
Psychosis is more common than one would think and can have a variety of treatable underlying causes ranging from medical to mental health components, or both. While psychosis is a symptom and not an illness, it can be part of several different types of illnesses that do require psychosocial care. For lay people, it is a break from reality. For us in the mental health field, is it characterized as disruptions to one’s thoughts and/or perceptions that make it difficult for someone to recognize what is real and what is not. It can range from hearing or seeing things others cannot hear or see, believing things are not real or “strange,” and/or having persistent thoughts, behaviour, and emotions. Like most things in life, psychosis is highly individualized, although most people experiencing it describe it as scary and confusing. People who experience it are generally not a threat or danger to others (outside of the 10% who are at risk to others) and may or may not know that they are in that situation. It is often scary for individuals, directly and indirectly, experiencing it. Other times it is blissful to individuals experiencing it. Every experience is different.
How Common is Psychosis?
Mental illness affects 1 in 4 people worldwide. The newest statistics suggest that 100.000 individuals in the United States experience psychosis every year (National Alliance on Mental Health, 2022) and show that psychosis is not going away any time soon.
How to Help Someone During a Mental Health Crisis?
No one deserves a mental illness, yet sadly many people struggle with it. So what do you do when you and your loved one are exhausted, scared, and maybe even embarrassed? Despite popular belief- psychosis does not look like what one would see in the movie “The One Who Flew Over the Cuckoo Nest” and it is more common than one would know. It can be more extreme than what I just described or on a way lesser scale. Despite the extremities possible, it is still something to talk about and deal with.
First things first- this is a medical emergency (unless this is someone’s baseline). The longer someone stays in a psychotic-like state the more potential for brain damage to occur and for this to be their “new normal.”
There are several possible reasons and/or contributing factors as to why someone might become psychiatrically unwell-whether or not they have experienced this before. Getting your loved one to a doctor, preferably one that knows your loved one is the first step. But getting them there can be a whole other battle. No one takes well to “I think you are crazy and you are scaring me. Let’s go see a doctor” kindly.
This should never be said in general! If you are comfortable, ask your loved one how they feel. Are they stressed, have not slept in a few days, and maybe feel like they got a virus? If so lead with- “I can’t imagine what it feels like to not sleep, why don’t we go to the doctor and see if they can help us? I can come with you if you like or take you there, would that help?” A medical evaluation is necessary and from there a plan can be made.
8 Things to Remember:
Know that you are not alone.
Taking care of yourself is just as important. By taking care of yourself you are also helping your loved one. As hard as it can be, your life also has to continue and should not stop when someone is going through an episode.
Create and lean on your support system. There is no shame in mental illnesses. People need people!
While your loved one is going through their episode help them with the basics- provide nourishing food (or order in if they fear you may “tamper with the food,”), encourage them to bathe regularly, and help provide a structure (regular household routines).
Take note of any observations (writing this down can help you and their team for assessment and treatment purposes).
Remember your love.
Recognize that when your loved one comes out of an episode it is not uncommon that they may not know or remember things. It can be hard not to hold them accountable especially if they hurt you in some way. Often your loved one feels horrible, embarrassed, and not worthy of your love after an episode. This can make it hard and counselling can help with this.
Get and maintain regular counselling (this is where my team and I can help you and your loved ones).
It can happen to anyone. Let’s show one another compassion, and lend our strength to those that are suffering. Together we all can get through this.
As always, if you would like support with this or other issues, my team and myself at Keep’N It Real Solutions are honoured to walk alongside you and help you work towards your healing. You deserve it!
Malissa Veroni, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Malissa Veroni is the founding CEO and lead therapist at Keep’N It Real Solutions. For the past 15 years Malissa has been a foot solider in the field of social work; teaching, and serving students and clients alike. She is a published author, mentor, and mental health therapist who focuses on combining theory, practical approach and individual quality holistic care to help clients heal and grow from a variety of concerns. Malissa is known as a specialist in the field of Narcissistic Abuse, Intimate Partner Violence, the LGBTQ2s Community, and in Sex Therapy. She is also a Designated Capacity Assessor and a mentor to several social workers worldwide.
