Written by: Candace Fox, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
It sounds simple enough, doesn’t it? We have to look forward, in order to move in the direction, we want our lives to go. But how many of us have our foot on the gas pedal, the tires straight forward but our eyes glued to the rear-view mirror? It’s no wonder so many people feel lost, moving in life without direction – feeling stuck in their past while trying to forge ahead.
This was me for many years. I was constantly trying to analyze my past as a way to control the direction of my future, hoping to avoid the same ditches I always seemed to find myself in, literally and figuratively. It was like I was looking at an old, outdated map, trying to find the location of a new development, in a different city. I was making life harder on myself without knowing it. The truth was, I was rooted in my past. Although my intentions were to change, I had tunnel vision leading me right back into the same old habits, relationships, patterns, and behaviors I was trying to escape. I felt stuck, confused, and frustrated.
The Law of Attraction tells us, what we focus our attention on grows. Even if we are focusing on what we want to avoid, guess what ‒ we end up manifesting and actualizing that which we don’t want into our reality. Neuroplasticity tells us, our experiences shape our thoughts, and our thoughts shape our experiences. It also tells us that our brain has the ability to grow and evolve – it is as malleable as we need and want it to be. Neuroscience tells us we have influence over our brain just as much as our brain has influence over us. The catch? We need to be consciously aware of what we are thinking and consuming, and most important ‒ we need to be intentional with reprogramming our thoughts and beliefs. Our current reality is a reflection of where we are anchored and what we are focusing on. So, the big question is, how can we shift this for ourselves?
First, we need to remind ourselves, change doesn’t happen overnight – but small steps, done consistently over time will eventually yield big results. Progress over perfection, am I right? So here we go:
Take note and hold yourself accountable. If you find yourself ruminating over something in your past, scrolling through an ex’s social media, or complaining about the same ol’ ‒ same ol’, stop yourself by literally saying aloud, STOP ‒ every single time! I’ve recommended clients say something along the lines of this, “STOP! I love you. We aren’t doing this anymore.” This removes the shame around calling yourself out and is a gentle reminder that yes, you are in fact not interested in going back there anymore.
Anchor yourself in the present moment and bring your awareness back to the here and now. There are several ways you can do this. You can use self-regulation tools like Acupressure Tapping, Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), and/or Havening Touch Techniques™. You can also focus on your breath. Music and/or movement might be your preference. Recounting five things you are grateful for in your current life is also a great way to elevate your mood and bring your awareness back from the past to the present.
Identify and get honest with yourself about why you keep looking in the rear-view mirror of your life? It can be addictive, I know. But you really need to ask yourself, is searching every side road, deep ditch, and deserted path of your past helping you get where you want to go? The answer is likely, NO! So, what is really going on? Answer the following: If I wasn’t stuck in the past – what would be possible for me today and in the future? If I stopped reliving my past in the present, what would my reality look like, today? How would I need to change, in order to shift this for myself? What do I need to let go of, in order to move forward in my life?
Allow yourself to explore what’s possible for you. Identify what you DO want! It’s funny how most of us find it easier to focus on what we don’t want – what we are trying to avoid rather than focus on the things we believe we deserve or can achieve. Katherine Woodward Thomas says, “What can’t come through you, can’t come to you.” Meaning, if you don’t believe you are worthy of good things, you will continue to push those things away. If you have deep-rooted self-worth issues, this is where I would recommend accessing support, whether it be a practitioner like myself or another professional support person like a counselor, therapist, or coach.
Remain committed to co-creating your future (with the Universe). It’s YOUR vision. Stay in the driver’s seat. Don’t get distracted by what’s happening around you, or behind you. If you get off track and need support, ask people who are invested in seeing you achieve your vision for a successful future. Those are the individuals who will help you chart a path forward. I love this quote by Normal Vincent Peale, “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.” We all deserve to be wildly in love with our lives and it is our responsibility to make that happen for ourselves.
Last but certainly not least, give yourself the credit you deserve for showing up for yourself in ways that feel scary, uncomfortable, invigorating, and unfamiliar. You are doing something most people do not have the guts to do – TAKING ACTION toward your vision for a better and brighter future. It is not easy, but let me tell you, it is worth it and your future self will thank you for the effort you are making today to shift your tomorrow.
Friends, keep your eyes peeled forward, your foot on the gas and most importantly – enjoy the journey. None of us know what lay on the road ahead, and it certainly isn’t a race to get there so take your time and let curiosity and excitement lead the way!
Was this helpful? I’d love to hear how!
Candace Fox, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Candace M. Fox is a Psychosensory/somatic Practitioner who works with Neurodivergent youth & adults, sharing self-regulation tools and resources to support them on their journey towards self-discovery and transformational growth. Born and raised on the prairies in Canada, Candace has always had a passion for helping others. Her journey of healing has been a wild ride and led to an AD[H]D diagnosis at the age of 35. Today, she's doing what she loves most ‒ using her past struggles as a catalyst to help others. A self-professed 'student of life', Candace admits her clients teach her just as much if not more than she does them.
