Living In Fear
- Brainz Magazine
- Nov 4, 2021
- 5 min read
Written by: Merrill Isherwood, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
An impactful four-letter word starting with ‘F’
One of the most intriguing aspects of taking a giant leap, starting up and managing my own company, was a very unexpected emotion becoming a very evident resident within me, one I had never experienced to this extent before.
It has been a radical realisation. Emerging from an environment where I could follow my daily routine and tasks with my eyes closed, manoeuvring my physical and mental self through a complex maze of work and personal activities with no emotion whatsoever, automated like some futuristic robot, was mind-blowing, to say the least.
From being totally adept and skilled at the tasks at hand to feeling like a bloated, clumsy bass fish trying to negotiate my too-large body through a narrow, shallow channel of water without sinking…became my new daily grind.
Gradually becoming aware of how inept I am (or was) in the real world, it was like moving from the 20th to the 21st century in an instant.
Taking giant steps from cold-calling in a physical field sales environment, doing old-fashioned written sales proposals or marketing ads, to drowning in concepts tidal wave of social media marketing, SEO (search engine optimisation for those not in the know), podcasts, videos, and then being forced to expand even further to virtual meetings and presentations due to the recent pandemic.
No novelty adventures these, I can assure you. I can only rationalise it by comparing the journey to a toddler progressing from conquering the climb up a playground jungle gym, five-rung ladder, to attempting to scale an external stepladder leading to the observation deck of the Burj Khalifa in Dubai, an all-time horror for anyone afraid of heights, coming in at around 828m meters!
This discreet, yet terrifying, all-encompassing emotion which has inadvertently ruled my life for the past two years is none other than an unlikely four-letter word starting with ‘F’, namely FEAR.
Why – you ask? What can be so daunting that it can so easily overwhelm one?
Let me explain.
Firstly, starting your own business, there is fear of the unknown. Never having done so many of the things that need to be done such as:
Deciding:
Which industry sector to venture into
Which business entity structure to opt for
On the company name (which may not be available when registering so one can end up opting for the 160th choice on your list (like me)
Registering the company
Appointing accountants and/or auditors
Setting up equipment, tools and software
Setting up office space (even if working at home)
Marketing processes / social media choices/advertising or marketing agency
Posting on social media sites daily or scheduling
Sales lead generation – self or contracting sales agents
Learning about sales funnels
Planning, creating and developing a website/landing pages
Forecasting
Setting budgets
Networking platforms, forums, virtual/in-person meetings/social media groups (live), pre-recorded videos, or written posts
Automation of bulk emails or messaging, chat flows, understanding buyer personas, avatars
All of these being terminology and language I’d never been exposed to before my embarkation on this business ship I find myself on, navigating stormy seas - massive waves being ridden several times a day
Processing the first annual financial returns
Processing the first provisional tax returns
Compiling company, privacy and web policies, terms and conditions of sale, agent contracts and much, much more
It sounds simple, and for youngsters or those with degrees of MBA’s in the marketplace, these are probably simple tasks they are accustomed to dealing with, much like I was used to navigating at ease the excel spreadsheets which proudly contained the names of my sales leads in alphabetical order, each entry manually inserted with loving care and attention….
For the older generation like myself, however, being cast out in the ocean to sink or swim, has been a precarious ride.
My head has dipped below the water a few times and I come up sputtering for breath, eyes firmly fixated on the white and red life-saving ring I am ever-hopeful someone will throw my way, but alas, it is not forthcoming.
I am in this, on my own, fighting each battle daily, not knowing whether the entry I just made in my website dashboard will crash my site or not. I used to be overcome by fear, afraid of the admonishment expected from the web hosting team, but each time, they kindly helped me see the light. Before this though, I put off taking much-needed action simply because I was too scared to do what I thought needed to be done. Procrastination set in. Not because I was too lazy or any other reason but the domination of fear which won me over every time.
Business stood still for a long, long time. The longer I did nothing, the more useless, pathetic, worthless, hopeless and desperate I felt.
I had a choice to make. Quit or do something. I am proud to say I chose the latter. I had to eventually pluck up the courage and tell myself in the wise words of the Nike Team, “Just do it”… what is the worst that could happen?
It took months for me to reach that stage where I could no longer wait and had to accept no one else was going to do this for me. I had to just jump in and swim. I was tossed around royally, ofttimes swallowing water, gulping for air, pushing upwards and onwards.
Luckily most times no one was watching my clumsy body trying to surf above the water, but I persevered, I celebrated my small, (really minor to others), achievements and marvelled at my courage to do what I was doing and above all, master a task I did not believe I could ever achieve.
Eventually, I became accustomed to that daily sinking feeling or tense knot in my stomach, which thankfully has reduced to a couple of times a month now, causing far less fear in my mind than before I think I am over the worst now. Most things needed to be done have been done at least once or have been ‘messed’ up at least once, without too much disruption to myself, the clients, or the company, so the fear has abated.
That’s not to say I don’t still lookout for a handsome hunk of a lifeguard coming to rescue me in his streamlined speedboat or, (a little less romantic), in his rubber dinghy.
To every entrepreneur or intrepid explorer out there, if you take nothing else away with you after reading this article, know that despite all odds stacked against you, despite being on the road very definitely less travelled, being alone adventurer, perseverance, resilience and courage become your second, third, and fourth names.
If your will or your need is strong enough, you will reach your destination. You may be a little weathered and beaten by the storms you’ve endured, you may be barefoot because your shoes have worn through from the rocky path, but who cares how, or how long it took you, you got there, and that is all that matters!
Merrill Isherwood, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Merrill Isherwood is a life transformation coach who has spent much of her life being of service to others in the corporate world and her personal life. She has an exemplary work ethic and is driven by living a life of integrity, having honesty, kindness, trust, and respect as her core values. Her psychological counseling degree, supported by her accreditation in life coaching, allows her to ensure her clients are suitably supported in transforming their lives. She specializes in body image, lack of self-esteem, overcoming abusive or toxic relationships, finding life direction, forgiveness, and overcoming adversity. To her, a life well lived means making a difference in each person's life that you are fortunate enough to touch, even if only in the smallest way possible.
.jpg)