Listen With Your Eyes and Discover the Leadership Power of Seeing What Words Cannot Say
Carolyn M. Rubin, DAS, D.Litt., CLC, is a healthcare leadership expert, executive coach, and speaker with 34+ years of experience. Founder of EmpowerFuse™ and associate professor at Azteca University, she is the author of EmpowerFuse™: Leadership Begins Within and the forthcoming The TQ Leader.
The most meaningful connections are not always created by what we say but by what we are willing to notice. Have you ever been in a room filled with conversation and still felt invisible? Have you ever told someone you were fine when everything inside you was saying otherwise? Or encountered someone who seemed to understand what you needed before you found the words to explain it?
Those moments reveal something powerful about human connection. Being heard is important. Being genuinely seen can be transformational.
In a world where communication has become faster, louder, and more constant, we have become remarkably skilled at exchanging information. Yet exchanging information is not the same as creating understanding.
We participate in meetings, manage teams, respond to messages, and engage in conversations throughout the day. But how often are we fully present with the person in front of us? How often do we notice the quiet signals that may reveal a need for reassurance, understanding, or support?
I call this practice “Listen With Your Eyes.” It is an intentional approach to leadership and relationships that encourages us to look beyond spoken words, recognize the humanity in others, and create meaningful connections through presence, curiosity, and compassion.
It is not about interpreting every facial expression or believing we know what someone is thinking. It is about being willing to notice, inquire, and understand. In leadership, that distinction matters.
We hear words, but do we see people?
Over more than three decades in healthcare leadership and organizational transformation, I have witnessed the importance of communication in environments where decisions carry significant consequences.
Operational strategies matter. Performance indicators matter. Financial accountability matters. Organizational outcomes matter. But behind every process, every decision, and every performance measure are people. People carrying expectations. People navigating uncertainty. People balancing professional responsibilities with challenges we may never fully see.
A team member may respond, “I’m fine,” while quietly struggling with competing demands. A colleague may remain silent during an important meeting because previous experiences have made speaking up feel risky. A leader may appear confident while privately questioning how to navigate a difficult situation.
We cannot know these experiences simply by observing someone. But observation, combined with thoughtful questions, may help us recognize when a deeper conversation is needed.
When leaders become so focused on managing performance that they stop noticing people, they risk weakening the very relationships that make performance possible. Listening with our eyes invites us to bring humanity back into the conversation.
I once sat with a family member who had just learned that her son’s lymphoma had returned. He was 21 years old. He had no insurance and no money, and his medical team had made it clear that the risk was high.
When I asked how she was doing, she said, “We’ll manage.” Her voice was steady and her words were composed. But her hands told a different story. She kept folding and unfolding the same piece of paper, and she never once looked up from it.
If I had listened only to her words, I might have moved on to the next item on my list. Instead, I pulled up a chair and asked, “What worries you most right now?”
She was quiet for a long moment. When she finally answered, it was not about the diagnosis. It was about the cost. She was afraid her son would not receive the treatment he needed because they could not pay for it, and she had been carrying that fear alone.
That one question opened the door to a different conversation. We connected her with financial counseling, explored assistance programs, and made sure she knew she did not have to navigate the system by herself.
I did not have a solution in that first moment. What I had was a willingness to notice. That experience taught me something I have carried ever since: people will often tell you they are fine. Their eyes, their hands, and their silence will tell you the truth if you are willing to see it.
The difference between looking and truly seeing
We look at people every day, in hallways, offices, virtual meetings, conferences, and social gatherings. But looking is a physical act. Truly seeing someone requires intention.
It means recognizing that every person carries experiences, emotions, perspectives, and challenges that are not immediately visible. It means resisting the temptation to assume we understand someone’s circumstances simply because we understand their role. Most importantly, it requires setting aside our own agenda long enough to become curious about another person’s experience.
Consider a team member who appears distracted during a meeting. One leader immediately interprets the behavior as disengagement. Another notices the change and later asks privately, “I’ve noticed you seem quieter than usual. Is there anything you would like to talk about?”
The observation is similar. The response is profoundly different. The first approach begins with judgment. The second begins with curiosity. That is the heart of listening with your eyes.
Emotional intelligence is more than understanding emotions
Emotional intelligence is frequently discussed as an essential leadership capability, important in communication, making decisions, collaboration, and conflict resolution. But it becomes most meaningful when it moves beyond understanding concepts and begins shaping everyday interactions.
Can we recognize when our own emotions are influencing a conversation? Can we remain present when someone expresses a perspective different from our own? Can we respond with curiosity instead of defensiveness? Can we recognize when a person may need support rather than another instruction?
Listening with our eyes encourages us to become more conscious of these moments. It requires awareness of ourselves and others, as well as humility. We will not always interpret situations correctly. That is why genuine listening includes a willingness to ask rather than assume.
Presence creates the opportunity for understanding. Curiosity helps us discover what is true.
The quiet power of psychological safety
One of leadership’s greatest responsibilities is creating environments where people feel respected enough to contribute honestly. When employees believe their concerns will be dismissed, their questions criticized, or their ideas ignored, communication becomes limited.
People may continue carrying out their responsibilities while withholding valuable perspectives. They may stop asking questions, hesitate to raise concerns, or become increasingly disconnected from the organization and its purpose.
Listening with our eyes can help leaders recognize opportunities to strengthen trust and encourage participation. Sometimes that begins with a simple question: “What are we missing?” Other times, it means noticing who has not had an opportunity to contribute.
Creating psychological safety does not mean avoiding accountability or difficult conversations. It means allowing honesty, respect, and accountability to coexist. Strong leadership requires all three.
Listen with your eyes beyond the workplace
This philosophy extends into every part of our lives. How often do we listen while preparing our next response? How often do we assume we know what someone needs because we have known them for years? How often does familiarity replace curiosity?
Sometimes the people closest to us receive the least intentional attention because we believe we already understand them. Yet people change. Their experiences, needs, dreams, and concerns evolve. Meaningful relationships require ongoing attention.
Imagine the difference we could make by offering five uninterrupted minutes of genuine presence. No phone. No distractions. No immediate advice. Simply the willingness to be fully engaged.
5 practices that strengthen your ability to listen with your eyes
Be fully present before you respond. Resist the urge to immediately solve, defend, or redirect. Give others the opportunity to complete their thoughts.
Notice without creating a narrative. Pay attention to changes in tone, expression, energy, or participation. Treat observations as reasons to ask questions, not as proof of someone’s feelings.
Ask questions that invite understanding. Replace assumptions with questions such as “What has this experience been like for you?” or “What would support look like right now?”
Become comfortable with silence. A pause can create space for reflection, honesty, and clarity.
Let your response communicate respect. You can acknowledge another person’s experience without agreeing and still treat them with dignity.
These practices may appear simple. But meaningful leadership is often revealed through the consistency of ordinary behaviors.
A moment of reflection: Who needs to be seen?
Who in your professional or personal life might benefit from your undivided attention? When was the last time you entered a conversation with the intention of understanding rather than responding? What would change if genuine presence became a daily leadership practice?
You do not need another meeting, initiative, or complicated framework to begin. You need a moment of awareness, a willingness to be curious, and a decision to show up differently.
“Listen With Your Eyes” became part of my leadership philosophy because of my grandfather. When he was diagnosed with renal cell carcinoma, he received great clinical care. Yet his greatest worry was not his own illness. It was my grandmother. He wanted to know who would take care of her and how she would manage if he could not be there.
When he brought up those concerns, he felt unheard. The care for his body was excellent, but the man inside the patient, with his fears and his love for his wife, was not fully seen.
During that time, I made him a promise. He told me, “Every day you go to work, you walk through the door with the eyes of a patient. If you do that, you will always be successful.” I promised him I would.
That promise taught me that verbal and nonverbal communication are equally important. What a person says matters. So does what they cannot bring themselves to say. You might see the worry on their face or hear the hesitation in their voice. That is where “Listen With Your Eyes” was born.
In every role I have held since, I have tried to walk through the door with the eyes of a patient and to remember that the most important concern in the room is not always the one on the agenda.
The legacy of making people feel seen
As leaders, we spend years developing strategies, building organizations, managing change, and pursuing results. These responsibilities matter. But when people reflect on those who most influenced their lives, they rarely remember only the strategies those individuals developed.
They remember encouragement. Compassion. The moments someone believed in them before they believed in themselves. They remember conversations that changed how they saw their own possibilities.
Leadership is a relationship. Relationships require connection. Connection begins when we are willing to see the person beyond the position, behavior, or circumstance.
So the next time someone speaks to you, do more than hear their words. Be present. Be curious. Be compassionate. Because the greatest gift you may offer another human being is not your advice, expertise, or answers. It may simply be the experience of knowing they truly matter.
Listen with your eyes. Lead with your heart. Remember that being seen can be the beginning of becoming.
Read more from Carolyn M. Rubin, CLC
Carolyn M. Rubin, DAS, D.Litt., CLC, Executive Coach & Leadership Consultant
Carolyn M. Rubin, DAS, D.Litt., CLC, is a professional speaker, executive coach, and leadership development and healthcare consultant with more than 34 years of industry experience. After decades in senior healthcare leadership, including roles at the senior vice president level, she saw that the leaders who last are the ones who do the inner work first. She created EmpowerFuse™ and the Triple Quotient of Leadership™ (IQ + EQ + SQ = TQ™) to help leaders turn inner clarity into everyday action others can see and feel. She is the author of two leadership books, including EmpowerFuse™: Leadership Begins Within, and an associate professor at Azteca University. Her mission is simple. Leadership begins within.
