Life Is a Puzzle and the Pieces Don’t Always Fit
- Brainz Magazine
- Jun 5
- 7 min read
Written by Tatjana Gaspar, Coach, Consultant & Author
Tatjana Gaspar is a certified Systemic Coach and Online Trainer who uses methods that focus on the clients’ individual goals, thus aiming at improving their business or life situation. She is also the CEO of the Latin American Chamber of Commerce in Switzerland, where she organizes events, hosts webinars and is responsible for operational and financial issues.
Life, in all its complexity, resembles a giant, evolving, three-dimensional puzzle. It is made up of millions of diverse experiences, turning points, and relationships. Some pieces fall neatly into place, while others look oddly shaped, misplaced, or can even fit in different ways.
The metaphor of the puzzle invites me to reflect on how everything is connected, yet not everything is controllable or immediately understandable. The rules of nature in the puzzle of life can’t be forced or manipulated. We can, however, try to find alternatives, modifications, or loopholes. Working actively on our life puzzles takes patience, discipline, determination, and the right kind of energy and mindset, even though we know that we can never finish them, and they will never be perfect. But maybe that’s enough: perfection, as we know, is only in the eye of the beholder. And the more I think about it, the more I feel that something can be complete without being finished. Up for debate, you might say!
Among the most intricate pieces in our life puzzles are relationships with family, friends, partners, and colleagues. Each relationship acts like a mini puzzle within the grand picture: sometimes completing a beautiful part of the whole, other times breaking the pattern we thought we understood.
The puzzle of relationships
Relationships can be nurturing and empowering, giving us emotional safety, strength, inspiration, and purpose. They can also be transformative, helping us grow beyond our limits and imagination. When the chemistry and connection are right, a relationship fits like a puzzle piece we didn’t know was missing. It just aligns.
But not every piece always fits where we want it to. Some are forced into place, some are lost entirely, and some turn out to belong to a different picture altogether. Just as we may try to bend ourselves to make things work, sometimes a relationship simply does not align with who we are or what we need. This misalignment can range from minor misunderstandings to deeper fractures of trust, respect, or values.
In the metaphor of a puzzle, a missing piece can represent an unresolved issue, a lack of emotional reciprocity, a void in communication, or even the absence of something essential like shared vision or mutual respect. In positive terms, the absence might point to an opportunity for growth, a challenge that encourages us to fill the gap with reflection, empathy, or renewed effort. It might also mean the relationship is calling for a change, a fresh dialogue, or a realignment of expectations.
However, missing pieces can also indicate more concerning dynamics. If trust is missing, if honesty or safety are consistently absent, if jealousy or narcissism are part of the game, or if the effort is always one-sided, then the "sick" feeling we get is not just a temporary phase. It may signal deeper incompatibility or toxicity.
The impact of toxic relationships
A toxic relationship doesn't just disrupt our emotional peace over time. It also drains our energy, erodes our self-esteem, and clouds our sense of clarity. These relationships often carry signs that something is “off,” but recognizing them requires courage, self-awareness, and honesty toward each other and ourselves. Most of us have probably come, at some point in life, into contact with a personality displaying mild or strong signs of narcissism or have experienced some form of jealousy in their immediate surroundings. Let’s look at that more closely!
The claws and fangs of narcissism
In the case of a narcissistic personality, for instance, the puzzle metaphor becomes even more illustrative. A narcissist often demands that all the pieces revolve around their own image and demands. Our needs, feelings, or boundaries are disregarded or manipulated to fit their version of the world. In such a dynamic, the puzzle becomes distorted. We may feel like we’re the problem or that we must change or try harder to “make it work,” despite constant emotional fatigue. A potentially dangerous situation!
Typical symptoms of ongoing toxic dynamics may include:
Chronic self-doubt or second-guessing ourselves
Feeling emotionally exhausted after interactions
Fear of speaking openly or being ourselves
Walking on eggshells to avoid conflict
Being blamed for everything while our feelings are invalidated
A strong sense of guilt when we try to set boundaries
Isolation from others or loss of connection to our own interests
These are red flags, signaling that the puzzle is no longer being built with us, but against us.
Jealousy in close relationships: When love and rivalry collide
One of the most painful and complex dynamics in relationships can arise when jealousy plays a central role, especially in close family ties, such as between a parent and child or between siblings, but also in friendships.
Jealousy, when unacknowledged or left unresolved, can manifest as subtle sabotage, negative or passive-aggressive comments, or a consistent undermining of the other’s success and self-worth.
In such relationships, love becomes entangled with rivalry, creating confusion and emotional tension. A jealous parent may struggle with their own insecurity and unrealized dreams, projecting their frustration onto a child who is thriving or emotionally free. A sibling might carry deep-seated insecurity or comparison patterns from childhood that play out in adult life through competition or emotional distance.
These dynamics are particularly difficult to navigate because cutting ties often isn't a viable or desirable option. Instead, clarity and boundaries become essential. Recognizing that the jealousy is not about us, but about the unresolved wounds of the other person, can help us detach emotionally while still maintaining compassion. It’s important to validate our own achievements, emotions, and feelings, even if they trigger discomfort in others. We do not need to shrink to protect someone else's ego. Instead, let’s give ourselves permission to thrive and feel proud about it, to protect our light without dimming it!
Jealousy can also quietly erode the foundation of a friendship because it is often not openly addressed. When one friend feels threatened by the other's growth, success, or new relationships, it can lead to subtle distancing, backhanded compliments, or even attempts to undermine confidence. Such behavior often stems from insecurity or fear of being left behind, rather than malice, but it can still be deeply hurtful even without open conflict. Recognizing these signs and having honest conversations can help clarify whether the friendship has room to grow or whether it has become one of those puzzle pieces that no longer fit our lives.
Setting boundaries and reclaiming energy
Boundaries are like protective frames for the puzzle of our life. They ensure that we define what belongs and what doesn’t. They protect our time, our values, and our emotional well-being. And they are essential in both private and professional environments. Each of us has their own sense of where our individual boundaries should be set and the right that this individuality is respected.
Setting a boundary does not require justification or apology. It can be as simple and firm as:
“I’m not available for this conversation right now.”
“I don’t feel comfortable when you speak to me that way.”
“This behavior is not okay with me.”
“I’m focusing on my own well-being and cannot take this on.”
“I’d appreciate it if you could respect my private space.”
In professional settings, overbearing dynamics can also occur: micromanagement, emotional manipulation, guilt-tripping, or subtle forms of bullying. Learning to recognize these signs early on and asserting our needs with calm and clarity helps us prevent emotional entanglement, although it may not be immediately clear what underlies such behavior.
If someone repeatedly crosses our boundaries despite clear communication, that’s a signal: the issue is no longer our boundary – it’s their disregard for it.
How to deal with a toxic relationship and keep our puzzle intact
If you're in a relationship that feels toxic – whether personal or professional – you should consider the following steps:
Acknowledge the reality. Denial is a coping mechanism, but it postpones healing. Naming the problem is the first act of self-empowerment.
Assess your emotional safety. Do you feel respected, seen, and safe? If not, this must be a priority before continuing any form of engagement.
Practice detachment. This doesn't mean becoming cold or distant. It means emotionally separating yourself from the need to fit in, rescue, or be validated by others.
Seek support. Talk to a coach, therapist, or trusted confidant. Toxic dynamics often skew our perception of reality; an external perspective and validation are key.
Develop an exit plan, if needed. Sometimes relationships cannot be mended. If they are abusive, neglectful, or consistently manipulative, it may be necessary to step away physically, emotionally, or both.
Rebuild your self-trust. Toxic relationships can make you doubt your own inner compass. Reconnect with your values, your strengths, and your vision for a fulfilled life.
When a relationship ends
Letting go of a relationship can feel like dropping a puzzle piece we once cherished. There’s grief, sometimes guilt, and the necessity to reevaluate our expectations. But honoring our limits is an act of integrity. Not every piece belongs to our puzzle. And not every person can or should walk our path with us forever.
When we release what no longer fits, we make space for what does: relationships that are based upon trust, that uplift, inspire, accept us for who we are with all our flaws, that challenge us lovingly, and support our authentic growth.
The bigger picture
Life’s puzzle is never truly finished. Pieces change, get lost, and are found again. But the most important piece is always our relationship with ourselves. When that core is strong, when we know our worth, listen to our needs, and set clear boundaries, we become a master puzzle builder. The picture will never be perfect. But it will be ours.
In the end, what matters is not that every puzzle piece fits seamlessly, but that the picture reflects our truth. That we keep growing and evolving. That we allow life’s surprises, joyful or painful, to guide us toward a fuller version of who we are.
Tatjana Gaspar, Coach, Consultant & Author
Tatjana Gaspar is a certified systemic coach and online trainer who uses methods that focus on the clients’ individual goals, thus aiming at improving their business or life situation. She is also the CEO of the Latin American Chamber of Commerce in Switzerland, where she organizes events, hosts webinars and is responsible for operational and financial issues. Before coaching, she spent 20 years in international wealth management and leadership positions with different banks in Zurich. Initially, Tatjana obtained a degree in hispanic and russian literature and history from the University of Geneva. She is a firm believer in life-long learning and fluent in seven languages.
