Is Catastrophizing Damaging You And Your Relationship?
Written by: Kristen Bilodeau, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
It is not uncommon, especially in times filled with uncertainty, to get caught in catastrophizing the worst case scenario. We let our thoughts go to places where we imagine situations going wrong or others hurting us - whether this stems from fears, prior life experiences, trauma, abandonment, or a history of negative thought patterns, anxiety, or depression. Not only can it be a vicious cycle, but it can take our self-worth and mindset into a spiral while damaging the relationships we have with ourselves and our partners.
Catastrophizing defined
Catastrophizing is a cognitive distortion where irrational thoughts create the worst case scenario for current or future situations. It is a creation of a reality that is magnified and intensified in a negative way that can be limiting - even crippling- to our mental, physical and emotional well-being.
For example, if you worry that if you let someone down or say the wrong thing they will leave you. If you don’t exceed expectations or overperform at work you will be fired. Maybe you believe that when you don’t hear from a loved one hat something terrible has happened to them. These irrational and extreme patterns of thinking can impact your ability to think clearly in situations of ambiguity or uncertainty (which is most of life!)
Impact on Self
What we think about the most grows. The thoughts and feelings we experience are directly connected to our physical and mental processes. By allowing our minds to be controlled by negative thoughts such as fear and worry, we create a destructive pattern of thinking that gives power to toxicity. If you give your power of choice to the negative energy of these thoughts, it can become like a freight train wreaking havoc on the everyday thoughts and experiences of your life. You may become so consumed by intrusive worry that it is difficult for you to focus. It can negatively impact your self-confidence and sense of self-worth. You can become overwhelmed or anxious and struggle to be present at the moment.
Being aware that these catastrophic thinking patterns are present is the first step towards change. By accepting them, not shaming yourself for feeling them, you can begin to reconceptualize them so that they do not become your dominating default thought pattern
Impact on Relationships
When we are in a catastrophic thinking pattern we create scenarios that can project onto our partners and loved ones. We may distrust them or feel the need to control their decisions or behaviors to avoid adverse situations from occurring. The negative emotions of fear, worry, and anxiety could create distance or discomfort or lead to tension and arguments. We may be unable to enjoy the present moment or feel gratitude and appreciation for our partners. It can also create major communications blocks and breakdowns that can perpetuate cycles of anger, resentment, and disconnect.
Power to Choose and Heal
There are few things we can control in our lives; but we can control our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Being aware and owning your thoughts and feelings is a courageous and beautiful step towards self-healing. When you are able to frame these feelings from a place of groundedness, not fear, you can start to unpack the experiences that are connected to these thoughts so that you are able to reframe and reconceptualize them. This is no small feat; but advocating for the support you need to help accomplish this goal can be life-changing
Kristen Bilodeau, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
As a Personal Development and Marriage Coach, Kristen Bilodeau leads women through their own personal journey of finding their voice, healing their marriage, and releasing their inner wild woman. As a woman who struggled in her own journey to self-awareness and truth in her life and marriage, Kristen uses the power of a woman’s story as the tool and catalyst for change, healing, and growth. She helps women uncover their truth through questioning and reflection so that they can be the creator of their experiences and thrive as the woman they were meant to be.
