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Intimacy and Love Begins With You

Written by: Eleni Poling, Executive Contributor

Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.


Who we are being in this world is also who we will attract into our life and our experience.

Mainstream media has made us believe that to attract in an ideal partner, we have to act in certain ways, wear certain things, show up in the world that doesn’t feel true and authentic, and even do things that perhaps we don’t even want to do - for example, go on a dating site (which many people really dislike the idea of) and fear that if they don’t do it, they will miss out and not meet anyone.

Except this is not true.

In my opinion, if you are showing up in the world in a way that doesn’t feel authentic to you, it is actually a recipe for disaster and even heartache in the long run.

And it doesn’t work if you desire to attract in someone of integrity.

On some level even, it is also quite manipulative because you are trying to change or bend behavior to ‘get’ something.

When people do things that feel and are out of integrity for them, guess what they will attract into their life?

People who are also doing the same.

You aren’t meant to do anything except for your own inner work and live your life in alignment with your deeper truth each and every day.

And then, from this place, ideal partners start showing up out of nowhere without you needing to do anything.

You attract in people into your experience not because of what you do, but because of who you are being in your own life and in the world.

The inner work that I am talking about here is healing your traumas, and also looking at your beliefs that you have about men, about women, about relationships, and especially about yourself.

Because our beliefs create our reality. We take action from what we believe to be true.

And our unhealed traumas are reflected back to us in the people that we attract in.

For example, if you have a belief (conscious or unconscious) that ‘people who love me, hurt me’ or ‘people who love me abandon me,’ you will attract this in and will have partners who play this out in your life.

Until you change the belief and also heal the trauma/s around this.

You could replace the belief with something like, ‘people who love me show up for me’ and ‘people who love me stay with me.’

And then from this place, go into the feeling and feel the pain around this. Something cannot fully dissolve until it is fully felt in the body.

Consciously practice doing this as things come up for you.

Notice them. Love on them and also love on yourself every day.

Give love to the parts of you that may still be insecure.

Learn to put up loving boundaries with others in your life when you feel that you need to.

Own your voice. This is a big one that people fear to do because they think that if they share what is truly on their heart and share their truth or feelings, that they won’t be desired. This is a huge fear that I see all of the time, and it’s not true.

A high-quality partner desires and wants all of you.

People who feel whole within themselves have accepted and learned to love both their shadow and their light. These people are the ones who also attract in people who feel whole within themselves as well.

Intimacy with yourself and your own heart is everything. The deeper that you can go within yourself and understand yourself, the deeper that you will be able to go with another. Be the partner to yourself that you would be if you were in a relationship already.

Now, I’m not saying that you need to be holy, healed, and perfect to meet someone or to attract in a quality partner. But what I do suggest is that you come to a place of deep love within yourself before seeking to be in a relationship with somebody.

Choose to show up in the world as your true self every day and live your life in alignment with your heart. You do not need to go out of your way to meet somebody or do things that don’t feel good to you to meet someone.

The key here is to actually detach from meeting a partner, make it all about you, and just be you in life.

The detachment from seeking and ‘looking for’ will attract in a partner, and it will most likely happen when you least expect it. Because the detachment is the attraction to what you want to come into your life.

For example, think of a time that you desired something in the past, and it just wasn’t manifesting or showing up in your life. You were probably stressing about it and thinking about it all of the time, but the moment that you just let go, what you wanted or desired showed up.

Attracting in a quality partner is no different.

The work is to focus on yourself and become the best version of yourself to attract in your match. Get intimate with yourself. Dance, laugh, play, eat good food, take care of yourself, watch movies snuggled on the couch and be in a beautiful, loving vibration and relationship with yourself.

And then once you truly open your heart to yourself and let love in for you FIRST, you will attract someone who is also able to love you because they also love themselves as well.

Remember, it’s not about what you do, it’s about who you are being in the world. It’s about being fully you!

For more info, follow me on Facebook & Instagram!


Eleni Poling, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine

Eleni Poling is a teacher, mentor and healing channel who supports women to embody their most authentic spiritual and sexual expressions in the areas of intimacy and life purpose.

Through live trainings, workshops, group programs and private mentoring, Eleni provides women with wisdom and somatic-based practices to embody their deepest love and deepen in their capacity for intimacy - within themselves as well as their relationships.

Her brand of coaching is far from generic. Through her intensive studies in vibrational healing and mindset work, she created her own approach to transformational healing that allows her students and clients to crush limiting beliefs, break free from self-sabotage and step into being the woman that they know they were always born to be.



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