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I Was Taught To Be A Certain Way, But That Way Didn’t Work For Me

Written by: Ashley Elich, Executive Contributor

Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.


If a common statement you think or say is, “I don’t know…” then you likely have no idea who you are.

Your identity was created by other people, based on their wants and needs, based on how they told you to live.

Growing up, I was taught to be a certain way. (Most of us were…)

Quiet. Agreeable. Impeccable manners. Assuming the adults in my life knew better.

Good grades. Good schools. Pick this college major. Get a job like this.

I was told what success was and I wasn’t supposed to deviate.

And then I was on my own in life. And I was confused.

It was time for me to “be myself,” to “be authentic,” to “be vulnerable and open.” Those things confused me.

The way I was feeling didn’t really match up with the way that I was raised.

And I assumed that I was wrong.

So for a long time, I tried to fit into the box that I was told to fit into as a kid. But the box didn’t work for me anymore.

I quickly realized that I had no idea who I was or what I wanted for my own life. I had been living the way I was taught to live. When I was finally on my own in the real world, I was lost.

My entire identity had been built by other people and their ideas of who I should be.

At first, I fought. I had to fight to keep my current life intact, because if I didn’t then who was I? If I didn’t stay the same, then I had to face whatever was next...

Of course, I gave up eventually. I had to. It was too hard holding onto a life that didn’t work for me.

Once it became harder to stay the same, I decided it was time to change.

I got to work experimenting with potential hobbies, putting myself in places where I might meet like-minded friends, dating in a different way, figuring out new ways of interacting with family, and researching my life’s passions. I learned how to have confidence in myself and the belief that I could get what I want.

I type it out like it was easy and quick. It wasn’t. But it was worth it. I found my happiness when I found myself.

You can too. If you feel ready to figure out who you are and what you want, and then go after it…then don’t wait another minute to begin the best chapter of your life.

Follow me on Instagram and visit my website for more info!


Ashley Elich, Executive Contributor Braiinz Magazine

Ashley Elich is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in guiding her clients to make bold life changes from the inside out. Ashley teaches the mindset practices needed to guide her clients to stop people-pleasing, hold boundaries, and release fear, judgment, and comparison, so that they can discover their dream life, take action, and feel confident in their future. Ashley guides her clients to follow their intuition and make the big moves necessary to change the course of their future.



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