I Suffered That I Am Not Worthy In The Eyes Of My Parents

Written by: Jessie Liew, Executive Contributor

Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.

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See for the longest time, I suffered that I am not worthy in the eyes of my parents.

Back then I am a good student with good academic results, and that's how I felt that I am being “seen” in my parent’s eyes.

This feeling continues to be carried with me even though I've become an adult and eventually a mother.

Last Monday, Wei’s teacher actually reached out to me informing that Wei did not prepare for his spelling test and thus failed his spelling test.

When I got the WhatsApp message, immediately I forwarded the message to my husband.

He came and spoke to me on this matter.

The first reaction I told my husband is to punish Wei.

After I calm down and went through my conscious mind, I discovered that it was how my brother and I were raised.

My brother, on the other hand, wasn't good at his studies.

I can still remember an incident where my brother got beaten by my mum when he failed some of his subjects in the exam.

When Wei got home that night, guess what?

We did not punish him.

In fact, I had a discussion with him.

I go through the problems and instead of accusing him lazy, I decided that I wanted to find out why is he doing this, or basically the reason for his behavior.

After that, I collaborate with him and come up with some action plans to help him with his studies.

He agreed.

For the past few days, right after his dinner, Wei told me what he needs to prepare for tomorrow school. He went upstairs to the study room and begin his work. My husband and I take turns to come in and help him with his studies.

Here's what I discovered, most of us are parenting our children the way we were brought up.

This may not be the best way to parent especially in this digital age.

My parents parented me and my brother from a place of fear. Usually, punishments are one of the ways they use to parent us.

My parents are good parents and I have a tremendous good childhood. My parents parented based on what they know and based on our cultural beliefs.

Punishments work for a while in the family as we would try to comply as we do not want to be punished.

However, we do not see why we need to follow as such and we just follow it to please our parents.

Now I'm a parent.

I would prefer to parent my child from a place of collaboration rather than a place of punishment.

The steps are very simple.

In my family, we have clear Family Values. Family values are the guidelines of our behavior.

I co-created these family values with my children. It allows us to set a higher standard of the type of behavior or habits we want to run the family.

We have a dedicated weekly family meeting to discuss how we want to run this family together, including the use of screen time or any other family matters.

I realized it works so well.

Now my children see and understand why they have to behave in such a way.

Because these family values are co-created and they believe in it, they are much more self-driven.

Before this, I also use punishment ways to parent my children.

I realized that it works for a while, however, it created a lot of resentment and disconnection with my children. My children were afraid to tell me what they are thinking about and about their feelings.

Now with the collaboration method, I realize that my children are more open to telling me everything and we have the most connected, respected, and calm relationship ever.

Remember that I teach this method to Dinuka, and she achieved the same result.

I managed to reduce my son’s screen time from 5 hours daily to 2 hours.

Before the session, I was always angry when my son spends too much time on screen and the relationship was tense. Now our relationship is calm, connected, and respectful.

Previously, due to excessive screentime, his basic responsibility was ignored. Now the basic responsibility is completed before screen time.

On top of it, before the session, I always felt the Internet is bad and dangerous. Now after the session, I feel safe and comfortable with tools/techniques and I also know that my children know how to keep them safe.

I hope this inspires parents here.

I want to draw your attention to this.

If you don’t make a change to reduce your children’s excessive screen time or screen/gaming addiction now, 3 years later is going to be worse. Your children will continue to be the same as he grown up.

If you want to make the year 2022 your best year, then it is a fantastic time to work with me.

To book a call, go to https://calendly.com/jessieliew/applicationcall

If you would like help with reducing your children’s screen addiction and improving your relationship with them, join my free Facebook group to get immediate access to all of my free training: https://bit.ly/FBGRPDPC

If you would like coaching with me to help you reduce your children’s screen addiction and improve your relationship with them, book a free strategy call with me here: https://bit.ly/JLSPCal

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Read more from Jessie!

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Jessie Liew, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine

Jessie Liew is a Digital Parenting Coach. As a cybersecurity expert, a mother of 4, she also has to face the same task as all parents, which is rearing safe & responsible digital citizens.

We are living in a digital era, and hence we need new skills to parent our children. She’s been working in the cybersecurity field for more than 14 years. She also holds professional certifications in Cyber Security (CISSP, CRISC, and CISA).

She has been able to shape the companies’ employees' internet habits as well as in her own children.

Her Mission: Empower Parents to nurture their children to use the Internet and technologies in a positive way while staying safe on the Internet. This builds the foundation of our future Digital Citizens. She is looking for parents or educators who want to nurture their children to be responsible digital citizens and build a great relationship with their children.