How to Start Loving Yourself as a Mom Without the Guilt or Perfection Pressure
- Brainz Magazine
- Aug 1
- 12 min read
Marine Sebire is a mind-body strength coach for moms. She is the founder of Moms’ Journey to Strength, a program dedicated to helping women boost their energy, build confidence, and feel strong, inside and out. Since 2014, she has coached moms around the world to reclaim their health and emotional well-being.
Did you know that up to 85% of women struggle with low self-esteem, and that 7 out of 10 feel they’re “not good enough” in some area of their lives? For moms, it’s even more intense. Studies show that over 80% of mothers battle guilt and inadequacy, and more than half say they’ve lost their identity after having children.
The invisible weight moms carry
You give and give until there’s nothing left, but when was the last time you gave anything to yourself?
For many moms, the idea of self-love feels foreign or even selfish. Maybe it was never modelled for you growing up. Maybe heartbreak or divorce shattered your confidence. Maybe motherhood consumed you so fully that you forgot what it means to care for yourself.
And then there’s social media flooding your feed with picture-perfect moms who seem to have it all together. The toned bodies. The always-happy kids. The spotless homes. It’s no wonder you start to question your worth.
Do these thoughts sound familiar? “I’m not beautiful enough.”
“I’m not skinny enough.” “I’m not smart enough.”
“I don’t deserve to take time for myself.”
Maybe you feel guilty for wanting a break, for spending money on yourself, or for dreaming about something that’s just yours, not your partner’s, not your kids’.
These thoughts have become so constant that they feel normal.
But they’re not. And deep down, you know that. You matter.
And it’s time to find you again, not the mom, not the wife, not the daughter. Just you.
Because when you reconnect with who you truly are, when you rebuild your confidence from within and learn to love yourself as you are, something powerful happens. You show up differently, not just for yourself, but for everyone around you.
What greater gift can you give your children than showing them what self-love looks like, so they don’t have to unlearn the same pain you did?
In this article, we’ll explore how childhood wounds, life transitions, and modern-day pressures have shaped your relationship with yourself and how to start rewriting that story.
Because the most powerful thing you can do for your family is to finally love yourself.
Is self-love selfish?
If the idea of self-love feels selfish or even narcissistic, it might be because you’ve spent too long believing you’re unworthy of your own care and attention. But self-love isn’t about putting yourself above others; it’s about returning to yourself. It’s about finding peace in your own presence, honoring your needs, and defining happiness on your terms.
Yes, it feels good when your partner calls you beautiful, when your friends check in, or when someone else notices your effort, but true happiness can’t be outsourced. You can’t build a lasting sense of worth on borrowed validation.
And I don’t mean to burst your bubble, but your happiness can’t depend solely on your kids or your partner. If you’ve gone through a divorce, you already know how fragile that can be. And your kids? One day they’ll grow up, leave home, and create lives of their own.
What will be left for you then?
Your life doesn’t end when their chapter begins. So start discovering yourself today. Start now.
You don’t need to be perfect to deserve love, especially your own. Loving yourself from the inside out isn’t selfish.
It’s the most powerful and necessary investment you’ll ever make.
How does a lack of self-love show up?
Lacking self-love doesn’t always scream at you; it often whispers in the quiet moments. And it shows up in different areas of your life, sometimes without you even realizing it.
Here are some of the most common signs:
Emotional & mental signs
Negative self-talk: You constantly tell yourself things like “I’m not good enough,” “I’m a failure,” or “I don’t matter.”
Difficulty accepting compliments: You deflect or downplay praise, struggling to believe it’s true.
Imposter syndrome: You feel like a fraud, no matter your achievements, always waiting for someone to “find you out.”
Chronic guilt or shame: You feel guilty for resting, saying no, or simply prioritizing your own needs.
Relational signs
People-pleasing: You put others first to gain approval or avoid conflict, often at the cost of your own well-being.
Fear of abandonment: You cling to relationships, not out of love, but out of fear of being left behind.
Behavioral signs
Avoiding alone time: You struggle to sit with your own thoughts, constantly seeking distraction through screens, noise, or busyness.
Self-sabotage: You procrastinate, avoid progress, or push away good things because deep down you don’t feel deserving.
Comparison & Envy: You measure your worth against others, convinced that everyone else is doing better than you.
If you’re standing at a crossroads in life feeling lost, unworthy, unlovable, or simply not enough, I want you to know: I see you. I’ve been there.
And here’s the truth: this doesn’t have to be your forever.
Things begin to shift the moment you choose yourself. Not when others finally approve.
Not when everything’s perfect.
But right now, when you decide that your healing, your voice, and your love matter.
You can’t control how others see or treat you. But you can take ownership of how you treat yourself. And no, you don’t have to figure it all out today. You won’t erase years of negative thoughts, overthinking, or codependency in one night.
But you can start.
And in the next part of this article, I’ll share powerful tools to help you quiet the inner critic, calm your mind, and begin building a love for yourself that’s real, lasting, and completely yours.
You can’t heal if you keep reliving the wound
Now that you see how a lack of self-love has been showing up in your life, here’s the truth: you don’t have to stay stuck in that story.
Whatever your lack of self-love, self-esteem, or confidence is rooted in, whether it’s childhood pain, past relationships, or life transitions, you have to acknowledge it and then let it go.
You won’t move forward by fixating on what could’ve been. The “what ifs” will only keep you stuck in a loop of regret and self-blame.
What’s done is done. You can’t rewrite the past, but you can choose what happens next.
This is where everything begins to shift, not with blame, but with choice.
8 powerful tools to help you build lasting self-love
1. Start with a blank canvas
When your day begins with spiralling thoughts, racing anxiety, and that tight feeling in your chest as if you’re gasping for air, it becomes almost impossible to build healthy habits or practice self-love.
You can’t create from chaos.
Imagine instead of starting your day with a messy, overworked canvas filled with missed strokes, harsh colors, and emotional noise, you begin with a blank one. A clean, open space.
Every morning is a fresh canvas, and you get to decide what you paint on it.
To help you reset your mind and return to this grounded, blank-canvas state, here are two powerful practices that bring you back to the present and into your body:
Cold exposure
When practiced safely and progressively, especially when paired with breathwork, cold exposure pulls you into the now. The shock of cold demands your full attention, grounding you in your breath and silencing mental chatter.
Just a few minutes of this can reset your nervous system, slow your thoughts, and give you a surge of clarity and energy. It’s a simple but powerful way to start your day fresh and connected to yourself.
Meditation
Meditation invites stillness and silence. At first, it can feel uncomfortable, your mind may race, your body might resist. But over time, sitting with yourself becomes a powerful act of presence. It teaches you to observe your thoughts without judgment, to breathe through discomfort, and to return again and again to the now.
With consistent practice, you begin to clear the noise and soften the inner chaos. Meditation becomes your reset button, gently wiping your inner canvas clean.
These tools aren’t just habits, they’re practices in presence. And presence is where self-love begins.
2. Move because you love yourself, not because you don’t
Don’t move your body out of punishment. Don’t hit the gym because you hate your reflection or have gained a few pounds. Move because you respect your body. Because you’re grateful for everything it carries you through daily chaos, childbirth, sleepless nights, and emotional weight. Your body is the only home you’ll live in from birth to your last breath. Treat it with care. Nourish it well.
Whether it’s a walk around the block, lifting weights at the gym, or dancing barefoot in your living room, your body and your mind will thank you. Movement isn’t just about fitness, it’s about healing. Studies show that women who move regularly report higher levels of self-worth. Activities like weight lifting or yoga can shift how you feel about your body.
And if you’re a mom navigating the aftermath of divorce, trauma, or identity loss, physical movement becomes more than just exercise; it becomes therapy. It restores self-esteem, builds emotional resilience, and helps you reconnect to the strength that’s been within you all along.
3. Collect the evidence: A confidence file for the days you forget
When you’re struggling with low self-esteem, it can feel almost impossible to see your own light, let alone believe in it. In those moments, you don’t need to force positivity. You need concrete proof of your worth.
Here’s a simple yet powerful practice:
Start gathering evidence of your worth.
It can be a note in your phone, a physical journal, or even a private photo album. Fill it with reminders of your strengths, your wins, your value.
Write down things you genuinely like about yourself, qualities, and strengths.
Screenshot compliments, messages of encouragement, or kind words that people have shared with you.
Save photos or reminders of things you’ve accomplished, big or small.
Each piece is a truth you tend to forget when self-doubt takes over.
This tool is especially powerful for those battling imposter syndrome when your achievements feel like flukes, or you fear being “found out” as not good enough. On those days, open your file. Go through the evidence. Let the facts speak louder than fear.
4. The power of silence: Learning to be with yourself
When you’re constantly surrounded by noise, whether it’s your children’s voices, notifications buzzing, or your own racing thoughts, silence can feel unfamiliar, even threatening. In the quiet, old wounds echo louder. Overthinking, self-doubt, and worry creep in, making it tempting to avoid silence altogether.
True self-love includes the ability to be alone with yourself, without distractions. No TV, no music, no scrolling, just you. And while that may feel uncomfortable at first, it’s also where deep healing begins.
As a mom, those quiet moments may feel rare. That’s why waking up a little earlier or creating intentional pauses in your day is so powerful. If you’re sharing custody or your kids have grown and left home, you might already know this silence well, and maybe you’re learning to make peace with it.
Silence becomes easier to embrace when you’ve built the emotional foundation using tools like journaling, breathwork, and movement. Start small. If the quiet feels heavy, write your thoughts down. Breathe deeply. Stretch gently. Cook a meal with presence. Read a page without rushing.
Learning to sit with yourself and enjoy it is one of the greatest gifts you can give your soul. Because when you love yourself, your own company no longer feels empty, it feels like home.
5. Dress up for you, no one else
Why wait for a special occasion to feel good in your own skin? You don’t need a party, a date, or anyone’s approval to wear that dress you love, do your makeup, or treat yourself to freshly done nails. If you’ve been holding back because you’re worried about what others might think or because you’ve convinced yourself you don’t “deserve” it pause right there. You do.
The truth is, people will always have opinions. Let them. This is about you. When you take the time to get ready for yourself, not to impress anyone else, but because it makes you feel alive and confident, you send a powerful message to your brain: I’m worth showing up for.
If you’re going through a life transition or you’ve never really explored what you love to wear, now is the perfect time. Play. Try new styles, colours, and textures. Figure out what makes you feel confident, not what’s trending, not what your partner prefers, and not what other moms are wearing. Own your look. Be bold, be soft, be edgy, be you.
Create a style that reflects your inner glow, and don’t be afraid to let the world see it, even if the only person who sees it today is your reflection in the mirror.
You deserve to feel amazing. Every single day.
6. Date yourself
This might feel uncomfortable, especially if you’re struggling with self-confidence. Dating yourself might feel awkward at first, but it’s powerful. Too often, we treat time alone like a punishment when in reality, it’s a gift. You are a catch. So don’t bring bad energy into it, as if you already expect a boring time. Instead, approach it like you would a first date with someone you’re excited to get to know because that someone is you.
Whether you’re married, newly single, or somewhere in between, learning to enjoy your own company is a foundational piece of self-love. How can you expect someone else to enjoy being around you if you can’t even enjoy it yourself?
Watch a movie solo. Book a table for one. Take yourself to a museum, a concert, or a quiet walk with your favorite playlist. And yes, maybe even a solo vacation (it’s not impossible, even as a mom, start small if you need to). The more time you spend with yourself, the more you discover who you are beyond the roles you play for everyone else.
Make it a ritual. Make it fun. Most of all, make it about you.
7. You’re allowed to say no
Your time and energy are sacred, and you have every right to choose where they go. As you begin to value yourself more, you’ll naturally become more selective about who gets access to your attention, your presence, and your care.
Saying no doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you self-aware.
You don’t have to say yes just to avoid guilt or conflict. You don’t have to keep showing up for people who only reach out when they need something. Of course, this isn’t about becoming cold or closed off; it’s about creating balance. It’s about protecting your peace.
Not every request deserves a yes. You’re allowed to put yourself first without apology.
8. Surround yourself with people who reflect the life you’re creating
You know that friend or family member who constantly complains, plays the victim, or always has something negative to say but never takes action to change their life? We all have someone like that. And while it’s not easy to admit, sometimes the most loving thing you can do for yourself is create space.
Especially when you’re just beginning your self-love journey, your environment matters. You don’t need more emotional weight to carry. You need support, lightness, and people who inspire growth, not drain it.
Ask yourself honestly: Does spending time with this person help me feel the way I want to feel? Are they helping me move forward or keeping me stuck?
Protect your peace. Surround yourself with people who speak life into your dreams, support your healing, and reflect the energy you’re working so hard to cultivate.
You’re not being harsh, you’re honoring yourself. And that’s what self-love looks like in real time.
Your peace is sacred. Protect it.
Your self-love journey
Self-love isn’t a destination; it’s a lifelong practice. Some days, life will knock the wind out of you. You’ll feel lost, disconnected, or unsure of your worth. And on those days, showing yourself compassion will matter most.
There will be mornings when it’s hard to find your light, especially when hormones, exhaustion, or self-doubt creep in. You may not recognize yourself in the mirror. You might feel bloated, reactive, or far from the version of yourself you want to be. That’s okay. That’s human.
But don’t stop.
Keep returning to the tools that bring you back to yourself. Keep showing up with kindness, even when it’s hard. Progress isn’t linear, but every step you take is proof that you haven’t given up on yourself.
You are not broken. You are evolving.
You are worthy, on your best days and your worst. You are strong.
You are beautiful.
And above all, you are deserving of your own love.
Ready to start your self-love journey for real this time?
You don’t have to do it alone. If you’re ready to reconnect with who you are beyond the roles, the pressure, and the self-doubt, I’m here to guide you. Together, we’ll build the mindset, habits, and confidence you need to feel strong, grounded, and truly at peace with yourself.
Book your free consultation today. Let’s talk about where you are, where you want to be, and how we can get there, step by step, together.
Read more from Marine Sebire
Marine Sebire, Mind-Body Strength Coach for Moms
Marine Sebire is a respected voice in mind-body strength and emotional resilience for moms. After facing depression, divorce, and the identity shift of motherhood, she rebuilt herself from the inside out. She now helps other women do the same, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Since 2014, she has coached moms to reclaim their health, confidence, and purpose. She is the founder of Moms’ Journey to Strength, a coaching program blending fitness, mindset, and emotional well-being. Her mission: Empowering moms to reclaim their strength, inside and out.
