How to Find Your Life Partner – 3 Simple Rules for Lasting Love
- Brainz Magazine
- Oct 2
- 4 min read
Written by Jack Aaron, Personality Type Expert and Coach
Jack Aaron is a business psychologist and the founder of the World Socionics Society and InPsyght Consulting UK. A thought leader in personality psychology, he helps individuals and organisations unlock potential through evidence-based insights and practical solutions.
Finding lasting love has never been more difficult. With a growing dating crisis among young people and marriage rates at record lows. [1] Many say the biggest challenge is simply finding the right partner. [2]
My name is Jack Aaron. I am a business psychologist who specialises in personality assessment and relationship compatibility. In my work, I have helped people find their life partners and even saved marriages on the brink of collapse.
Here, I want to share three simple rules that will help you identify who is truly compatible. Follow them, and you’ll have a clearer sense of who fills the gaps in your psyche, laying the foundations for mutual fulfilment and long-term stability.
Rule 1: Same values – Why shared beliefs matter in relationships
We are often told that diversity is always a good thing. But research shows that when "diversity" means a clash of values, performance and trust collapse, whether in teams, organisations, or relationships. [3] If you and your partner cannot agree on what matters most, it will be hard to build a stable life together.
The key is to find someone whose values match your own. All values can be grouped into four families:
Unity: Inclusiveness and fairness, keeping things light, playful, and positive. Ideas are explored openly with curiosity and wonder.
Impact: Making a mark on the world. Conviction, intensity, and uncompromising action in line with absolute truth.
Autonomy: Independence and competence. Critical thinking, vigilance, and a restless pursuit of personal goals.
Growth: Humility and learning. Openness to others, steady skill-building, and sharing practical solutions.
Start by reflecting on your own values. Which of these resonates most with how you naturally approach the world? Equally useful, noticing which set feels "off" or even repulsive. Unity and autonomy are often at odds, as are growth and impact.
Once you know your values, look for a partner who shares them. Shared values mean shared priorities, and shared priorities reduce the chances of conflict, breakups, and divorce.
Rule 2: Complementary strengths – How opposites create balance
While values need to be aligned, strengths are different here, opposites attract. Life together means navigating countless challenges. Running a household, raising children, earning money, and adapting to change. The more your strengths complement each other, the more resilient you’ll be as a couple.
Strengths can also be grouped into four zones:
Operational: Handling practical realities, solving problems with real things, and creating structure.
Social: Reading people, resolving disputes, persuading, and maintaining close relationships.
Spiritual: Reflecting on deeper beliefs, seeing potential in others, and finding meaning.
Intellectual: Spotting patterns in data, developing new theories, and anticipating long-term outcomes.
To work out which zone fits you best, remember this, those who value unity or autonomy fall into the social or intellectual zones, while those who value impact or growth fall into the operational or spiritual zones.
To help find your potential life partner, apply the rule of opposites. If you are operational, seek someone spiritual. If you are Intellectual, look for someone social. This balance covers blind spots and creates a partnership where both can grow.
Rule 3: Different fixations – Avoiding conflict in long-term love
Beyond values and strengths, we all have areas where we become stubborn, where we insist on doing things our own way. If you and your partner fixate on the same area, conflict is inevitable. But if your fixations differ, you can avoid unnecessary clashes and support each other instead.
There are four main fixations, each expressed differently depending on your values:
Goodness
Unity: Stubbornly positive and open, saying “yes” to everything.
Autonomy: Stubbornly critical and judgmental, saying “no” by default.
Achievement
Unity: Stubbornly complacent, clinging to comfort and simplicity.
Autonomy: Stubbornly restless, always pushing for higher goals.
Knowledge
Impact: Stubbornly certain, resistant to contrary evidence.
Growth: Stubbornly uncommitted to general conclusions, never settling on absolutes.
Reputation
Impact: Stubbornly focused on influence and recognition.
Growth: Stubbornly unconcerned with image, often misunderstood.
The key is balance. If you and your potential life partner share the same fixation, you’ll lock horns. If you share values but differ in fixation, you can dovetail, supporting one another rather than competing.
Putting it all together
To summarise:
Choose a partner with the same values.
Choose a partner with complementary strengths.
Choose a partner with different fixations.
Follow these rules, and you maximise your chances of finding a life partner for a relationship that is fulfilling, resilient, and long-lasting.
Finding your life partner doesn’t have to be a guessing game. With the right insights, you can build the lasting relationship you deserve. If you’d like support on your journey, I’d love to help. Discover more through the World Socionics Society website.
Jack Aaron, Personality Type Expert and Coach
Jack Aaron is a business psychologist, coach, and founder of the World Socionics Society (WSS), one of the leading international platforms for Socionics and personality-type research. Through the WSS YouTube channel, he has interviewed hundreds of people and built a global audience, establishing himself as a thought leader in personality psychology. He is also the founder of InPsyght Consulting UK, where he helps organisations strengthen leadership, enhance teamwork, and build healthier cultures. His work has impacted lives directly, from helping teams collaborate more effectively to saving marriages and even helping people find their life partners, including his own.
References:
[1] OECD, 2024
