How to Ditch Mom-Guilt and Take Care of Yourself First
Dace Ernsone is a personal trainer based in Stockholm, a wellness coach and founder of Born to be, an online fitness platform for women who want to become stronger. Dace is known for her passion for inspiring other women to prioritize taking care of their health in their busy daily lives.
Have you ever felt guilty for taking time off? Or even just wanting to take time off for yourself? Do you easily take care of everyone else in the family but always forget the most important person: yourself? Then this article is for you to rethink if you are actually helping your family by constantly down-prioritizing your needs. There have been discussions about how working out will make you a better entrepreneur, but this will be about how working out will make you a better mom.
What is mom-guilt?
Mom-guilt often arrives uninvited at the same time as your firstborn baby. Suddenly, you have so many new duties, your daily routines are upside-down, and you start to forget what else is important to you except taking care of the baby. And when at some point you want to do something you previously liked, you start feeling guilty by wanting to leave your child with someone else. Social media also plays a big part in making mom-guilt even worse by mostly showcasing the perfect-mom image who is constantly indulging in creative activities with her baby and always has everything under control when your daily reality doesn’t look like these nice pictures. I just want to say it is completely okay. You are doing your best. Feeling mom-guilt is also okay. It is natural because of the way our women's brain is built. However, you need to know that you can learn to deal with mom-guilt the same way you learn all new skills by practicing.
Signs that you may have mom-guilt
Some of the signs that mom-guilt has taken over you are anxiety, feeling overwhelmed, self-doubt, and overcompensating. Consistently down-prioritizing your well-being and taking care of your physical health can even lead to different health issues like chronic pain or burnout.
Peanut and Tommee Tippee's research found that 95% of mothers experience guilt. While the reasons for guilt may be different, 31% of women confessed that they find it challenging to find time for themselves. Well, is it challenging? Or are you hiding behind a million excuses, not wanting to admit that you are feeling guilty by wanting to hit the gym?
Common excuses for not working out
I don't have time
The truth I,s you have time. You just have to get your priorities straight. Maybe you can skip 10 minutes of scrolling on social media, or maybe you can delegate the dishes to your partner. Maybe you can order food and allow yourself not to feel guilty for not always providing home-cooked meals for your family. Look over your day and see where you can curve out some time.
If I work out, I will be even more tired afterward
False. Working out makes you more resilient and able to cope with your busy daily life. On the days when you work out, you may want to go to bed earlier than usual. However, this is a good thing. Your body is smart enough to tell you that you need to recover as well. And the chain goes: working out leads to better quality sleep, feeling more rested and energized the next day, and more resilience to do more tasks in the future.
I can't leave my kids alone
Oftentimes, you can. However, if your situation is like that, involve them! Make it a fun family activity, and find what works for you. It may not be the heavy weightlifting session you are longing for, but good cardio with your little ones can be a game-changer to improve your mood and overall health.
I want to work out, but I don't know how
Explore the opportunities for some group training in your local community. It usually requires less experience, and you get to socialize as well. Try searching for mom groups, where you could even find your next accountability partner. However, if you find it challenging to train in a group, consider hiring a professional.
You can book a free consultation with me, and let's discuss what could be the best steps for you.
The truth is, we all have, at some point, used one of the excuses above to justify our not working out. A lot of the time, these excuses are just a way of hiding the guilt for wanting to take time off for yourself. But when you see the clear benefits of exercise, you can start to wonder are you really doing your family a favour by down-prioritizing your health?
Change the perspective
Your health is the outline for your family. Without it, you will not be able to continue to take care of your kids or anyone else. When you are taking time for yourself, you are investing in the future well-being of your family. You will have more energy for your never-ending daily tasks; you will have more empathy and patience to offer to your children. Isn’t that what we all want? To be that calm, cool mom who can bravely listen to her kid's tantrums with an easy smile on her lips, knowing that this will pass. Like all struggles. Because you are stronger than ever.
Remind yourself that self-care is not selfish. What would you say to your kid if they wanted to start exercising? You would encourage them and cheer them up! Then do it for yourself as well next time when you are starting to feel the guilt again. Put this as a reminder on a post-it and leave it somewhere you can see it daily. If you need more convincing, check this article about how you are the most valuable thing in your life.
Other self-care options
I’ve been focusing on exercising as a way of taking care of myself since I’ve seen it and experienced it myself as the most effective way of self-care. And that is not just me; the research proves how exercising makes us more stress-resilient, and we have to admit that stress is an inevitable part of busy moms' daily lives.
However, here are some quick tips on what other activities you could do when you have your next self-care session planned (since you´re ready to ditch your mom-guilt and start with that now, right?):
Walk outside in nature. Preferably alone and without any podcast in your earbuds.
Home spa. Light some candles in the bathroom, bring your favorite tea, and put some cucumber on the eyes. Want something more exciting? Have you tried a coffee ground scrub for your body?
Read some good books. Instead of scrolling the social media and feeling guilty about all the things you´re missing out on, put your phone away and turn to the good old-fashioned book.
Sleep. Send your family out for an adventure and take a good old (though this time guilt-free) Nap!
Meditate. This one is hard when you have a busy schedule, but I promise you that even 2-5 minutes a day can make a huge difference. Start by closing your eyes and concentrating on your breath, which is with you every day and keeps you alive. Notice it and give it some gratitude.
Remember: self-care is not selfish! And you are doing great, Mama!
If you ever want to talk, you can find my social media links below, or you can book a call with me.
Read more from Dace Ernsone
Dace Ernsone, Personal Trainer and Wellness Coach
Dace, originally from Latvia, is a dedicated strength and wellness coach and licensed personal trainer who has been living in Stockholm since 2017. Inspired by Sweden’s active lifestyle, she transformed her own fitness journey and now helps others do the same. She is passionate about empowering women, particularly moms and beginners, to integrate exercise into their busy daily lives. Through her coaching, she promotes strength, confidence, and sustainable health routines. Dace believes fitness is a luxury and a powerful tool for self-improvement.
