How To Conquer FONKU (Fear Of Not Keeping Up)
- Oct 4, 2022
- 4 min read
Written by: Dr. Belynder Walia, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
We all want to be the best version of ourselves, but sometimes we're afraid of what it takes to get there. The fear of not keeping up (FONKU) can prevent us from reaching our full potential and living our best lives.
There is a huge difference between being busy and being productive. Being active can mean doing things that don't necessarily matter, while being productive means working on things that do matter.
It's important to realise that not everyone else is as busy as you think. You don't have time for FONKU, so stop wasting time worrying about it!
Here are some valuable tips for dealing with FONKU:
Know Your Purpose
To know what we should do with our lives, we need to know our purpose first! Remember, we all have a unique purpose that only we can fulfill. The more we align ourselves with this purpose, the less we will feel like something is missing from our lives because we are doing what makes us happy.
Focus on Your Strengths Instead of Your Weaknesses
When we focus on our weaknesses, it can make us feel inadequate and insecure. Instead, focus on what makes you unique or different from other people. What makes you stand out? What are your unique qualities? Identifying these can help build confidence in yourself and reduce feelings of self-consciousness or insecurity.
Be Realistic About Your Goals
Setting realistic goals is key to achieving anything worthwhile in life. If your goal is to be able to juggle two jobs and still have time for family and friends, then it's not going to happen overnight. You need to take baby steps towards achieving your goal until you get there — and even then, it's likely that maneuvering your time will always be somewhat stressful because of competing demands. So don't get ahead of yourself; don't expect too much too soon. Allow yourself time.
Practice Self-Compassion
Everyone makes mistakes and has setbacks along the way. When this happens, it's easy for a sense of failure or inadequacy to set in — but it's important to remember that everyone goes through these moments from time to time, and there is nothing wrong with them! Learn how to be compassionate with yourself by recognising that these feelings are normal when learning something new, then accept them as part of the process instead of beating yourself up.
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others Negatively
Without a dilemma, the comparison is the thief of joy, so they say. When you compare yourself to others negatively and find there's always someone who has more than you, it can make you feel like there's something wrong with you.
It's important to remember that everyone has different priorities in life, so what may seem of great importance to someone else may not be as important to you. Stop comparing yourself with others negatively and focus on improving yourself by working on what you're good at instead of focusing on someone else's success.
Accept Your Flaws and Learn from Them
This goes hand-in-hand with stopping comparison and has its own advantages. Instead of beating yourself up over making mistakes or failing at something (which we all do), try accepting these things as part of who you are as a person (or a team) and learn from them. This could mean learning how to improve upon what went wrong or just learning how it feels to fail next time something similar happens.
Stop Judging Yourself
When people are afraid of not keeping up with the latest trends, they often judge themselves harshly when they aren't living up to their expectations. Try looking at yourself objectively instead of through rose-coloured glasses and not let self-criticism take over your mind. If you're feeling stressed or anxious because you haven't been able to keep up with everything in your life lately, take some time away from social media and other aggravating situations to get back on track without pressure from others or yourself.
Focus on What You Can Control
The one thing we can control in life is ourselves. Therefore, we should concentrate on this rather than worrying about things outside our control. For instance, other people's opinions and what they think about us or our choices are not as important as what you feel about yourself. No one can control what other people think or do, so why waste time worrying about it? Instead, prioritise what matters most: your happiness and well-being.
These tips are by no means the only things that you can do to overcome FONKU. But if you're looking for a positive, practical approach to tackling this fear, I think they may help. They're mainly small things to remember as an antidote to feeling overwhelmed. And even though it wasn't addressed directly above, take time for yourself — it's vital to your overall emotional health and well-being. Whether you need time to read books, write, or relax in the sunshine doing nothing, be sure to give it to yourself regularly.
Dr. Belynder Walia, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Belynder Walia is a leading Psychotherapist who helps people who need a swift, effective solution to a current problem that negatively impacts their lives. She's worked with a wide variety of people, from stay-at-home carers to experts and celebrities in the public eye. Having suffered from Perinatal Anxiety, she focuses on enabling others to learn, heal and grow from pain. Belynder is the founder of Serene Lifestyles, an online and on-set psychotherapy practice at www.serenelifestyles.com. Her ground-breaking methods include a combination of Psychotherapy and Neuroplasticity to help align the THREE Brains (the head, heart, and gut). She's in many publications, including Forbes, Cosmopolitan, Harpers Bazaar, The Moment, Planet Mindful, and Thrive Global. She’s featured on the front cover of Passion Vista as one of the women to look up to 2022. Belynder is also writing her first non-fiction book, to help people radically change their minds to change their lives.
