How To Calm Your Nerves Before You Speak Using The 3 R’s Framework
- Jun 24, 2025
- 4 min read
Updated: Jun 27, 2025
Written by Nick Haswell, Coach, Speaker & Author
Nick Haswell is a coach, author, and speaker with nearly 20 years’ experience in performance, leadership, and personal development. He helps people reconnect with their voice, values, and purpose through coaching and workshops, empowering them to lead and live authentically.
You’re about to speak, whether it’s a high-stakes boardroom, a wedding toast, or a milestone event. Suddenly, your heart pounds, your hands sweat, and your mind races with “what ifs.” If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Over 75% of people experience anxiety about public speaking more than the number afraid of heights, spiders, or even death.
As a speaker, performer, and confidence coach, I’ve seen how nerves can rob even the most accomplished professionals of their voice. But I’ve also learned that nerves aren’t the enemy; they’re a sign that you care. The key is having a reliable strategy to channel that energy into presence and impact.
That’s why I created the 3 R’s: A practical, science-backed framework to help you move from panic to poise, no matter the stage.
Why nerves strike and how to respond
Nervousness is a natural response to high-stakes moments. Our brains are wired to scan for threats, which can trigger a cascade of physical and mental reactions. But those signals, like warning lights on a dashboard, aren’t there to stop you; they’re there to prepare you.
The 3 R’s framework helps you read those signals, reset your system, and steer your energy toward powerful communication.
The 3 R’s: Recognise, Reset, Reframe
1. Recognise
Pause and name what you’re feeling: “This is adrenaline. This is fear. It’s okay.” Neuroscience shows that labelling your emotions activates your prefrontal cortex, helping regulate the amygdala, the brain’s fear centre (Lieberman et al., 2007). This simple act can reduce the intensity of your nerves.
2. Reset
Take a diaphragmatic breath: Place your hand just below your rib cage, inhale deeply through your nose so your belly expands, and exhale slowly through your mouth. Keep your shoulders relaxed and still. This activates the parasympathetic nervous system, lowering your heart rate and cortisol levels (Jerath et al., 2015). As a vocal coach, I know this breath grounds your voice and calms your body.
3. Reframe
Shift your inner dialogue with a power statement: swap “I have to be perfect” for “I’m here to connect” or “This is the energy I can use.” This cognitive shift, rooted in CBT, helps you move from threat to opportunity (Beck, 2011).
Make the 3 R’s work for you
For high-anxiety moments: Practice the 3 R’s in low-pressure settings to build confidence.
For introverts: Reframe nerves as a sign of care and focus on authentic connection.
For seasoned speakers: Use the 3 R’s as a reset between sections or when you sense attention drifting.
The beauty of this framework is its flexibility; it works for interviews, presentations, tough conversations, speaking up in meetings, pitching ideas, and even virtual calls or live panels.
Troubleshooting & growth
If you find the 3 R’s tricky at first, you’re not alone. Extend your exhale, pair your power statement with journaling, or set reminders before key moments. Remember: the goal isn’t to erase nerves, but to harness them for clarity and connection.
From stage fright to stage presence
Let me share something personal: I’ve delivered speeches, sung songs, acted professionally, and danced on stages as a pro dancer all over the world. The nerves never left.
I now almost welcome them, they remind me that I’m human and about to do something exciting that I’ll never forget. Those butterflies are a sign that what I’m doing matters, and I’ve learned to channel that energy into my performance instead of letting it hold me back.
True confidence isn’t about never feeling nervous. It’s about showing up, being real, and connecting with your audience. Audiences don’t want perfection; they want presence.
Turn nerves into your superpower
The 3 R’s: Recognise, Reset, Reframe are your toolkit for turning nerves into your greatest asset. With consistent practice, you’ll find yourself stepping up with more calm, clarity, and confidence at any stage, at any moment.
You don’t have to be fearless to be powerful; you just need a way through. Are you ready to transform your nerves into your superpower? Try the 3 R’s at your next big moment and share your experience in the comments, or connect with me directly for tailored tips and support. Let’s make your next performance unforgettable for all the right reasons.
Read more from Nick Haswell
Nick Haswell, Coach, Speaker & Author
Nick Haswell is a coach, author, and speaker with nearly 20 years’ experience helping people build confidence, clarity, and purpose. He blends practical coaching tools with mindset strategies to empower authentic leadership and personal growth. Nick is the author of the upcoming book The Confident Revolution, inspiring readers to overcome fear and step into their power.
References:
Lieberman, M. D., et al. (2007). Putting feelings into words: Affect labelling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli. Psychological Science.
Jerath, R., et al. (2015). Physiology of long pranayamic breathing: Neural respiratory elements may provide a mechanism that explains how slow deep breathing shifts the autonomic nervous system. Medical Hypotheses.
Beck, J. S. (2011). Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond.
