How To Avoid Living Someone Else’s Life

Written by: Annie McKinnon, Senior Level Executive Contributor

Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.

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I don’t know about you but… For me, growing up in Scotland during the 70s, felt extremely oppressive which meant I found it impossible to just be me, Annie, whatever that meant, if I wanted to be accepted within the boundaries of societal norms.

I was intuitive from an early age. I would listen to conversations and much of the time, arguments about religion. The question of “what team do you support?” was asked regularly when a person was trying to find out “which side you belonged to” You see, the two top football teams in Scotland are supported by opposing religions. supporters of Celtic, are of the catholic religion. On the other hand, Rangers supporters are of the protestant religion. I think to exist otherwise is probably extremely rare.

You might be thinking, why should that matter?

To matter is an understatement. The supporters of both sides fought each other regularly within the football ground and more regularly outside it. There were even pubs assigned to each religion where no one else would dare enter unless of course, they were actively looking for trouble. Generations passing down these traditions along with feelings of hate, and the strong message that you must not associate with anyone who was not the same religion. I came to understand very quickly as a child, that anyone who was different in any way whatsoever to my own family and friends would not be tolerated.

These beliefs were taught and ingrained in each one of us so that, at the time, it felt completely natural to say to someone, for example, “I can’t hang out with you because you hold a different religion to me”. People stayed in their groups of sameness fearing being ostracized if they dared even think about going against the grain.

What culture did you grow up in and what compromises did you need to make?

I ask this question because with no exception, every single client who comes to me for help finds that part of what really holds them back is the beliefs ingrained in them by other people.

Conditioning is so powerful that we can get lost in what other people have made us believe and sometimes we just don’t think to question these beliefs. I would like to suggest that the minute you find yourself digging your heels in and holding on to a belief, ask yourself, whose voice am I hearing when I think or say this? I think you will surprise yourself and find that a lot of what you think isn’t really your belief at all.

I’m guessing you may also have grown up in an environment that was unhealthy and found your own coping mechanisms?

Going into my teenage years, I felt angry and resentful that I couldn’t just be myself and choose who and what I wanted in my life. This way of being transferred into all areas of my life and I found myself rebelling against everything just to be seen and heard. I eventually learned to let the anger and resentment go, dug deep and did the hard work to find what I really thought. This process helped me become confident and assertive, being able to voice what I think rather than hearing other people’s voices crying out for attention.

I found my coping mechanism in those early day. I binge ate and made myself sick. You see, I was in control of that whilst, I was not in control of my feelings of fear, guilt, and shame. You see, I knew deep down that I just didn’t believe in any religion and especially if it caused that much violence and hatred.

Living in our present world, I sometimes wonder if there will ever be a time where everyone can just be who they are without judgement or discrimination. All you and I can do is to keep going, helping wider society understand and find compassion for difference.

I hope this article helps you start to understand what your beliefs are as opposed to what you have been made to believe by others.

I would love to hear your thoughts. My contact details are below.

Email: info@coachingcart.com

Telephone: +44 7860953192

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Annie McKinnon, Senior Level Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine

Annie McKinnon is a life coach, living out her passion and what she believes is her purpose, working with people so that they, too, can live their very best life. Annie's journey to coaching was as a result of the many challenges she faced growing up in Scotland, belonging to the LGBTQ+ community. Life for Annie was restrictive and oppressive. Annie understands the additional challenges the LGBTQ+ community face today and continually uses her voice to drive forward important discussions in areas such as equality, inclusion, belonging progression, and education across society. Coaching, for Annie, is about that moment where her clients have what some call “the lightbulb moment”. In Annie’s experience, it can be far more subtle and come across in a client's smile, tone of voice, or even a movement. The moment her clients recognise their own power, strength and energy that confidently says “I’ve got this, and I know what I need to do to take me where I want to be”