How To Apologize Properly – 3 Steps To Cultivate Or Salvage Any Relationship
Updated: Apr 2, 2023
Written by: Dr. Clinton Bullock, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
We all make mistakes. However, we compound these mistakes by not apologizing correctly. Throughout my personal life and professional career, I have witnessed many relationships become severed, not because of the incident itself necessarily, but due to the way in which the situation was handled. In fact, most situations can be significantly deescalated by simply apologizing correctly and efficiently. For those who wish to apologize in the most effective and powerful of manners, may below serve as a guide to the most efficient way to apologize and increase the probability of keeping your integrity and relationship intact.
Apologize…with a PERIOD: Many people apologize backhandedly. For example, they may state, “I'm sorry, but…” When you apologize, apologize...period. Literally, place a period on the end of your apology. Did not try to deflect. Do not try to shift the blame onto someone else. Do not attempt to manipulate the situation. Do not attempt to gaslight. All of the aforementioned, dysfunctional behaviors give light to someone who lacks emotional maturity and integrity on the whole. When you apologize, it should look as simple as this: “Carla, I greatly apologize for breaking your vase. I'm extremely sorry.”
A disingenuous apology is represented by the following: “Carla, I'm sorry I broke your vase, but it was in the way; and you always leave things in the way. I think you should be more careful with your things next time.” The former expresses a genuine apology, while the latter expresses an insincere one, accompanied by a touch of gaslighting. So, apologize, and place a period on the end of it.
State That It’ll Never Happen Again: The problem with many apologies is that they are empty...empty in the fact that the behavior that prompted the apology occurs over and over again. In fact, in relationships, it is very common that a person may apologize for the same dysfunctional behavior for years, making the apology in and of itself meaningless.
When you apologize, do so with the intention of never repeating the same action again. For example, after apologizing properly, you could say, “I apologize, Carla, for breaking your vase, and I promise to the best of my ability that this won't happen again and that I will be more careful around your belongings.” The latter gives light to a deep level of respect for the person being apologized to and a level of integrity that the apologizer wishes to acquire or maintain.
Make Up for It: Last, it is not enough to simply apologize correctly and state that the dysfunctional act or accident will never occur again. It is essential that apologizers also ask if there is anything that they can do to make the situation better in the moment or in the near future. When being trespassed against, purposefully or accidentally, many people find it comforting that the apologizer would attempt to do something in the moment or in the new future to compensate for the incident. Inquiring about engaging in a way that soothes the pain of the dysfunctional act or accident gives light to a person who is compassionate, remorseful, and sincere.
In the end, apologizing correctly, and in the fashion stated above, illustrates a higher level of communication and cultivates and salvages relationships. At the same time, it is significantly important for apologizers to relieve themselves of ego in an effort to apologize correctly and efficiently, increasing their social standing and emotional intelligence in the process.
Moving Forward
If you find that the relationship with yourself or with others suffers from ineffectual methods of communicating and that your integrity is consistently compromised as a result, contact us for a complimentary coaching call, and we’ll assist you in mastering communication and developing the conflict resolution skills needed to build and/or heal any relationship.
Or, you may pick up your copy of the 5x No. 1 New Release and the 3x Top 10 Bestseller, “The 18 Rules of Engagement to Interpersonal Communication” here.
Dr. Clinton Bullock, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dr. Clinton Bullock is the author of the best-selling book, “The 18 Rules of Engagement to Interpersonal Communication.” He is also the founder of Clinton Bullock Worldwide—a high-performance coaching practice that specializes in assisting professionals, entrepreneurs, and aspiring high achievers in overcoming self-sabotaging and other dysfunctional behaviors, so that they may function at extraordinary levels by living efficiently and creating a life that is professionally successful and personally fulfilled.
