How Do You Feel When You Look In The Mirror?
Written by: Sue Plumtree, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I was talking with a friend the other day about aging and attractiveness. I can’t tell you many, many issues that were brought up in me. I never liked my body, not even when I was young and – believe me when I tell you, I had a really nice body.
Since then, and especially as I’m growing older, I’ve had a mixed relationship with my body.
Interestingly it has nothing to do with aging and everything to do with my scoliosis.
When I first met Dave nearly 7 years ago, when we were both 70, and it soon became clear that we were falling in love, my relationship issues with my body surfaced again.
Then he started telling me how much he loved my body and I’d think, “You’re either blind or stupid!”. To my credit, I never said this out loud.
And then, after quite a while, I made a huge decision,
I decided to believe him. That was a gift of love to him but also to me.
Since then, my scoliosis has worsened and I’ve become more stooped.
But here’s the thing.
I’ve learned a few things about what it is to be attractive – to myself and others.
One thing I realised is that how I perceive my body starts in my mind.
At 77, I’m in complete denial about the fact that objectively speaking, I belong to the old generation, but somehow ‘old’ and ‘Sue Plumtree’ don’t belong in the same sentence.
Studies show that people who look in the mirror and think, “I’m old!”, “I’m ugly!”, “Look at my wrinkles!” “Look at my sagging body!” – are the ones who will age badly.
They are the ones who will give up on life, telling themselves it’s far too late for them.
But where do those beliefs come from?
In the West, we live in a society that values youth. In England, we have an ageing population and a government that sends out mixed messages.
On the one hand, older people are expected to work longer and, on the other, they allow employers to practise ageism.
What a waste of the wealth of experience, knowledge, skills and wisdom we all accumulate with age!
The fashion industry promotes an image of physical beauty that bears no resemblance to reality – to real women and men.
It has been said that Cary Grant once told a reporter, “Not even Cary Grant looks like Cary Grant!”
You might ask yourself, “What’s so great about growing old?”
I’ll tell you about my own experience.
I have loving friends, mostly younger than me – at 77 just about everybody is younger than me!
I’ve had them long before I met Dave, so I’ve felt loved from the moment they entered my life after I turned 60 and had already left my marriage.
In my sixties, I set up my relationship coaching practice – my passion and my mission.
I’ve written 3 books all on Amazon, sharing everything I’ve learned about relationships. That, together with my regular posts are all ways for me to make a difference.
At 77 I signed up for a 3-month coaching program to become the best I can be.
And then there’s Dave, my beloved husband. I hope you noticed that, when we met, I already had a fulfilling life. He just made it immeasurably better.
My ageing appearance and deteriorating scoliosis have not stopped me. I have far too many important things to think about, discover, learn and love to spread and that will continue until the day I die.
So here are some questions you might like to think about.
What does your age mean to you?
What does your appearance really say about you?
Is age and appearance all you really are?
Is that enough for you?
Do you tell yourself it’s too late to change, too late to grow, too late to learn?
If you said yes to even one of these questions, do get in touch with me. I’m happy to offer you a complimentary one-hour coaching session where you can slow down in a safe space and reflect on how you want your life to be.
Email me at sue@sueplumtree.com or call me on ‒ 07903 795027.
You have a couple of decades ahead of you. Don’t waste them!
Sue Plumtree, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Sue’s passion is to enable people to build strong and loving relationships.
Her third book, ‘Open Your Heart: The 7 Secrets Of Strong And Loving Relationships’ is getting 5* reviews on Amazon.
Sue was unhappily married for 37 years when she finally left aged 60.
Over the following 10 years, she built a successful coaching practice working with people over 50, wrote her autobiography, and built solid friendships.
In December 2015 aged 70, she met Dave, her best friend, lover, soulmate, and now her husband.
As a prolific writer and regular blogger, Sue shares her painfully acquired wisdom about what works and doesn’t work in a relationship as well as how it affects our emotional, mental health, and wellbeing.
She also loves writing about how to build strong, loving, and long-lasting relationships both from personal experience as well as research articles and longitudinal studies.
Sue is a personal relationship coach, trainer, facilitator, and published author.
