Like many others I’ve come through a lot of pain, self-inflicted and from others. I used to think that if I was nice and played by “the rules” I would achieve success in all areas of my life. While I have had success in many ways and love in my life, I spent years exhausted, unhealthy, and had mild depression.
I've never been the type to be OK with the status quo or a routine life. I’ve always been drawn to personal growth and development, pushing myself to expand and grow. I learned to stop breaking my own heart. With sheer will and the many brilliant teachers, mentors, my therapist and coaches, I lovingly woke myself up from the illusions and painful patterns I was in. My mission: to help move others into a greater sense of love.
Charmaine Heard, Relationship Coach
Introduce yourself! Please tell us about you and your life, so we can get to know you better.
Hi, my name is Charmaine Heard. Like many others, I’ve worked through a lot of pain — both self-inflicted and created by others. I used to think that if I was nice and played by “the rules,” I would achieve success in all areas of my life. While I have had success in many ways and love in my life, I spent years feeling exhausted, making unhealthy choices, and facing mild depression.
I've never been the type to be okay with the status quo or a routine life. I’ve always been drawn to personal growth and development, pushing myself to expand and grow. Because of that, I learned to stop breaking my own heart. With sheer will and the many brilliant teachers, mentors, therapists and coaches, I lovingly woke myself up from the illusions and painful patterns I was in.
I am now living my life’s purpose as a dual-certified international relationship coach specifically trained in love and relationships. I work with individuals, groups, and organizations on one of my favorite topics — healthy relationships.
Prior to becoming a full-time coach, I spent 16 years serving in leadership roles as a Director of Programs and Vice President of Operations in the real estate industry. Because of those roles, I am passionate about healthy leadership as well. I believe it's vital for leaders to develop healthy interpersonal skills that allow organizations to thrive.
I also facilitate workshops and offer one-on-one and group coaching. I’ve led educational programs in private and public schools, universities, and nonprofit and for-profit organizations in support of creating positive, healthy, and flourishing environments. I’ve also developed and taught curricula on healthy relationships to high school students.
Can you tell us about your background and how you became a dual-certified International Relationship Coach, specifically focusing on love (self and others) and relationships?
The way people relate to each other has always intrigued me. As a young girl, I often found myself watching people and the way that they interacted with each other, observing the way we treat each other and the effects of that treatment. I read their facial expressions and body language. Were they open and at ease with one another or shut down, perhaps out of anger or rejection? I even noticed how it affected me. I would feel calm and at peace when others around me were also that way. When people around me were in an argument or fight, even if it had nothing to do with me, I felt my heart racing in fear or concern. The observation of my own feelings made me want happiness and peace in my life above all because it felt so good to me.
My intrigue around healthy relationships was coupled with wanting to understand and truly experience love. Love seemed elusive to me. I would often wonder if I really knew how to love. I didn’t always feel loved by others. It all mattered to me. I was ashamed about how much it mattered to me, but it mattered just the same. There was an insatiable curiosity about love that I could not shake. I remember telling my late husband that it was something I woke up thinking about and went to bed thinking about as well. I never set out for this to be a career for me, mostly because I didn’t think it was possible. I played it safe by choosing a more stable career path.
It all changed for me during a class session at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition (IIN). The instructor said there are primary foods and secondary foods. He explained that secondary foods are what you put on your plate, while our primary foods are things like healthy relationships, regular physical activity, a fulfilling career, and some sort of spiritual practice. I felt like I had hit my first big aha moment. That day changed everything for me. While everyone else went into some form of the nutritional food aspect of coaching once we graduated, I honed in on healthy relationships and love. I believed that being in healthy loving relationships would be so healing to my life and the lives of those around me.
I spent years reading and studying what thought leaders in the field had to say. What I realized very early on was that romance seems to have the corner market on love. So, I tried that route first because it seemed easier, but it wasn’t. My inner wisdom kept leading me to explore the idea of self-love. And off I went on the beautiful, ugly, scary journey. I faced hardship and pain, but it has been the most rewarding journey of my life.
Who is the target audience for your business?
My target audience are those who would like to build a healthier relationship with themselves and others in their lives, and those seeking inner peace. Some of my clients want to experience true self-love. Other clients are couples who need support getting through a tough spot. I also support couples who are ending relationships and want to end it well with civility and less acrimony. I also have the pleasure of supporting organizations that need help creating a healthier environment for their staff members or students. It’s really all about relationships. The nuance of it is fascinating.
You mention that you have some powerful tools for individuals to come into alignment with their true selves. Could you share one of these tools and how it contributes to personal growth?
I will give you one of the most powerful tools, which is self-awareness. It may sound basic and simple, but it’s not. Becoming aware of who we are and what’s going on with us changes everything.
Awareness requires us to pay attention to what we’re doing and what’s happening inside of us. Two things we can all start practicing is to create time with ourselves and practicing mindfulness. Making space to connect with yourself gives us a chance to understand what’s happening inside of us. Our inner world is what creates what’s happening in our outer world.
From a broader perspective, it seems most of us are sleepwalking through our day. We are on autopilot. There’s not much curiosity or wonder about ourselves for a deeper context. We live on a surface exterior. Awareness not only allows us to deepen our relationship with ourselves but those around us. Once we begin to practice awareness, it can lead us to freedom.
One of my dear clients came to me broken. She had been trying too hard to love someone who just didn’t show up for her the way she needed no matter how hard she tried. No matter how much she made his life easier, he just didn’t reciprocate. Trying over and over for more than a decade to prove that she was enough, she was exhausted. After being faced with and overcoming cancer, she was ready for a change. We began working together. We started with practicing awareness. We began to peel back what her beliefs and patterns were. She started to see what was motivating her to deal with an abusive situation. Within a year, she was a changed woman. She has been able to shift patterns of behavior that were damaging her and her self-worth. She was brave enough to make healthy relationship decisions that honored her. She often tells me in awe that she is in the happiest, healthiest place she’s ever been in her life. Her ability to be mindful and present to what’s going on in her life and relationships with others literally changed her life.
What has inspired your work?
Ever since I was a child, I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. Broken relationships, fights, wars — all deeply affect my well-being. I wanted to save the world. I wanted to live in peace and harmony. I now know I have to save myself first. That’s how it’s done. It starts with me. I’m changing the world by changing me. I am also inspired by the people I get to love in my life. I view them as gifts. Last, but certainly not least, I’m inspired to leave the world a bit better off for generations after me.
What thoughts would you like to leave us with?
Several studies have shown that we can live happier, longer lives with positive relationships around us, including lowering the rates of anxiety and depression. Relationships are everything. How we relate to ourselves and each other matters more than anything else in this world we live in. Observe the world around you, and pay attention to how we relate to each other. Now pay attention to how you relate to yourself. Are there ways in which you would like to expand in love? Would you like to develop deeper, more meaningful relationships with the people in your life? What if we all grew our skills and capabilities to develop healthier relationships? Could that be the key to happier, healthier living? I believe it is.
My hope is that we all give ourselves a chance to move in the direction of healthy love for ourselves, and everyone we come in contact with. May there be increased peace and lots of love on earth.
Visit my website for more info!
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