From Regret To Resilience
Written by: Sallie Wagner, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Do you have regret in your life? Are you ready to move on from all the second guessing? From all the “if only?”
Bonnie Ware worked for many years with people who were dying. Based on that work, she compiled a list of the top 5 regrets that people express at the end of their lives.
The most common regret that people express is:
I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
As people looked back over their lives, with the clarity that comes from facing their own mortality, they saw that they had not lived out their dreams. And they understood that it was due to their own choices.
Many of us experience regrets throughout our lives ‒ not only at the end of our lives.
According to Kathy Caprino, one of the top five regrets expressed by mid-career professionals around the world is:
I wish I hadn’t listened to other people about what I should study and pursue.
That sounds remarkably like the top regret of people at the end of life.
Clearly, it's not only people who are dying ‒ people who are NOT LIVING also experience the same type of regret.
Fortunately, we don't need to wait until the end of life to start living it!
Many people have experienced the phenomenon of Post Traumatic Growth (PTG) ‒ rather than being stuck in the trauma of particular life events, they are propelled into personal growth and understandings that, significantly, mirror the top 5 regrets of the dying, only in a positive way.
So, rather than regretting that they lived the life that was expected of them, they have a newfound sense of meaning and purpose. They're able to focus on their own goals and dreams, rather than living out the dreams and goals of others.
And, again, fortunately, we don't need to wait until we experience traumatic events to experience this awakening.
We can experience the phenomenon of Post-Ecstatic Growth – by undertaking an extreme challenge in our lives...
Like running a marathon, writing a book, starting a business, changing a habit, embarking on a spiritual journey.
So instead of waiting for life to smack you on the head with trauma, you make a preemptive strike by choosing your own challenge – you intentionally take on a meaningful project or mission that challenges you and creates significant stress (in a good way).
We can further harness the benefits of personal growth through building resilience in four (4) areas of life ‒ physical, emotional, mental, and social.
Physical resilience is the body’s ability to face physical challenges, maintain stamina, withstand stress, and heal itself when it's damaged or harmed in some way.
A couple of ways to build physical resilience include engaging in physical activity and addressing nutritional needs.
Emotional resilience is related to emotional intelligence and awareness, acceptance, optimism. It’s the ability to call upon your positive emotions on demand.
We build and strengthen emotional resilience through self-discovery, creative expression, mindfulness, and other similar practices.
Mental resilience is the ability to think flexibly, consider alternatives, develop systems and structures with action steps to reach a goal, understand different perspectives.
We build mental resilience by engaging in novel activities, such as working puzzles, playing games, finding new hobbies, learning new languages, reading new books.
Sometimes, this can be challenging for those who are perfectionists. They may be reluctant to try new things because they know they’re not going to be good at them. Allow yourself the grace to be bad at something new. That’s the only way you’ll get good at it!
Social resilience includes the ability to get support from friends and family. It comes by connecting with others in social situations, such as networking and engaging in community activities.
As we develop resilience in those areas, we live out the learnings of Post-Traumatic Growth and Post-Ecstatic Growth.
And we can actually live longer!
A longer life in years, and richer life in quality!
So, where are you on your journey through life?
Are you living with regret?
Or are you building resilience?
It's your choice.
Sallie Wagner, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Sallie Wagner – speaker, author, lawyer, real estate broker, What’s Next Strategist, and Life Alchemist! Sallie employs Emotional Freedom Techniques, evolved Neurolinguistic Programming, and trauma-aware modalities, so clients launch into action for rapid, concrete results, as they ditch unwanted habits, behaviors, fears, phobias, limiting beliefs and decisions.
Sallie spent the majority of her law career in the corporate world. In addition to her other business initiatives, she currently provides broker and contract compliance services to real estate brokerages throughout Florida. She also owns and operates a real estate school.
