From Recognition to Action – What Prevention, Protection, and Accountability Require
- Apr 13
- 7 min read
Updated: Apr 23
Written by Zsuzsánna Boni, Life & Relationship Coach
Zsuzsánna Boni is a coach, psychologist, and adult learning specialist. She empowers individuals and couples to lead a conscious life, own their confidence and clarity, and build the life they truly love, one rooted in awareness, growth, and self-leadership.
In the first part of this series, I explored how femicide often develops through patterns of coercive control, entrapment, and escalating danger rather than appearing out of nowhere. This second part turns to the next urgent question, once we recognize the pattern, what do we do with that knowledge, and what kind of response can actually increase safety?
What can help before violence turns lethal
Understanding the process matters, but recognition alone is not enough. If femicide often develops through patterns, then the urgent question becomes, what can individuals, loved ones, professionals, and communities do early enough to reduce danger?
Spot the pattern, not just the incident
People often wait for a dramatic event before taking danger seriously, whether it’s about their own life or someone close to them. If we keep asking, “Was this incident bad enough?” we are enabling a pattern to form, a pattern that can often be spotted early on if people know what to look for. The recurring dynamic of coercive control, induced or even self-inflicted isolation, stalking, or threats can be a very good indicator of a dangerous situation. The constant escalation of jealousy disguised as love, the monitoring, the woman’s fear-based adaptation to the aggressor’s behavior, and the abuse worsening around separation are all leading the way to femicide.
Take non-physical abuse seriously
This is crucial because many people still think danger begins only with severe physical assault, but coercive control is not “less serious” because it is non-physical. Stalking, intimidation, threats, humiliation, and surveillance are no less volatile than actual physical abuse. The relationship may be highly threatening even long before visible injury. The absence of bruises does not mean the absence of serious harm.
Respond in ways that increase safety, not pressure
This is how someone who is a friend, family member, or even a professional can really help the survivor before she becomes a victim. First and foremost, keep your eyes open to spot the pattern. Listen without blame or judgment. Sometimes, women are afraid to share their concerns, worrying that they will get dismissed, blamed, or labeled as “paranoid.” Avoid saying “just leave,” as that can trigger the aggressor’s behavior to escalate without proper safety planning. Believe the woman when she says she does not feel secure, and ask what feels safest right now. Help document patterns if appropriate, connect her with specialist domestic violence services, and understand that leaving may increase danger. Avoid confronting the perpetrator in ways that could escalate risk unless you have taken the needed measures to improve safety. Support should reduce isolation and increase options, not increase pressure or shame.
What to do when the risk is escalating
If threats are becoming more explicit, stalking has started, separation is underway, or the abusive person is becoming more controlling, the priority is no longer to explain, negotiate, or hope that things will calm down on their own. The priority is safety. That does not mean there is one perfect response for every woman or every situation.
Take your fear seriously. If something in you says the situation is becoming more dangerous, do not dismiss that instinct. Fear, hypervigilance, and the sense that “something is changing” may be important information, not overreaction. Do not announce every plan in advance. If you are thinking about leaving, changing routines, seeking help, or taking legal steps, it may be safer not to reveal everything too early. Tell at least one safe person what is happening. Isolation increases danger. If possible, tell one trusted person what has been happening and what worries you most. Be specific. Ask that person to stay in contact, help you think clearly, and respond quickly if needed. Document what is happening. If you can do this without increasing danger, keep records of threats, stalking, harassment, injuries, property damage, unwanted messages, breaches of boundaries, or other incidents. Documentation may help later with protection. Reduce predictability where possible. If stalking or threats are present, predictable routines can create vulnerability. Review privacy settings, location sharing, passwords, and device access.
Prepare for urgent moments. If you believe violence could become imminent, think in advance about where you could go, who you could call, what essentials you would need, and how to leave quickly if necessary. Make sure to have a safety plan. Get support that understands coercive abuse. Not all help is equally informed. If possible, reach out to a domestic violence service, women’s support organization, crisis line, shelter, advocate, or trauma-informed professional who understands coercive control and separation-related danger. If there are direct threats, stalking, strangulation, or weapon access, treat it as great danger. These are not signs to “wait and see.” They are high-risk indicators in femicide research. In those moments, urgent action may include contacting emergency services, seeking immediate shelter, alerting trusted people, and avoiding being alone with the perpetrator if at all possible.
There is no single perfectly safe response, and none of these steps guarantees protection. Responsibility always lies with the aggressor. But when danger is escalating, practical safety planning and informed support can reduce isolation, increase options, and help women respond earlier to serious risk.
Justice, accountability, and institutional responsibility
If we understand the pattern, the next question is whether our institutions and laws understand it too. And this is where the legal question becomes unavoidable, do our laws merely punish the final act, or do they truly recognize the gendered pattern behind it?
Legally, femicide remains unevenly recognized across jurisdictions. In many countries, the killing of a woman is still prosecuted under ordinary homicide law, while the gender-based nature of the crime is addressed only indirectly through domestic violence, stalking, coercive control, or victim-protection measures. This matters because naming shapes visibility, it affects not only punishment, but also data collection, risk assessment, prevention policy, and public understanding.
In Europe, the Istanbul Convention and the EU Directive 2024/1385 on combating violence against women and domestic violence provide important frameworks for prevention, protection, and prosecution, even though they do not create one EU-wide, standalone offence called femicide. Hungary still appears to prosecute such killings under general homicide law rather than a distinct femicide offence, a gap also reflected in EIGE’s Hungary country profile. Romania, however, appears to have recently adopted legislation that would define and punish femicide specifically, marking a significant shift from the earlier practice of prosecuting such killings only under general homicide law. In the United States, there is still no official national crime category of femicide, killings are prosecuted under homicide law, while public-health and legal scholars continue to argue for clearer codification and surveillance.
Beyond the final act
If we want to take women’s safety seriously, we have to stop looking only at the final act, start paying attention much earlier, and not minimize, misunderstand, or ignore the pattern.
If you are in immediate danger, being threatened, stalked, controlled, or afraid for your safety, please contact local emergency services, a domestic violence organization, or a specialist support service in your area. Crises require protection, safety planning, and expert intervention.
My own work sits earlier in the relationship landscape. I help people build healthier relationships through self-trust, boundaries, communication, and greater awareness of harmful dynamics before they become deeply entrenched. That is not the same as domestic violence intervention, but it is part of the wider work of helping people recognize what is healthy, what is not, and what they do not have to normalize in the name of love.
If this article has raised questions for you about boundaries, self-worth, communication, or recurring unhealthy relationship patterns, that is an area where coaching may be helpful and something I care deeply about. We may not prevent every tragedy, but we can become better at recognizing danger, naming what is unhealthy, and refusing to romanticize control.
Read more from Zsuzsánna Boni
Zsuzsánna Boni, Life & Relationship Coach
Zsuzsánna Boni is a coach, psychologist, and adult learning specialist helping individuals and couples transform the way they live, love, and connect. Having turned her own challenges and setbacks into growth and purpose, she brings depth and authenticity to her work. Blending a science-based perspective with consciousness and a can-do attitude, she guides people to turn awareness into action and growth into lasting change. Her mission is to empower others to own their confidence, cultivate healthy relationships, and shape a life aligned with their values. She believes that transformation begins with self-leadership, to build the life you love and love the life you build.
References:
ANSA. (2026, March 26). Romania passes a law that punishes femicide with life in prison.
European Institute for Gender Equality. (n.d.). Hungary: Gender-based violence.
European Institute for Gender Equality. (n.d.). Romania: Gender-based violence.
Romanian Chamber of Deputies. (n.d.). Legislative file regarding femicide law proposal.
UN Women. (n.d.). Five essential facts to know about femicide.
