Written by: Dr. Ann Moir-Bussy, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
In the last two years of this Covid pandemic, there is a constant message in social media – “Let's get back to NORMAL”. Have you ever stopped to think what that might mean?
Normal is defined as average, median, typical, what is expected, regularity and conforming to a standard. Isn’t this what sheep do? Indistinguishable! And if they step out, they are herded back into the group.
The demand for normalcy is so strong, that when a woman reaches that beautiful transition of menopause in mid-life, she is encouraged to keep things “normal”. In other words, the expectation is to find a way to stop growing, to stop ageing, to hide her changing body and of course, to not talk about it, and to deny or want to get rid of the uncomfortable aspects of changing hormones.
Do pregnant women hide their pregnancy or pretend to be ‘normal’? A woman about to give birth glows with a radiance that announces anything but normal for she is bringing forth new life.
We need to find some new ways of challenging normalcy, particularly in mid-life and to break free.
Not a Sickness but a Crisis of growth
Menopause is not a sickness – it is a crisis of growth. Every crisis carries with it a dilemma. The term, ‘mid-life crisis’ was coined some years ago, but the crisis is not about what is happening to the physical changes in the body, or to the out of sync hormones. The crisis is about what a woman (and those around her) will do with this transition and these changes. Will she (or they) want to be normal again, want to go back to normality.
What is the purpose of trying to restore the former order ... the former way of being?
To go back to normalcy is to stifle the creative spirit that is wanting to emerge. It is like dragging the butterfly out of its cocoon before its wings are formed. Or forcing the emerging butterfly to remain as a caterpillar.
Every transition is a challenge to grow. And we know that all growth requires us to stop using force, to stop fighting against what is happening. Rather, we need to be aware of the dilemma, and to fight for growth – not with force, but with strength and passion to discover what is emerging within us.
As Alfred D’Souza, Archbishop of Agra in India, once said
For a long time, it had seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gone through first, some unfinished business... Then life would begin. At last, it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.
All around us we see that everything on the face of the earth is being transformed, evolving, because the Earth has a soul, as Paulo Cohello noted. And like the ever-changing seasons, we too are on a journey of becoming, for mid-life is about our journey of becoming. Our journey doesn’t start after menopause is over. It is one of the seasons of our life.
Simple Ways to live in the NOW and embrace growth
1. Be mindful of your thinking
On the 22nd January Thich Nhat Hahn, Vietnamese monk, Zen Master and political reformer passed from this life. He taught peace and love to all and that mindfulness is the key to being fully part of your own becoming, Instead, stop fighting against what is uncomfortable, and as he says Breathe INTO it, and as you breathe out, be fully aware of the experience and be grateful. If only women could breathe into the hot flushes, the discomfort of menopause and as with the pains of childbirth, be grateful for the new life that is emerging within her as she prepares to enter the afternoon of life.
If we as women become aware of how our mind, our thinking tries to hold us back from growth and push us back to being normal and stuck, then we can become more mindful and grateful for the changes happening within us. This is indeed a powerful force for change and growth in our world where the is so much force, and hatred wanting to control and take possession of other people’s actions.
2. Tap into the beautiful POWERFUL ENERGY within you
You were born gifted and with a powerful energy within you. Unfortunately, we are usually not taught this because most adults are spending their time trying to fit us into the normal. We grow up learning to conform and our creativity and uniqueness is often smothered. Mid-life is the perfect opportunity to slow down and reflect on who we really are and why we are here. Use the map that includes body and spirit, physical and mental and spiritual and emotional. All aspects must be included in our growth and becoming.
3. Remember the map
Care for Body – take the rest needed, rather than try to push on. Search for the many natural ways to deal with those hormones and hot flushes, and I’m happy to put you in touch with many of these.
Care for SPIRIT – as with mindfulness we talked of above.
Physical – Love your changing body, and every curve and wrinkle. The poet Yeats once wrote:
An aged man is but a paltry thing
A tattered cloak upon a stick, unless
Soul clap its hands and sing, and louder sing
For every tatter in its mortal flesh
I wonder how different the approach through menopause would be if we could sing about the emerging butterfly and the emerging wise woman? Singing comes from the soul.
It’s not easy to sing during painful times – that would be somewhat unrealistic. Being aware of the changes and breathing into them and accepting them and being grateful for them does make a difference. As women, we can support each other in this.
We can also become aware of our Mental activity. Our thoughts guide how we respond to experiences. What story are we telling ourselves about this experience of mid-life. Which thoughts predominate our approach to what is happening and are they fuelled by the non-acceptance of menopause and aging that is abounding around us. Workplaces, both men and women need to be aware of what this transition means and support women through it, rather than expect things to be normal!
Emotions tend to be all over the place at this time because of the changing hormones, and often the changing environment around us. Maybe a sense of loss, of grief, of restlessness. Again, we need to be AWARE and mindful of these emotions and let them come and go like the tides while we maintain a stillness at the Centre.
And this is indeed about listening to our SOUL
It’s about shifting our perspective, embracing this rite of passage and going with the ultimate initiation into the second half of our life. It is a time when as Angeles Arrien (2005) says, a miracle happens, and we are strengthened and softened and are able to return to our soul’s highest values.
These are the choices we can make at mid-life, the choice to grow and become who we really are, or the choice to remain normal and stagnate. As women, we need to be willing to do the personal work that is necessary to break free from conformity and to awaken the consciousness of all women to the beauty and energy and power that lies within them and that will become a legacy for the world.
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things FLOW naturally forward in whatever way they like” –Lao Tzu
Dr. Ann Moir-Bussy, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
The rich life experience of Dr. Ann Moir-Bussy spans decades of missionary work, teaching, counseling, transformative life coaching, consulting, and becoming a best-selling author.
She worked in schools across Australia and, in particular, in Indigenous schools in the Northern Territory and also trained Chinese students in Hong Kong in counseling and psychology. The founder and editor of the Asia Pacific Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy, Ann, became an editor of the Australian Counselling Research Journal and editor of the Australian Journal of Clinical Hypnotherapy and Hypnosis.
During a life of transitions and transformations to now conscious aging, Ann now brings her dedication and zest to guide women, in particular, to discover renewed clarity, purpose, and direction as they embrace their powerful feminine wisdom and intuition in their afternoon of life. Through her programs, podcasts, coaching, and writing, Ann enables women to develop a strong spiritual leadership that brings transformation in their life, work, and world.
