From Emotions to Evidence and How to Separate Feelings from Reality
- Brainz Magazine
- Sep 16
- 6 min read
Updated: Sep 17
James Marlin is a professional questioner, storyteller, dad, and husband with a passion for investigating. He works to distill complex findings into actionable and relatable information through his written articles and keynote talks. Having battled and overcome addiction, James firmly believes in the power of change.
Feelings are real, but they are not facts. This article shows how emotional reasoning, social media, and bias distort judgment, and gives simple evidence-based tools to separate feelings from facts so you can think clearly, make better decisions, and protect relationships.
“You don’t ever let me do anything!”
If you’ve ever parented a teenager, you’ve probably heard this line. Maybe it was shouted, maybe it was muttered under their breath as a bedroom door slammed. My son once dropped this gem on me after I told him “no” to one of his requests. In that moment, he wasn’t just reacting to this single “no.” In his mind, every single time I’d ever said “yes” had been erased. His feelings were screaming so loudly that they seemingly rewrote reality.
And honestly? He’s not the only one who does this. We all do.
In a world overflowing with too much information, along with plenty of misinformation, the ability to separate feelings from facts has never been more important. When we don’t, the results aren’t just awkward family dinners. They’re broken relationships, bad decisions, fractured communities, and, in some cases, entire societies tearing themselves apart.
So, what exactly are feelings? What exactly are facts? Why do we mix them up? And, most importantly, how do we stop confusing one for the other?
What are we actually talking about?
Facts are the things that can be verified, measured, or confirmed. They exist whether or not you believe in them. If it’s raining outside, that’s a fact. You can look out the window and see it, or walk outside and get drenched. No amount of wishful thinking is going to change it.
Feelings, on the other hand, are your internal experience. They’re the joy you feel when that rain comes during a drought, or the dread you feel when it pours during a flood. They’re deeply real to you, but they’re not universal. They don’t exist “out there,” they exist “in here.”
Here’s the trap. We often treat feelings like facts. “I feel ignored, so you must be ignoring me.” “I feel unsafe, so this must be dangerous.” “I feel certain, so I must be right.” Sound familiar?
That, my friends, is what psychologists call emotional reasoning. The “I feel it, therefore it must be true” style of thinking. It’s a short mental leap, but one that leads us straight into a distorted reality.
The slippery slope of emotional reasoning
The scary thing is, our brains actually prefer it this way. Research by Martel et al. (2020) shows that when emotions are strong, such as fear, anger, and outrage, we’re more likely to classify whatever triggered them as “real.” That’s why fake news stories loaded with emotional language spread like wildfire online. It’s not because the stories are true. It’s because they feel true.
Think about it. Have you ever been certain you left your keys on the counter, only to find them in your jacket pocket? Or absolutely convinced that someone didn’t like you, only to discover later they were just stressed? That sense of certainty comes from the same brain mechanism that powers emotional reasoning.
The problem is, certainty doesn’t equal truth. Certainty just means your brain has decided to stop asking questions.
The fallout: What happens when we confuse feelings with facts
When feelings masquerade as facts, the results aren’t pretty.
Relationships break down. “If I feel hurt, you must have meant to hurt me.” That assumption shuts down empathy and ramps up defensiveness.
Belief systems get skewed. We build entire worldviews around what feels right, and then emotionally defend those views instead of logically testing them. And similar to a bunch of Mandolorians, all we can say is, “This is the way.”
Trust erodes. Across politics, religion, and culture, people retreat into echo chambers. “My feelings are facts, so yours must be lies.” Goodbye, discussion.
Decisions suffer. Choices made on gut reactions alone, without pausing to check evidence, can lead us straight into disaster.
Zoom out, and the societal consequences are even worse, viral misinformation, political polarization, “alternative facts,” and a country that feels more like the Divided States of America.
Why this keeps getting worse
Let’s be blunt, social media is gasoline on this fire.
Algorithms are designed to amplify what gets clicks. What gets clicks? Outrage, fear, and self-righteousness. In other words, feelings. Emotional posts spread faster than factual ones, which means your newsfeed often looks less like reality and more like a hall of mirrors reflecting your strongest emotions back at you.
It’s no wonder political identities have hardened into battle lines. When your “facts” are chosen based on how well they confirm your feelings, anyone who challenges them feels like an enemy.
So what do we do?
The good news is, we’re not helpless. Separating feelings from facts is a skill, and like any skill, it can be practiced and strengthened.
Here are some strategies you can start using today:
Pause before reacting. It sounds simple, but taking a breath before responding gives your brain time to catch up to your emotions. Your first reaction is rarely your clearest.
Name your emotions. Grab a feelings wheel if you need to. Saying, “I feel anxious” is very different from saying, “This is going to be a disaster.” One is a feeling. The other is an assumption dressed as fact.
Check the evidence. Ask yourself, “What do I know for sure? What am I assuming?” If it can’t be verified, it belongs in the feelings column, not the facts one.
Challenge your thoughts. Notice when you’re catastrophizing (“This always happens!”), personalizing (“They’re out to get me!”), or going all-or-nothing (“If I’m not perfect, I’m a failure”). Ask, “What’s another way to see this?”
Seek outside perspectives. Talk to someone who doesn’t share your bubble. A friend, mentor, therapist, or even just someone you trust to tell you the truth, not what you want to hear.
Practice emotional intelligence. Can you validate your emotions without turning them into gospel truth? Can you empathize with someone else’s emotions without needing to adopt their conclusions?
Stay curious. Instead of leaping to “I’m right, they’re wrong,” ask, “Why do they feel that way? What if I’m wrong? What if they’re right about something I’ve missed?” Curiosity opens doors that judgment slams shut.
Make decisions with facts first. Emotions matter. They tell you what’s important to you. But don’t let them run the whole show. Anchor decisions in verifiable facts and then weigh your emotions in light of them.
A final word: Both matter but not equally
Don’t get me wrong, feelings are important. They’re signals from your inner world. They tell you what matters to you, warn you of danger, and add to the richness of life. Without feelings, frankly, life would suck.
But feelings are not reliable narrators of external reality. They’re temporary, they shift, and they can mislead. Facts, on the other hand, are stubborn. And just like your ex, they don’t change just because you want them to.
The challenge is learning to honor both, to acknowledge our feelings without letting them rewrite the facts.
So here’s the invitation, next time you’re in a heated conversation, whether with your teenager, your spouse, or your political opposite, try asking yourself, “Am I reacting to facts, or just to feelings that feel like facts?”
It’s not about denying emotions. It’s about respecting them for what they are, powerful, real, and personal, without giving them veto power over truth.
If we can start practicing that distinction, in our homes, in our politics, and in our communities, maybe, just maybe, we can start living up to the name United States again.
Read more from James Marlin
James Marlin, Investigator, Journalist & Keynote Speaker
James Marlin is a professional questioner, storyteller, dad, and husband with a passion for investigating. He works to distill complex findings into actionable and relatable information through his written articles and keynote talks. Having battled and overcome addiction, James firmly believes in the power of change. In the last five years, James has dedicated himself to investigating our beliefs, emotions, the conscious and subconscious minds, addiction, ADHD, mental illness, and the impact of technology on society. James is enrolled in a modern journalism course with NYU in partnership with Rolling Stone Magazine. Alongside his studies, he works as an investigator in the City of New York.
