Feeling Distant? – The Simple Practices That Restore Feelings Of Love, Connection And Trust
- Dec 2, 2024
- 4 min read
Written by Jane Parker, Relationship Coach
Jane Parker is a Certified Strategic Intervention Advanced Relationship Coach and she works with couples and individuals to guide and empower them to create positive changes in their marriage or relationship.
Every relationship thrives or falters based on how well partners communicate. At the heart of meaningful communication lies two often-overlooked practices: acknowledgement and validation. These are the acts of recognising your partner's feelings, experiences, or perspectives as real and important, even if you don’t necessarily agree with them. It’s about showing that their thoughts and emotions matter, creating a foundation for trust, connection, and understanding.
As a relationship coach, I’ve seen firsthand how a lack of acknowledgement and validation can erode even the most loving connections. Instead of truly listening, partners often get caught up in defensiveness, focusing on proving their point or preparing their rebuttal. Over time, this pattern builds a wall between them, making real connection and communication feel almost impossible.
The consequences of not feeling heard
When a partner consistently feels unheard or invalidated, the impact is profound. They may begin to feel:
Insignificant: One of our fundamental human needs is to feel valued. Without acknowledgement, a person can feel overlooked and unimportant, which chips away at their self-worth.
Uncertain: Relationships thrive on a sense of stability. When a partner doesn’t feel heard, they may question whether their partner truly “has their back.”
Disconnected: Lack of validation creates emotional distance. Couples can grow so far apart emotionally that they stop confiding in one another, knowing their words won’t land.
Unloved: When partners feel consistently ignored or dismissed, they may begin to doubt their place in the relationship and whether they are genuinely cared for.
Over time, these feelings create a downward spiral. Partners turn away from each other rather than toward, increasing emotional and physical distance. The relationship becomes a space of loneliness instead of love and safety.
The transformative power of validation
Conversely, consistent acknowledgement and validation can transform a relationship. When a partner feels truly heard and understood, it builds a foundation of trust, deepens emotional intimacy, and reinforces love. It’s no exaggeration to say that these practices are the glue that binds couples together.
Validation is more than agreeing with your partner—it’s about showing that their thoughts, feelings, and experiences matter to you. This doesn’t mean sacrificing your perspective but setting it aside momentarily to fully understand theirs.
What does validation look like?
Here are some essential ways to acknowledge and validate your partner:
Empathise: Place yourself in their shoes. How would you feel if you were experiencing what they’re describing? Empathy bridges gaps in understanding and shows your partner you care.
Active listening: Reflect back what they’ve said to confirm your understanding. For instance: “If I understand you correctly, you’re feeling overwhelmed because.”
Ask questions: Seek clarity by asking open-ended questions. This not only helps you understand their perspective but also encourages them to open up further.
Use body language: Non-verbal cues like eye contact, nodding, and leaning in signal that your partner has your full attention.
Offer comfort: When appropriate, provide reassurance through words or actions. A simple “I’m here for you” can make a world of difference.
Pause your opinion: Resist the urge to “fix” the problem immediately, disagree, or give your opinion. Sometimes, your partner just needs to be heard, not advised. Of course, your opinion is important also, but it is important to validate or seek to understand your partner first. This may change your perspective or create the understanding you need to see it from their point of view.
By practising these techniques, you create a safe space for your partner to express themselves without fear of judgment or dismissal.
Becoming a team
For acknowledgement and validation to truly transform a relationship, it must be a mutual effort. Both partners need to commit to being there for one another emotionally. This requires:
Curiosity: Genuinely wanting to understand your partner’s inner world.
Patience: Setting aside your own perspective temporarily to fully engage with theirs.
Consistency: Making validation a habit rather than a one-time effort.
When couples approach conversations as teammates rather than adversaries, they foster a deeper connection. Being a team doesn’t mean always agreeing—it means prioritizing the relationship above the need to be “right.”
Breaking the cycle of disconnection
If you’re reading this and realizing you’ve fallen into a pattern of defensiveness or dismissal, take heart: change is possible. Here’s how to start:
Reflect on your role: Ask yourself, Am I showing up for my partner in the way they need?
Practice mindfulness: Pay attention to your responses during conversations. Are you truly listening or merely waiting for your turn to speak?
Apologize and commit: If you’ve fallen short in the past, acknowledge it. A heartfelt apology followed by consistent effort can mend even deep wounds.
The upside of validation
When partners consistently acknowledge and validate each other, the rewards are immense:
Deepened trust: Knowing your partner values your thoughts and feelings creates a sense of safety.
Stronger connection: Validation fosters emotional intimacy, making both partners feel more connected.
Increased certainty: Feeling heard reinforces the belief that your partner is there for you, no matter what.
Lasting love: Couples who validate one another build a resilient bond that can withstand challenges.
A final thought
Acknowledgment and validation are not optional in a thriving relationship—they are essential. Without them, couples drift apart. With them, love and connection flourish.
As you reflect on your own relationship, consider this: How often do you truly listen to your partner? Do they feel heard, understood, and valued?
If the answer is “not often enough,” it’s time to take action. Begin with small changes—listen with intention, empathize with their feelings, and validate their perspective. Over time, these practices will not only strengthen your relationship but also remind both you and your partner why you chose each other in the first place.
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Jane Parker, Relationship Coach
Jane Parker is a Certified Strategic Intervention Advanced Relationship Coach and she works with couples and individuals to guide and empower them to create positive changes in their marriage or relationship.
Her strategies help couples in crisis who may be considering separation or see no other alternative than divorce.
Jane's work helps couples to see the value in their relationship and each other, allowing them to
build upon the foundations of their connection to intentionally create the relationship they desire.
She inspires couples and gives them the tools and skills to create more understanding, connection, and trust within their relationship.
