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Fear Is Your Friend

Written by: Kaye Doran, Executive Contributor

Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.


Whenever you have an aspiration to change any given area of your life, you will eventually be greeted by your friend fear.

Everything within you has the right to be heard. All too often, feelings such as fear are labeled as negative. The only thing negative about our feelings is the constant denial and suppression of them. The more you attempt to suppress, the more it will rise within you with the need to be heard, just like a tantrum-throwing child.

When you aspire to change, it means that you will have to let go and grow. Let go of what you might ask? Well, habits and excuses that hold you back that are driven by false stories and beliefs that bleed into your subconscious and distort your perception of yourself, the world around you, and your experiences.

You may start strong and set things into motion towards that change you seek, or you may feel frozen immediately. It all depends on how big the change feels compared to your current comfort zone. Let us also be clear that some comfort zones feel comfortable, or should I say familiar, yet if you have that inner calling to change something, it is generally because you are not feeling so comfortable with where you are. Hence the aspiration for change.

Imagine for a moment that you have two elastic bands around your waist. One band is connected to your past and present; the second band is connected to your present and your future. As you take action, moving away from your past and towards your desired future, the old elastic band will begin to feel very tight and uncomfortable, attempting to pull you back. Most people, until they understand the process of change, are not yet comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. The moment of change is when you feel this pressure. Accompanying this is fear.

Fear is the very thing that, if not understood, freezes you in your tracks and into nonaction. Here is where the excuses come in, “I don’t have time, I don’t know enough, I don’t have the money, I can’t afford to, I don’t have what it takes, I will do it when…” The list goes on. Sound familiar? The elastic band pulling you back. False stories and beliefs that feel very real yet are non-truths dragging you back. Then the overshadowing takes the place of feeling like a failure and a victim to your life.

I call this being in the passenger seat of your life. If you are constantly living with your excuses, living as the victim to circumstance, you may very well be in the backseat.

When you understand what is happening and why it is happening, you can change your perception. Then the fear that rises and whispers to you becomes a friend, and it is telling you that you are heading in the right direction. However, you are going to have to let go of your current comfort zone and limiting beliefs that have previously held you back, change and grow. It is a signpost saying, ‘this way to the change you seek.’ Be prepared to feel a little uncomfortable for a time before the road smooths out.

Place your new friend fear into the passenger seat and take charge by being in the drivers’ seat of your life and destination. You are an action taker.

Now you need to start to calm that voice of fear by going eyeball to eyeball with it and giving it a chance to be heard. This starts to quieten the voice of fear. If you don’t, you will eventually find yourself back in the passenger seat and fear in the drivers’ seat, directing you back to where you came from.

This concept appears simple. Just as writing an email seems simple, you type it, and press send within moments the recipient has received it. Simple right? Yet what is happening in the background is way more complex than what appears on the surface.

How to face your fear

  • Write down this heading. These are my fears, and they are not my truth

  • Now write down your fears, all your fears, exactly how you feel them

  • Write underneath your fears. These were my fears, and they are no longer my truth

  • Now write down the opposite of your fears. The successful outcomes.

  • Finish by writing. These are my Truth.

Another powerful way to do this process is by saying them to someone

  • Direct the person to sit opposite you

  • Speak the above process while looking them in the eyes

The rule here is the listener must not respond to you or try to fix and give solutions or reassure you in any way. They are merely there as a way of you facing your fears and allowing them to be heard. Lessening their hold on you.

Something very powerful that we all have is the power of choice.

People that create successful change within their lives, whether that be losing weight, getting fit, starting a business, writing a book, or changing jobs, all have one thing in common. They choose to move through the uncomfortable. To see loss as an opportunity, to take what feels like a risk, to put their excuses in the passenger seat, and stay focused on their destination. To break the old elastic band and they chose to understand the path ahead is an ever-changing landscape designed to bring out the best within them.

They choose fear as their friend.

I am not saying that to achieve your desired change, it is as simple as listening to your fears in this way. However, it is one essential component that most commonly stops people in their tracks because their fear is merely communicating what is in the subconscious that is holding you back and telling you it is ok. Face it and take yourself to the other side.

Whenever I have made a major decision to change, fear has arrived. Every time I listened to that fear as my friend, it always worked out for my highest good. The more I listened to fear from the perspective of being my friend; it made room for the voice of knowing, power, and potential to amplify.

If you are ready to make a friend of fear and recognize what is holding you back and you feel you need some support from someone who knows the terrain, contact me via my website to set up a call to see how I can accelerate your progress towards your desired outcome.

If you want more, please go to my website, under resources, you will find three powerful meditations as my gift to you. Or, if you would like to join a weekly zoom meditation and insight group, please reach out to me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn to find out more.


Kaye Doran, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine

Kaye Doran is an entrepreneur, facilitator, speaker, women’s leadership and life coach, shamanic healer, and creator of Inner Expressions, helping women realize their leadership from within. An unshakable optimist, she lives with a foot in both worlds – physical and spiritual, working with her unique blend of gifts in connection, knowing, shamanic energy sound healing, and accredited master life coaching. She empowers women with self-worth and the ability to create change. Supporting them to feel and know their inner power moving them beyond their comfort zone and back into the driver’s seat of their life. She has been working with women for three decades – and working on herself longer. Her motto is, “the power of change is in your hands.”



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