Exclusive Interview With Jillian Turecki: The Truth About Love, Heartbreak, and Healing
Brainz Magazine Exclusive Interview
Jillian Turecki is a renowned relationship expert, New York Times bestselling author, and host of the podcast Jillian On Love. Fueled by an insatiable curiosity about what makes a relationship thrive, Jillian has helped millions over the last 20 years through her teachings, courses, social media, and writing to revolutionize their relationship with themselves so they can transform their romantic relationships. She is sought out for her compassionate, direct, and deeply authentic style of coaching, teaching, and writing.
Rooted in her own journey of transformation, Jillian’s insights blend lived experience with emotional precision. In this conversation, she shares what she's learned about resilience, heartbreak, self-worth, and why love isn’t just something we feel, but something we practice.
You’ve been helping people understand themselves and their relationships for over two decades. What originally sparked your passion for this kind of work?
My own pain. My own heartbreak. My own patterns that I didn’t understand—until they brought me to my knees. I became obsessed with understanding why we do what we do in love, why we sabotage, why we stay when we shouldn’t, and how to actually heal. This work started with my own transformation. And once I saw what was possible, I knew I had to help others find the same clarity, self-worth, and freedom.
Many people know what they want in love, but struggle to build it. What do you think is the most common misunderstanding about creating a healthy relationship?
It just happens if you find the right person. That chemistry alone is enough. But love isn’t just a feeling—it’s a daily practice. A healthy relationship requires emotional maturity, communication, nervous system regulation, and self-awareness. It’s not just about choosing the right person. It’s about being the right person, too.
Breakups and heartbreak often feel unbearable, even when we know it’s for the best. What’s your advice for navigating those first raw stages of loss?
Don’t rush your healing. Let it hurt—but don’t let it define you. In those early stages, your nervous system is in shock, your mind is grasping for certainty, and everything feels like too much. So the focus becomes stabilization. That means grounding yourself in routines, asking for support, feeling your emotions without drowning in them, and remembering: this is temporary. You are grieving not just a person, but a future you thought you’d have. Honor that loss—but don’t forget that a new life is forming, too.
Jillian’s approach goes beyond surface-level advice. At the core of her work is a challenge to the deeply ingrained beliefs many people carry into relationships—particularly the idea that love must be earned through performance or perfection.
“The biggest wound I see again and again,” she explains, “is the belief that we have to earn love. So we perform. We chase. We shrink. We forget that love, at its core, is about being, not proving.”
You’ve worked with people from all walks of life. Are there patterns you see that transcend background or upbringing—universal wounds or blind spots we carry into love?
Absolutely. The biggest one? Feeling unworthy of love unless we’re performing for it. So many of us carry this unconscious belief: I have to earn love. So we over-function. We self-abandon. Until we see these patterns, we repeat them. But once we do, everything can change.
Self-worth is often at the root of relationship challenges. In your experience, what helps people truly rebuild a strong, loving relationship with themselves?
Self-worth isn’t built overnight. It’s built through consistent, intentional action. By keeping the promises you make to yourself. By doing hard things that challenge us to grow. By realizing that love is not something to be earned. By replacing self-criticism with self-compassion, not through toxic positivity, but through radical honesty and care. And by showing up for yourself the way you’ve shown up for others.
“Love is not just something we find—it’s something we practice,” Jillian says. Her work is a reminder that growth in love starts from within—and that clarity, healing, and transformation are possible, no matter where you begin.
Imagine you’re designing a ‘relationship resilience toolkit.’ What three tools would you include, and why?
Emotional regulation. Because no relationship can thrive if we can’t manage our reactivity.
Self-inquiry. Anything that helps you see your part clearly and compassionately.
Boundaries. Not as a way to push people away, but to protect your peace and show others how to treat you.
If there’s one question you wish more people would ask themselves before entering—or ending—a relationship, what would it be?
Before entering: What are my values and needs that I cannot compromise on?
Before ending: Am I leaving because I’ve exhausted all attempts at connection, or because I’m afraid of what real intimacy requires of me?
Thank you, Jillian Turecki, for sharing your insights and reflections on the complexities of love, healing, and self-respect.
Don’t miss out—get Jillian’s book here!
