Emotions as Messengers and What Your Anger is Trying To Tell You
Updated: Jun 26
Leonie Blackwell is the founder of Empowered Tapping® and a naturopath with over 30 years' experience in emotional wellbeing. She trains practitioners globally and empowers individuals through her Bwell Institute and personal growth community, the Tappers Tribe.
Most people treat anger as a problem. They try to suppress it, control it, avoid it, or get rid of it altogether. But what if anger isn’t the problem? What if anger is actually information? Think about it for a moment. When you touch a hot stove, pain isn’t the problem. Pain is the message telling you something requires attention. Anger works in much the same way. It often appears when something within us recognises that a boundary has been crossed, a need is not being met, a value has been violated, or a truth is being ignored. The issue isn’t that anger exists. The issue is what we choose to do with it.
The four things people do with anger
When anger arises, most people respond in one of four ways.
1. They attack others
Some people direct their anger outward. They blame, criticise, yell, punish, threaten, or become aggressive. The goal is often to relieve discomfort by making someone else responsible for it. The problem is that while this may provide temporary relief, it rarely resolves the underlying issue. Instead, it often creates more conflict, more distance, and more pain.
2. They attack themselves
Others turn anger inward. Rather than expressing it toward someone else, they criticise themselves. They blame themselves. They tell themselves they should have known better, done better, or been better. The anger does not disappear. It simply becomes self-judgment, shame, self-sabotage, or self-punishment.
3. They suppress it
Many people have learned that anger is unacceptable. So, they push it down. They tell themselves they are fine. They avoid conflict. They remain silent when something matters. But suppressed anger does not disappear. It often reappears as resentment, bitterness, exhaustion, anxiety, depression, physical symptoms, or chronic stress. The body continues carrying what the mind refuses to acknowledge.
4. They listen to it
This is the response that few people are taught. Instead of acting on anger immediately, they become curious about it. They ask, "What is my anger trying to tell me?" "What feels threatened right now?" "What boundary needs attention?" "What need is not being met?" "What matters so much that my system is reacting this strongly?" When we listen to anger rather than feel controlled by it, it becomes a valuable source of information.
The space between anger and action
One of the greatest signs of emotional growth is recognising that not every feeling needs to become an action. Not every thought should be spoken. Not every impulse should be followed. Not every emotional reaction should be expressed.
Many people assume that authenticity means expressing whatever they feel in the moment. But wisdom requires something different. Wisdom requires a pause. Within that pause lies choice. The pause allows us to move from reacting to responding. It allows us to understand our anger before we act upon it. It allows us to ask whether our response will move us closer to the outcome we actually want. The space between anger and action is where freedom lives.
The real purpose of anger
Most emotions serve a purpose. Fear alerts us to potential danger. Sadness helps us process loss. Joy encourages connection and expansion. Anger has a purpose, too. The purpose of anger is protection. Anger mobilises energy. It prepares us to take action. It activates us when something important feels threatened.
The problem is not anger itself. The problem occurs when we become so focused on the emotion that we never investigate what requires protection. Sometimes it is a boundary. Sometimes it is a value. Sometimes it is a need. Sometimes it is something much deeper.
When anger protects identity
Beneath many angry reactions lies an unspoken fear about what an event means about us. A disagreement can feel like rejection. Criticism can feel like inadequacy. Being ignored can feel like insignificance. Being betrayed can feel like proof that we are unworthy of love. The event itself creates discomfort. But the meaning we attach to the event often creates suffering.
Many people spend years trying to manage anger without recognising that the anger is protecting an injured sense of self. Yet we are not born believing we are inadequate, unworthy, unimportant, or not enough.
We are born valuable, worthy, important, significant, and magnificent beings. Life experiences can create fear. Life experiences can create shame. Life experiences can create survival strategies. But they do not define who we are. They simply influence how much of ourselves we can access.
Sometimes anger is pointing toward a situation that needs to change. Sometimes anger is pointing toward a wound that needs to heal. Learning the difference is where wisdom begins.
A different question
The next time anger appears, resist the urge to immediately suppress it, justify it, or act upon it. Instead, become curious.
Ask yourself, "What is my anger trying to protect?" "What is my anger trying to tell me?" Because anger is not the problem. Anger is information. When we learn to listen, it can become one of our many teachers.
Read more from Leonie Blackwell
Leonie Blackwell, Naturopath, Author & Teacher
Leonie Blackwell is a leader in emotional wellness, with over 30 years of experience as a naturopath and educator. She is the creator of Empowered Tapping® and founder of the Bwell Institute, offering accredited practitioner training and transformational personal development. Leonie has worked with thousands of clients, trained hundreds of students, and taught internationally, including trauma recovery programs for refugees. Her published works include Making Sense of the Insensible, The Box of Inner Secrets, and Accessing Your Inner Secrets. She is passionate about helping others live with authenticity, purpose, and joy.
