Don’t Fear the Ask and How to Embrace Your Worth and Request the Raise You Deserve
- Mar 20, 2025
- 5 min read
Written by Mark De'Mar, Life & Business Success Coach
Mark De'Mar is an Operations Director, founder of Three Chords Coaching & a certified Life Coach. He specializes in leadership, operational efficiency, personal growth, helping businesses & individuals optimize performance through strategy & coaching. Passionate about innovation, he shares insights on leadership, transformation and success.
Meet Dexter: He’s a dedicated professional who pours his heart into his job. He works late, helps his teammates, and consistently delivers quality work. Still, every time he thinks about asking for a pay rise, he gets a tight knot of anxiety in his stomach. Does this sound familiar? If you’ve ever hesitated to ask for a raise because you’re scared or unsure, you’re not alone. A recent survey found that 58% of Americans feel apprehensive about requesting a pay increase. The fear of rejection, damaging work relationships, or just not knowing how to start the conversation often keeps talented professionals like Dexter (and maybe like you) from speaking up.
But here’s the truth: 82% of full-time workers who asked for a raise received one. That’s 8 out of 10 people! This means your chances of success are high when you muster the courage and ask. The difference between those who get a raise and those who don’t often comes down to mindset, preparation, and believing you’re worth it.
In this motivational guide, we’ll dive into why you shouldn’t be afraid to ask for a pay raise and how to shift your mindset to do it confidently. Drawing on life coaching techniques from mentors like Mel Robbins and Three Chords Coaching, we’ll cover practical steps from visualization and self-affirmations to reframing limiting beliefs that will empower you to own your worth. Ready to become the hero of your own career story? Let’s begin.
Changing your money mindset: From fear to confidence
It starts in your head. Many professionals fear asking for a raise because of limiting beliefs they’ve picked up over the years. Maybe you’ve caught yourself thinking, “I haven’t earned the right to ask for more” or “I don’t deserve a higher salary”. These thoughts can stem from past experiences or messages that made us doubt our value. Career coaches call these limiting beliefs beliefs that restrict us, often rooted in fear or self-doubt. One common limiting belief is, “I don't think I have earned the right to ask for a raise. Maybe in another year.” Sound familiar?
Reframe your value
Think of your career as a book where you are the main character. If Mel Robbins were coaching you, she’d likely point out that avoiding tough conversations (like raising negotiations) becomes a habit. Robbins’ famous 5-Second Rule teaches us that if you feel the fear rising, count backward 5-4-3-2-1 and take action before doubt takes over. This simple technique interrupts overthinking and gives you a moment of courage to speak up before fear pulls you back.
The power of visualization and self-affirmation
Ever rehearse a big conversation in your head? Visualization is like a secret weapon many athletes and leaders use, and you can use it too before asking for your raise. It’s not woo-woo; it’s science-backed. Visualization means mentally practicing an experience, seeing and feeling yourself succeed so your brain gets comfortable with it.
See it to achieve it
Before you have the raised conversation, picture it going well in vivid detail. For example, imagine walking into your boss’s office with your head held high and your heart steady. Hear yourself speaking clearly: “I’m excited to talk about my growth here and discuss aligning my salary with the value I bring.” Envision your boss nodding, considering your points. See a confident smile on your face as you professionally make your case. Picture the end: a handshake, a thank-you, and a positive outcome. By doing this, you’re training your mind to be more at ease during the real meeting.
Action step: For the next week, spend 5 minutes each day visualizing your raised conversation. Find a quiet space, close your eyes, and walk through the scenario in your mind.
Pro tip: Tie in some deep breathing while you visualize to keep your stress low and focus high. You can try inhaling for 4 secs, holding for 4 secs, exhaling for 4 secs, and holding for 4 secs repeat. (This is called box or square breathing if you want to look into it further).
Affirm your worth to boost your confidence
Let’s talk about self-affirmations, those positive statements you tell yourself to reinforce belief. It might feel odd at first, but speaking kindly to yourself is a proven way to build confidence. Start by countering negative self-talk with affirmations. If a thought pops up like, “I don’t know if I’m good enough,” deliberately replace it with something like, “I am skilled, I am valuable, and I deserve to be paid what I’m worth.”
Your moment of empowerment: Take action now
You are not just asking for a raise; you’re raising your hand for your worth and your future. Confidence is a muscle, and you’ve been training it through these steps. It’s time. It's time to break the status quo of staying silent. It's time to step into the higher, more confident version of you who doesn’t just wish for better pay. They ask for it.
Steps to asking for your pay raise
Shift your mindset: Recognize and challenge limiting beliefs that hold you back.
Visualize success: Picture yourself having a confident, successful conversation about your pay.
Affirm your worth: Replace self-doubt with positive affirmations about your value and contributions.
Prepare your case: Gather evidence of your achievements, market research, and company contributions.
Schedule the Conversation: Choose the right time and request a meeting with your manager.
Stay confident and professional: Present your case with clarity, poise, and gratitude.
Follow up: If the answer is not a yes right away, ask for feedback and a timeline to revisit the discussion.
So, what’s your story going to be? The raise you deserve is waiting. Go get it. For further guidance and a downloadable workbook, check out here.
Read more from Mark De'mar
Mark De'Mar, Life & Business Success Coach
Mark De'Mar is an Operations Director, founder of Three Chords Coaching, and a certified Jay Shetty Life Coach. He specializes in leadership, operational efficiency, and personal growth. With a passion for inclusion, he helps businesses and individuals optimize performance through strategy and coaching. His expertise spans process improvement, team development, and transformation. Mark combines structured operational strategies with personal development insights. He is dedicated to innovation and unlocking human potential. Through his work, he shares valuable insights on leadership, growth, and success.
