Do You Want To Overcome ‘Not Good Enough’?
- Brainz Magazine
- Feb 24, 2022
- 5 min read
Written by: Janet Zaretsky, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
The refrain I hear most often from women ‒ “I think I am not good enough”. Other versions of the same experience I hear and have had to battle myself are: “I am afraid I will be judged”, “I am not the expert”, “What right do I have to…”.
These thoughts/conversations are what psychologists have named ‘Impostor Syndrome’. According to Psychology Today, “[impostors] feel that they aren’t as competent or intelligent as others might think – and that soon enough, people will discover the truth about them.” “Some 70% of individuals will experience imposter syndrome at some point in their lives”, write Jaruwan Skulk and James Alexander in their article “The Imposter Phenomenon,” published in the International Journal of Behavioral Science.
However, many other experts are saying to stop labeling it as Impostor Syndrome and have even said Impostor Syndrome doesn’t exist. In my opinion, labeling it or naming it Impostor Syndrome can either be empowering or disempowering, depending on your point of view. Label it if it helps you. Don’t label it if it doesn’t. The important thing is to see what you say to yourself as not true and be able to move past it.
I know from working with thousands of women over many years that this internal conversation is disabling and robs us of power and robs the world of all the contributions we could contribute but don’t. It is as common in a young twenty-something starting out her career as it is in a C-Suite executive.
Note: It also happens in men, but the majority that deals with this phenomenon are women.
So, why does this happen and what can you do about it?
In all my research and my training in the Neuroscience of Conversations® and ontology, what I know is that it is a brain pattern that is a thinking and acting habit. Now, I want to talk to you, as the reader of this article directly.
Sometime in your life, likely when you were young, there was a moment in time when something happened that was upsetting to you, where you failed to do what you wanted or where you may have even been told that you did not measure up. It doesn't matter what happened, and it doesn’t matter if you can remember it. What is important is to realize that you said something to yourself in the moment that has now become the refrain for your life. Once you did that, you shifted your point of view and began gathering evidence for that, whatever you decided (your version of ‘not good enough’) and by now, it has become ingrained as a thinking and acting (or not acting) habit. It does not matter what you have achieved, or even when you are praised for your achievements, as this internal conversation trumps what others say and your achievements. It is a very well-worn brain pattern. And like electricity, it will take the path of least resistance until you do something deliberately to interrupt it. I am going to give you some ways to interrupt it and then a way to start creating new thinking and acting habits.
1. Write down what you say to yourself in those moments of feeling ‘not good enough’. The exact words.
2. Write down what physical sensations and emotions you have in those moments.
3. Write down what actually happened.
4. Write out what you did or did not do after those feelings came into play.
For example: When someone asks me a question I don’t expect, I have the experience that I am stupid, I stumble over my words and feel embarrassed and I forget what I do know/my expertise.
5. Keep this as a log for each time it happens over a period of time ‒ from a week to a month.
6. Then analyze the log. Look for the patterns of what type of things happen, the common physical sensations, emotions, and exactly what you say.
What you will discover is the pattern is similar and you will be able to see that you are simply recycling thoughts, emotions, and the ways in which you react to the situation. The point of this is to see the pattern AS a pattern versus evidence that you are ‘not good enough’.
7. During this period of time, interview 3 to 5 people in your professional life. Let them know you value their feedback and you promise to not get upset no matter what they say. Ask them 2 questions:
What do you see as my strengths or things you admire about me?
What do you see as areas where I could grow or improve?
8. Write down what they say. What I find is that your normal way of hearing what they have to say will hone in on any areas you see as weak, and you will dismiss the strengths or things they admire because your thinking habit is strong, which is why you must write it down.
9. Then put what they say as the areas of strength/areas where you are admired in a file.
10. At the start of every day, read that file and spend the day looking for evidence of what they said.
When you go through this process, you are accomplishing several things that will make a positive difference in not being victim to your version of ‘not good enough’. First, you are allowing yourself to see it as not the ‘truth’. You are seeing it as a brain pattern. Then you are training yourself to interrupt it. And finally, with the step of a daily reading of the file and looking for evidence of your strengths and areas where you are admired, you are retraining your brain to think differently. You will likely still have that automatic ‘not good enough’ type thought, but you can now see it as not true, not real, and can be fully powerful, accomplish what you want, and fully give your contribution to the world.
The world is waiting and grateful you are here, fully.
Janet Zaretsky, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Janet Zaretsky is a master professional executive coach, Co-founder of Impact Speaking Lab, a corporate trainer, author, and speaker that helps people unleash their brilliance, confidence and visibility in the world. Janet has worked with over 32,000 people in the past 27 years.
Janet is a powerful advocate for ending the gender gap, both in pay and influence. Her work with women has led her to be a frequent contributor to Forbes and the author of the book, “Where’d My Confidence Go… and How Do I Get It Back?”. Known as The BS-to-Brilliance Master, Janet has a gift for having you unapologetically and confidently express yourself – and succeed! – as the unique and powerful professional you are.
Janet's passion for having people express themselves led her to cofound a training organization, Impact Speaking Lab, through which she and her co-founder, Andrew Poles, work with companies to train their employees to be reliably influential in presentations, meetings, sales, and internal and external communication using their neuroscience-based proprietary training methodology.
Additionally, Janet is a two-time TEDX and Keynote Speaker, a corporate trainer and expert in communication and leadership, an International Coach Federation member, Certified Conversational Intelligence Coach, Certified in Behavioral Style Instruments, a graduate of Coach U and Corporate Coach U, former senior program leader for Landmark Worldwide and Co-President of the Austin Chapter of Ellevate Network.
