Do You Understand Yourself?
- Jan 22, 2024
- 5 min read
Written by: Dani Green, Senior Level Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
We want others to understand us. When others understand or agree with us, we feel they are aligned with what we think and who we are. We feel misunderstood when they disagree or unheard when they do not engage in the conversation.
The angst of feeling misunderstood
Whether in a family, as a business staff member, as a student among peers, or as a marriage partner, we strive to voice our opinion and desire for those around us to understand what we are saying. We feel seen and valued when we feel understood.
However, when we seek alignment through agreement and validation, we risk feeling hurt, which can lead to relational conflict. If we want others to understand us and they do not, we experience the angst of feeling misunderstood.
The importance of understanding ourselves
I realize that understanding ourselves is more possible and more important than others understanding us. The first step to understanding ourselves is to patiently observe and gently question our intentions and actions. We can have an inner dialogue of awareness. We will find that we are doing better than we realize, and others are too. We can ask ourselves how we feel, what our actions mean, and how we impact others. Questioning ourselves kindly helps us be curious and open.
Sometimes, when we say what we think out loud, we hear it differently, and we can reevaluate. Is what we think and do beneficial? Are we considering other perspectives?
Our thoughts and actions are either life-giving or life-draining, each with natural consequences. We can reflect, understand where we are coming from, and let the circumstances teach us.
I have been married for nearly 40 years. My husband and I have different views on many things. I study, think, and meditate to stay true to who I am. I am delighted to be me! My husband reads newspapers and news magazines and can speak intelligently about many subjects. We both have our strengths, and we are entitled to our opinions. We agree on life's most important things – love, spending time with family and friends, and helping others.
The trouble of being stuck in our story
Worldview can be understood as a story we tell ourselves. The worldviews of individuals and nations often create opposing factions. We are so stuck in our story! Some will even kill others because of their beliefs. Some are so dogmatic they believe God is on their side, even in violence. We will all wake up one day and realize love matters most.
Another way we can get stuck in our story is by relying on old paradigms. A saying that rings true to me is: “The written word ceases to evolve.” Whether we are turning to Scripture or the law of the land, we must continue to evolve, as individuals and as a culture, into what is truer than what we believed before. If we adhere to a belief that no longer serves the life-giving evolution of humanity and the planet, we must question and change.
I will change my worldview instantly if I am presented with a more inclusive and beneficial truth than what I previously believed. I used to measure my beliefs within a specific community and the written word; now, I find my glorious truth from an inner place of love for all.
We must evolve toward love
We must love one another to survive as a society and a human family. If our beliefs push us to harm each other, we are on the wrong path. If our beliefs force us to hate one another, we must stop and ask ourselves, ‘Why’? Violence and hate are never a solution and are the furthest from the truth.
For some, new ideas are judged as wrong or evil. We are automatically suspicious as a matter of survival for eons. We must take a deep breath and give our survival brain time to adjust to a reality that may be new to us. The most important question is whether the new idea is more loving. If so, we will be on a good path of understanding, moving forward individually and as a society.
Life as teacher
Letting life teach and change us is essential to evolving as a society. We can learn from our collective life experiences. If we put ourselves in our neighbors’ shoes and begin to understand what they are experiencing, we will become more compassionate, inclusive, and loving.
How do we become more aligned?
It is not possible to fully understand another person, and conversely, others will not fully understand us. The solution is understanding ourselves, which will help us be more understanding toward others. Self-love and understanding are deep wells from which to draw. We can grow in contentment and peace with what is.
When we understand that we all have diverse experiences and reactions and different physiological responses to our environment, we can begin to look at everything more broadly. If we could imagine life as though it is all a play and we are actors, we would see life from many vantage points. We can look at life as though we are looking out from each other’s eyes. (I know it sounds spooky, but it really works to broaden our perspective!) We can observe by standing back and simply wondering what will happen next as life unfolds with infinite possibilities!
I struck up a conversation at a coffee shop years ago; we began to talk about spirituality and suffering. Their friend was suffering from alcohol abuse. It came to me instantly that the most important question God has for their friend and all of us is, “How are you today?” Nothing matters more to God – no judgment, only love and care. It is also a good question to ask ourselves and others.
How are you today? I really care!
Let Dani be your guide to understanding yourself
As a hypnotherapist, Dani offers a free 20-minute The Emotion Code session, which helps energetically remove an inherited or current emotion.
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Dani Green, Senior Level Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dani Green is a certified hypnotherapist, speaker, author and spiritual activist. Dani’s core focus and passion is to guide clients to rewrite the past, present, and future Story they tell themselves at the subconscious level and to discover their own Inner Mantras.
Dani has a 12-session course called The Soul Power Experience. The courses, Be Smoke Free and One & D.O.N.E. Weight Release are each six sessions. Dani also offers Intuitive sessions.
Dani opened her hypnotherapy practice in 2015 and uses client-centered hypnotherapy, as well as The Emotion Code, PSYCH-K, and RIM.
