Written by: Viloshni Moodley, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Do you plan your orgasm?
You may ask, why should you?
Well, you go about life planning everything else, so why not?
As humans, we put so much effort into planning; we plan the route we will take to the office, plan the clothes we will wear, plan our breakfast, lunch & supper, plan our bath time, and our choice of recreational activity. All this planning is demonstrated as self-care for oneself. Rightfully, self-care is important and does need planning or will never be prioritized.
Intimate relationships take planning too. Planning helps you to thrive and lack of planning can only result in failure. The benefit of planning for your intimate relationship has benefits that will boost your relationship to unimaginable levels. How, you may ask?
An orgasm is when the body experiences a rise in the intensity of sexual arousal, which peaks for a few seconds and then lowers to a normal level. Studies suggest many biological benefits of an orgasm. Including a healthier immune system and reduction of stress. During the peak, the brain releases a cocktail of neurochemicals such as dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin. These are happy hormones, and the benefits are immense as listed hereunder:
Oxytocin is referred to as the love hormone or cuddling drug, as levels increase during orgasm and cuddling. Increased feelings of love, bonding, and well-being are experienced.
Serotonin Improves mood, social behavior, appetite, sleep, memory, and sexual desire.
Dopamine is the ultimate motivator, regulating sensations of pain and pleasure.
It cannot be stressed upon more the need to have a healthy, sexually fulfilling relationship with the natural benefits oozing through yourself naturally. This is where you take control with your partner, knowing that no one else can make that change except you. You may feel overwhelmed by reading this and wonder where you start.
Just like you plan all other activities, bring sex onto the planning platform. Start small with some of the below-listed ideas and expand. Most importantly, attitude and consistency will make the difference. There is no need to be perfect at it. Having the right intent is what makes the difference.
Sit together in silence or watch a movie holding hands
Plan a date night and sex thereafter
Plan a shower together or a luxurious bubble bath
Plan a game night with sex toys or without – all dependent on the comfort level of both individuals
Plan a weekend in bed
Plan an activity that you both enjoy
As humans, if we want something, we go after it. Once we have what we want, complacency sets in and we tend to take each other for granted. We journey into a mode where the relationship is not granted any planning. Instead, just happens as and when there are time and desire.
Have you and your partner discussed how you make each other feel? Perhaps it is a good time to plan a conversation around this.
Both of you may have fantasies about what you like to experience with each other; however, you both hold back and do not talk about it as there never is an opportunity. Let us face it, when you in the middle of lovemaking, one can move their partner gently into a change of position. However, if you would like to experience something more, it does take planning. For example, you cannot pause the sexual activity and whip out the ropes to experience some bondage if this has not been communicated with your partner.
Communication is essential to planning as a guide hereunder:
I want - This is what you want to get you to the level of excitement you require to orgasm
I will - This is what you will do comfortably. If you are not comfortable in doing these, you will ensure you have terms to how far you will go.
I won’t - These are a definite no to you currently. You could change your mind at a later stage.
The above is a healthy way to set boundaries with clear expectations which have been defined because of the discussion. It leaves no grey area and if there is an agreement, with caution, you will set safewords during the discussion to ensure there is no violation during sexual activity. In the intensity of the moment, it is difficult to set boundaries; however, having done so upfront has planted the seed on how far one can go. At all times, it is important to respect boundaries and not be forceful. It can become a gradual journey taken together as comfort levels and trust increases.
It will certainly feel unnatural at the beginning of this process until you and your partner get into the habit of planning and discussing your intimate lives. It will deepen the bond in the relationship and build trust. You will remove the masks and start communicating openly about what you want to experience and explore with each other. Vulnerability will become the new sexy on this adventure together.
Experiment Explore & Learn together!
Life is short. Make it wild, crazy, sexy & exciting for each other.
Viloshni Moodley, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Viloshni Moodley is an accredited Sexpert practicing as an Online Intimacy Coach. She is the founder and owner of Ultimacy Online, since leaving her over 25 years of management experience within Corporate. Her passion for empowering individuals with positive sex education and breaking the cycle of negative conditioning has influenced her change in career path. She believes relationships are the most important factor to overall well being and thus passionate about making a change to ensure people have more fulfilling relationships. Having a happy, healthy relationship provides balance in individuals and couples. Her work specialises in coaching individuals or couples who wish to achieve certain goals in the bedroom and short courses in different areas of sexuality.