Why Putting Work Into the Workplace Matters During Divorce
- Brainz Magazine
- May 7
- 7 min read
Jennie Sutton is passionate when it comes to Divorce! She is the founder of the online platform, untyingtheknot.me. Here, she offers a one-stop shop for women as an accredited finance, divorce, and domestic abuse coach and in-person court coach, assisting women in rebuilding their lives with confidence.
You may be reading this as a manager, co-worker or company owner. I’ve written this article as if you are the Boss. The boss that makes decisions about the wellbeing support for your employees and truly wants what’s best for them for you to achieve the best impact in the world for your organisation.
With that said, have you ever thought about what emotions your colleagues bring to work? Maybe unresolved arguments with their partners, maybe fizzing resentment or maybe there is all out breakup or relationship ‘war’ which has fragmented their family unit and leads to divorce.
Well, this article will get you thinking about your team, their wellbeing and with the knowledge that at times personal issues land in a public space. So, here’s an opportunity to be there for your team members when that happens, to achieve the best outcome for them and for you as the business owner.
As a team member goes through the divorce experience of the loss of their relationship, they frequently lose their identity together with their financial stability. The deep and personal effect of divorce can spread across their entire wheel of life, including their workplace.
Through my experience as a divorce, domestic abuse specialist, finance coach and professional McKenzie Friend I have helped numerous clients manage their separation chaos. Sadly, at times the workplace can be invisible to their team members’ challenges. That may not be deliberate, it could be the desire of ‘not wanting to go there’ or the colleague is demonstrating a ‘stiff upper lip’ as best they can.
Divorce is classified as a life-changing experience which ranks only below that of the death of a loved one. Interestingly, from an HR perspective, the bereavement process receives clear signals of condolence through the culmination of compassionate leave and yet divorce doesn’t receive similar acknowledgment.
More often, it comes with an awkward or judgmental silence. Colleagues can so easily assume everything is normal since most of the work tasks continue to be completed, although perhaps with less attention to detail.
Performance extends beyond completing workplans. A person's performance depends on their ability to stay present, engaged and focused while maintaining mental wellness. Managers along with team leaders and colleagues must provide their support to employees during this life-changing period because it remains essential for their well-being and the retention of the staff member.
Research reveals the comprehensive consequences that breakup and divorce have on the workplace. It can result in decreased employee productivity, an increased need for unpaid sick leave, legal assistance, and emotional support, ultimately affecting employee retention.
Organisations can address these unfavourable statistics by implementing some of the practical measures outlined in The Workplace and Wellbeing Index 2017.
For simplicity, I’ve put together a four-step guide that you can adopt in the workplace and use now, to assist your colleagues and your business. This practical framework tangibly enhances the workplace for co-workers who are experiencing the emotional trauma of separation and divorce, coupled with the downturn of workplace performance.
W is for Wisdom
Wisdom begins with knowing what’s yours to hold, and what isn’t.
In the workplace, it can be tempting to ask questions under the guise of concern. “What happened?” “Was it your decision?” “What about the kids?” But personal questions, doesn’t always mean appropriate questions.
Wisdom means enabling someone to share what they want, when they want to. Divorce is a layered sandwich, with shame, guilt, fear, and vulnerability. It’s important to give your staff members the space to share their story when the time is right for them in a safe space.
The workplace requires that employers protect their colleagues' confidentiality and avoid sharing information through office gossip, the grapevine. It’s about keeping workplace boundaries in check and discussions focused on work-related topics.
As the owner or manager you can check in gently with your team member. The simplest way to show support is through a statement like; “You are going through a tough time at present; I’m here for you if you need to chat about how we can support you.” This once sentence goes a long way.
A real insight: A female client of mine received flowers at her house from her line manager, who acknowledged her emotional distress without knowing the full details of her divorce. This single act of thoughtfulness brought my client to feel valued, noticed and listened to beyond the four walls of the organisation.
O is for Obligation
Life doesn’t stop because your marriage does.
Staff members that are dealing with divorce experience can present sudden changes in their practical and emotional mood. They can feel overwhelmed, uncertain, and fearful as their heads go into analysing all the worst-case scenarios. Unknown situations like court hearings, meetings with solicitors, as well as mediation sessions can contribute to this.
Employers who recognise these new challenges need to be compassionate about their colleague’s situation, even on a temporary basis. Flexible work arrangements and workload or task adjustments alongside appropriate scheduling of meetings way well help the team member to feel supported in their workplace environment, because as a compassionate leader, you’re coming from a place of understanding and appreciation.
Here’s something to think about to create a compassionate culture in your organisation. Set up a staff member focus group to evaluate the company’s wellbeing framework and policies, with the prospect of adding personal support through divorce assistance. Choose staff that have the lived experience to aid understanding and explore the right type of approach to benefit both team dynamics and the organisation.
A real insight: My client, a Mum was now having to handle all pickup and drop-off duties of her 5-year-old son at primary school. The Father had relocated to a new home which was approximately 40 minutes from the school's location. The Mum was exhausted; there was no breakfast or afterschool facility to support her and her little boy. Her son had to be at school at 08.45 and be picked up at 15.15. My client spent her entire day between work responsibilities, taking care of her son while feeling this overwhelming guilt about missing out on her work. With organisational support, the company modified her work schedule for three months so she could spend time with her son during pre and post school attendance because he was aware that Daddy wasn’t around as much as he used to be. For my client, she had more flexibility around work and so could fulfil her parenting duties without feeling trapped between responsibilities.
R is for Resources
The right resources can mean the difference between just surviving at work and feeling supported there.
Often, people don’t know where to turn when they’re in the thick of it. Divorce is a unique and bespoke process based on needs and emotions. So, a gentle nudge by a compassionate colleague in the right direction can make a world of difference.
Here are some aspects for you to consider:
Does your organisation offer an Employee Assistance Programme (EAP) or Counselling service to support staff?
Does your organisation have a wellbeing lead who oversees employee wellness programmes (occupational health, mental health support)?
Or do you require something else?
I am proud to be an Award-Winning Divorce Coach who offers tailored Breakup and Divorce Support for Staff both in person and via Zoom. I provide emotional support together with financial guidance and courtroom coaching to enable colleagues who face relationship endings, whether they experience divorce, separation or unhealthy relationships, which can impact their everyday.
Signposting team members to expert help enables them to know as an owner or manager, that they are not alone in their situation. You’re there and listening.
K is for Kindness
Kindness is the glue that holds it all together.
Workplaces that prioritise performance and outputs instead of employee wellbeing, commonly lose sight of the emotional experiences their staff maybe living through. Your team members will benefit from genuine kindness through listening, support and flexible work arrangements as well as words of encouragement to build their psychological safety net.
The practice of being kind involves providing support and everyday strategies to manage a smorgasbord of aspects. A team member living through the second most challenging life experience requires space and time. Relationship problems do not stay at the threshold of the home, they come to work in our minds, in our moods, and in our inboxes.
A real insight: I have witnessed the transformative impact of kindness in action. My client, a manager was experiencing a deeply distressing divorce. The HR team provided him with five coaching sessions and granted remote work permission whenever he required peace and a reset. This support strategy provided more than emotional management of the process; it generated enduring workplace loyalty beyond his relationship ending.
During their most challenging hours, for your colleagues to receive the message that they are important to the organisation is of huge value. It clearly demonstrates a caring organisation.
Putting the WORK in WORKplace
Workplaces operate or vibrate at the same level as their staff. The implementation of wisdom together with obligation-awareness, resource-sharing and kindness in your corporate culture enables you to create space for being compassionate with supportive resources that goes beyond heartbreak. Co-workers who receive support tend to be committed to the organisation. This deepens their involvement and contributions which may go on to better team loyalty and staff retention.
When a team member informs you about their divorce situation avoid immediate panic. Don’t withdraw. Don’t assume. It’s simple – remember the WORK acronym.
My final thoughts:
Your team member deserves your respect for their personal story
Appreciate their personal challenges they are currently facing
Signpost them to available resources for support
Show kindness to enable them to carry on with dignity
The world keeps spinning when your own colleague’s world feels like it’s ended. Your workplace can function as a foundation for healing and recovery. Something that is beyond the monthly profit and loss. It’s a measure of organisational support and compassion.
Read more from Jennie Sutton
Jennie Sutton, Accredited Women's Divorce & Court Coach
Having experienced her own 30-year marriage end in divorce, Jennie turned her experience into a mission to support other women. As an accredited divorce and family court coach, she supports women who are faced with the additional challenges of domestic abuse. With twenty years as a coach and firsthand insight, she provides reassurance and guidance every step of the way. To Jennie, untying the knot is about finding the end to make a new beginning.
