Written by: Melinda Briton, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
From time to time the diagnosis of austism, ADHD, giftedness, dyspraxia, dyslexia … or ANY of the ‘ias’ (there are a few of them!) brings comfort – “Ahhhhh! It’s not my bad parenting! It’s not my cooking skills! It’s not because I didn’t give them a first birthday party!”
But often the diagnosis brings anxiety, guilt and overwhelm to the parent, not to mention sadness and a sense of loss for the life and experiences we wanted for our child.
When a child gets assessed and diagnosed, parents will often ask me, with a sense of urgency, ‒ “What is the best thing I can do for my child right now?”
People often think I will say, “Find a tutor/extra reading/fun maths games/more discipline/social skills class,” etc...
If done well, none of these things would be problematic. But often parents are surprised at the answer I DO give as the top priority:
Are you ready to be blown away?
Find support for you.
It’s the old, ‘fit your own mask before assisting the children’ chestnut.
As the parent, you have an enormous opportunities for teaching and modelling of helpful ‘big emotion’ strategies, and any of these differences will bring big emotions, both for you and for your child.
So really, it turns out to be a win win!
But how is this done and where does one start?
Here are 3 really helpful ways you can get support:
1. Find an online or in person support group
Not all support groups are created equal. Find a support group that meets your needs ‒ is mostly filled with supportive people, strategies, and a safe place for you to discuss the issues you’re having around your child’s differences and how it is making you feel. Don’t be afraid to join lots of them, and then leave all of them except the one that works for you.
2. Find a psychologist, counsellor, or therapist for yourself
In Australia, you can go to your GP and get a mental health plan. This means that there will often only be a small gap to cover when paying for a psychologist appointment. Some art therapists and counsellors can also come under various mental health plan schemes. If you can’t afford to go to a therapist, there are quite a few psychologists sharing very helpful information online as a stop gap. This does not mean you have to accept everything they say! Think about it more like a buffet style meal ‒ take what appeals to you and leave the rest.
3. Take ‘you’ time
I can feel the rolled eyes and the shrugged shoulders! I know that this is easier said than done. But this is truly, truly one of the most effective and important things that any parent can do for their children, let alone parents of children who require extra support.
Not only does ‘you time’ model the importance of self-reflection, and supplying oneself with what one needs, but it provides you the time to express and process emotions in the way you need to. Sometimes the way we need to express emotions is not appropriate in the context of the home, and yet these emotions DO need to be expressed!
Perhaps this is sitting alone in the garden for half an hour on the weekend, having farmed the children out to friends or family. Perhaps this is taking yourself away for a weekend once a term, to cry and paint and journal. Perhaps this is going to see an art therapist once a month or taking a class to support your own hobby.
Whatever you choose to do, ‘you time’ can be made even more effective as an educational tool for your child by having deliberate and open conversations about why you are doing it. When I say ‘open conversations’, I don’t mean you give your child every detail of your emotional life! But rather that you would discuss the need and normality to self-reflect and listen to our bodies and our brains for what we need to process the feelings life brings. Obviously, this must be done in an age-appropriate way!
When you have a child for which the system is not designed, a child whose brain runs faster, thinks higher, feels more deeply, and takes a bit longer than the system is allowing for, there are going to be lots and lots of big emotions that you as the parent are going to have to come to terms with.
Having support to do this can be the best thing you can do for your child.
And the sooner the better.
Melinda Briton, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Melinda Briton became an art therapist after noticing, as an educator for over a decade, a gross inability between students and teachers alike to identify and regulate emotions in the classroom. Having a deep passion for effective and equitable education, she wondered how she might fill the niche. Meli Swan Art Therapy was born. Meli believes that having a solid foundation in emotional processing is a key element in effective education for both neurotypical and neurodiverse people. She brings her expertise as a Teacher for the Supported, music teacher and drama teacher (k-10), and her personal experience with a Learning Difference to her roll as art therapist.
