Dealing with Discomfort and How Challenge Shapes Your Strongest Self
- Mar 6
- 7 min read
Updated: Mar 10
Eszter Noble is an RTT® practitioner, Clinical Hypnotherapist, and Coach, specializing in anxiety, fears, and depression. Her method utilizes the most effective techniques from CBT, NLP, psychotherapy, and hypnotherapy, with the ability to provide freedom from any issues and deliver permanent, lasting solutions.
We all have different lives, different issues, and experiences, but one thing that unites many of us is a strong urge to keep kicking the can down the road. We procrastinate as if we’re getting paid for it, we have a whole host of excuses and we have too many tools to avoid discomfort consistently. Dealing with discomfort is crucial because it is the pathway through which your brain, body, and nervous system learn, grow, and become more resilient over time. Avoiding discomfort may feel soothing in the moment, but it often keeps anxiety, low mood, and self-doubt in place in the long term.
Different types of discomfort
Most of us may not even realise just how often we pacify ourselves throughout the day, throughout our lives, but every time you grab your phone for a quick scroll, unnecessarily approach the fridge, or make jokes to avoid a serious conversation, we are choosing to distance ourselves from discomfort.
Discomfort comes in several interconnected forms that challenge us to grow, physical (like pain, fatigue, or hunger), emotional (such as sadness, shame, anger, or fear), cognitive (including confusion, doubt, overthinking, or boredom), social (like awkwardness, fear of judgment, or conflict tension), behavioural (urges to escape habits, cravings, or restlessness during change), existential (questions of purpose, identity, or mortality), and moral (inner conflict when actions clash with values, sparking guilt or remorse). These types often overlap in daily life, for instance, social awkwardness might trigger emotional shame and cognitive overthinking. Staying strong and tolerating these emotions is essential for building resilience, as avoiding them just reinforces anxiety and stagnation. Facing these feared emotions, though, fosters adaptability and self-efficacy.
Take a moment, next time you reach for your phone, for no apparent reason, and ask yourself, “What am I trying to avoid?” Maybe it’s reading an email that could bear bad news, maybe you’re avoiding a mind-boggling, boring task, or just uncertainty on how to proceed with something. Whatever it may be, do not underestimate how these consistent actions are training and re-wiring your mind for failure. Over time, you become less efficient by solidifying these harmful new habits of procrastination, you weaken your resilience, and make escape the new norm in everyday situations.
Practical steps to deal with discomfort
Before we get into how to deal with discomfort, and looking at some actionable steps, I’d like to emphasize something. Do not mistake taking action for dealing or healing. What do I mean by that?
Say you’re upset about someone not texting you back in time. The person is clearly delaying getting back to you, she/he probably didn’t drop the phone into a bottomless pit and you just sense that something is off. Wanting to feel empowered and to get rid of the uneasy, uncomfortable feeling of being neglected, you ‘take action’ by jumping back on a dating app to look for someone else. Unfortunately, this does not solve the problem and just puts a flimsy bandage over your wound.
The discomfort you really need to be dealing with, is why the silence is upsetting you so much, what old wound is being ripped up? What unmet need is still screaming in the background, being drowned out by endless scrolling and other pacifying activities? Unless you deal with the actual issue, you will inevitably just repeat the cycle over and over again, while drowning in self-pity. Instead, assess your situation and ask yourself the tough questions you’ve been putting off for far too long.
If you’re not sure which questions you need to be asking, then just use what I call the various whys. Why do I feel like that? Why do I do that? Why did I react like that? Why do I feel a need for that? Be a bit like a 2-year-old, and relentlessly keep asking ‘why’ until you get to the bottom of the issue.
Another way you could approach situations is to start small to build tolerance without overwhelm:
Name it: Label the discomfort precisely, "This is social anxiety, not danger". By doing this, you shrink the power it has over you.
Breathe through: Use 4-7-8 breathing (inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, and exhale for 8) to calm your nervous system in 60 seconds.
Stay present: Ground with 5-4-3-2-1 (5 things you see, 4 you touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste) to anchor in the present moment.
Reframe: Ask: "What skill is this building?" or “What can I learn from this?” in order to shift from threat to opportunity.
Act anyway: Take one tiny step, like sending that email, to prove you can handle it.
Our brain perceives unfamiliar situations as a threat a lot of the time, so we really have to take charge and prove to ourselves and our mind, just how capable we are, when dealing with discomfort.
Who is in charge here anyway?
Continuing on from my previous point, it’s really important to understand who exactly should be in charge. Most of us don’t realise that our mind has an agenda of its own, and it doesn’t care if you thrive, as long as you survive. As everything is better with an example, let's look at a classic situation around cravings. Just imagine it’s about 4 o’clock in the afternoon, your stomach isn’t growling excessively, but you feel a certain craving. You just want a little something, not a meal, but a pick-me-up, as we like to call it. Unfortunately, by indulging in the pick-me-up, you are letting yourself and your fitness goals down. You say it’s just one time, but oddly enough, you used the same reasoning yesterday and the day before. That little craving is far from life-threatening, you are not malnourished and probably won’t pass out from hunger, yet somehow you allow your mind to whisper that story. It’s a slight discomfort that will pass. Drink water, and don’t let your discomfort dictate your actions.
Transform struggle into strength
Each time you sit with discomfort instead of fleeing, you signal to yourself, "I am capable." This stacks up into unshakeable self-trust, reducing anxiety's grip and opening doors to bolder goals. Your strongest self isn't born in comfort, it's sculpted in the fire of what feels hard right now. Lean in, and watch who you become. Anything worthwhile will have some form of sacrifice attached to it. You can transform struggle into strength by feeling it, learning from it, and then turning those lessons into new habits and standards for how you live.
1. Start by telling the truth about the struggle
Name exactly what is hard right now (loss, rejection, burnout, health, etc.) instead of using a general “I’m not okay.”
Allow the emotional impact (crying, anger, numbness) rather than suppressing it, because processing opens the door to growth and healing. And don’t worry, the tears won’t flow forever, once you allow it. Suppressing and ignoring your feelings will be much worse in the long term.
2. Reframe what the struggle means
Shift from “This shouldn’t be happening” to “This is my training ground. What is this here to teach me?” This is a crucial move in stress‑related and post‑traumatic growth.
Use language like “That strategy failed” instead of “I’m a failure,” so the difficulty becomes data, not identity, this is closely linked to learned optimism and builds better long‑term resilience.
3. Extract specific lessons
Always ask yourself, “What did this reveal about my strengths (coping, persistence, empathy)?” “Where are my limits or blind spots (boundaries, perfectionism, people‑pleasing)?”
“What matters more to me now (values, priorities, relationships, health)?” Post‑traumatic growth research shows that people often emerge with clearer values and a deeper appreciation for life.
4. Turn lessons into practices
Struggle becomes strength only when it shows up in your behaviour. Awareness is only the first step. For example, if a relationship rupture taught you about boundaries, you practice saying “no” earlier and more clearly.
If burnout exposed over‑functioning, you set a new standard for rest, start delegating tasks more, and saying “enough for today.”
If anxiety showed you your sensitivity, you treat it as a signal to ground, breathe, and take one small action instead of freezing.
5. Rewrite the story you tell about yourself
Integrate what happened into a coherent story. “This broke me open and taught me X, Y, Z. Now I show up differently.” Consciously update your identity beliefs (from “I’m not strong” to “I’m someone who has survived and grown through”), which is the key to letting go of the past and creating a bright future for yourself. The truth is, no matter who wronged you in the past or even just this morning, unjust as it may have been, it’s now entirely up to you to save yourself. No one is coming to the rescue, so take control of your life and create the future you desire and deserve.
Read more from Eszter Noble
Eszter Noble, Clinical Hypnotherapist & Coach
Eszter Noble is an established Clinical Hypnotherapist using the RTT® (Rapid Transformational Therapy) method, trained by world-renowned hypnotherapist Marisa Peer. She is known for handling extremely difficult cases and clients who have been stuck for years and have tried it all. Specializing in anxiety, fears, and depression, she is extremely intuitive and honest, dedicated to empowering her clients to become the best possible versions of themselves. Offering her expertise in English, German, and Hungarian, Eszter’s mission is to take the taboo out of therapy.
