Converting Grief Into Power ‒ Lessons From Butterflies
Written by: Jenny Dilts, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Have you ever watched the transformation of a caterpillar to a butterfly?
Last summer my family ordered some live caterpillars from a company and were able to observe their metamorphism. It was an incredible experience for us and I learned many valuable life lessons in the process. At each stage, I saw how their transformation is similar to the grieving process.
When the caterpillars arrived my kids were so excited. Despite our best efforts and warnings, they got the boxes and shook them. This is often what Grief does to us. It shakes us up and turns our world upside down. When we opened the box, we quickly checked to make sure the caterpillars were still alive. Thankfully they all were.
The caterpillars were about the width of a charging cable and as long as the first joint of my thumb. Periodically the caterpillars would stop moving and I watched them as I held my breath, checking on them one by one until I saw movement, making sure they were ok. Grief can put us into survival mode where it takes all that we have just to keep breathing and moving.
Over the next week or two, we watched as the caterpillars grew fatter and longer. Pretty soon they were about the size of a large paperclip. Then they started attaching themselves head down in a J-shape to the holding container. They were transitioning into their chrysalis stage. In the grief journey, this may be the phase when we seek comfort in staying busy or eating foods just because they’re there. We continue on this way until we realize that our life has turned upside-down and we are no longer moving in the “right direction”.
In the chrysalis stage, the insects were still and usually motionless. Sometimes though, they would shake violently at the perceived threat of a predator. In these times I again watched and held my breath, hoping that they were still ok. Oftentimes with grief, we need some quiet and alone time to process. Other times we become agitated and may lash out at those closest to us. Through both though, we are undergoing our own metamorphic journey and will in time emerge as beautiful butterflies, flying freely in our new identity and soaring to heights we never before imagined.
When we first opened the package, we read of the butterflies’ metamorphic journey. But watching it for ourselves brought the process to a whole new level, one that was nothing short of miraculous. Like with Grief, reading about others’ healing journeys is one thing. Experiencing your own metamorphosis is quite another. A previous client once told me that being supported through the grief following her sister’s death by suicide had “eternal significance” for not only her, but for her family as well. If you would like someone to support you on your own transformational grief journey, visit my website and schedule a time to explore how you might convert your grief into power.
Email me at jenn@grievingcoach.com and visit my website. You can also reach out by phone at +1-925-335-6437.
Jenny Dilts, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Jenny Dilts stands as a lighthouse for people in grief. Her naturally calming and soothing personality brings a sense of peace and security to those around her. Jenny's journey as a Grief Coach began when she sat with a friend days after her husband's sudden death. Holding that space for her unlocked and ignited a passion for supporting others in their grief. Another pivotal experience for Jenny was guiding a friend through the grief following her sister's death by suicide. Jenny's ability to appreciate both the darkness and the light guides others to move forward with their grief, create a new normal for themselves, and build a relationship with Grief and Gratitude. Jenny is the founder of Grieving Coach and host of the podcast Share Your Story where we explore humanity one soul at a time.
