Written by: Leah Marmulla, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
How often have you reflected on your life and thought, “What am I doing here?” It seems you have hit the magical wake-up call, or what Erikson would call the Critical Challenge. Things have been moving along ok, not great, but bearable. Then, there is such gradual unrest starting somewhere in your psyche. A bit apathy, slight with another, motivation for tasks or people start to wane. Your eyes, and mind might even start to wander to different ideas, interests, being curious about how green the grass could be somewhere else. In a different job, friendship, a country even.
What do you do when you suddenly realise you are living a life not in your best interest now?Your interests have changed, you have learnt more about life and yourself. You’ve witnessed and experienced different ideas as you lived more. With each new experience, discussion, and reflection, you now see so many other ways of thinking, feeling, and being and still stay alive. You might even feel more alive now that you are experimenting with different ideas, situations and a range of beliefs. The challenge is real, and stepping out of our familiar-safe space into potentially foreign territory, the unknown has a huge potential risk.
The fear and apprehension are understandable. What if you are rejected, kicked out of your current circle of connections, ridiculed or blamed for becoming different? Be triggered to feel guilty for changing your mind, owning your life, adventures, career or heart. You are blamed for hurting others or abandoning them along your journey of truth? . What if the new choice you make is still not right? Are you allowed to correct judgement errors, experiment and test what is more suitable for you, your life, your values and above all, who you choose to become?
These fears are legitimate and are embedded in the DNA. Fortunately, living in a family and tribe doesn’t equate to survival against attacks and starvation in our current time in history. In many cases with such family dysfunction, staying causes more harm and is life-threatening. This knowledge alone could give hope, and alleviate apprehension towards change. Yes, you might be kicked out of the familiar networks and judged for choosing differently. You may need to meet new groups or networks, but it is potentially another life-expanding adventure with more inner knowing and strength.
Something else to consider, “Are you responsible for other’s reactions and feelings?” This may sound like a flippant question, but I will challenge you back. You are responsible for your own being, your life, emotions, choices, etc. It is in your body your emotions are felt. We cannot be accountable for triggering another’s physiological change. Yes, we are accountable for decisions, actions and how they are delivered. Ultimately though, is our life to be lived according to other’s dictates or are we to live by our own? Support others as possible and appropriate to develop their self-awareness and healing journey.
When we feel guilt, shame, or are beholden to others, we cannot be authentic to ourselves. There is an internal war between what we believe to be correct, true or should be and meeting other’s expectations. The battle is real. But, unless you purposefully cause another’s demise or hurt another who cannot protect, defend, or proactively engage in self-protection, the full responsibility is on the perpetrator. So let go fo the guilt, shame and binds that are keeping you stuck in the past and not flying high on your journey of inner truth.
The concept of our life is our choice; our responsibility holds true for us all.
We are responsible for our life choices.
How we interpret others’ choices how they live their authentic life.
We are all born with the innate ability to tap into and live from our highest powers. Yet, our earliest experiences dictate our adult biases, fears, limitations, perceptions and choices, whether they are healthy or not. This is the past, and now as adults, we are responsible for our life choices. Therefore a requirement of adulthood is to question the dogma we live from, healing and consciously choosing how we live our life from this point on. Learn again how to tap into our innate life force of guiding truth.
Unfortunately, in our current cultural society, psychological-emotional self-development is either not encouraged or is frowned upon. Could this fear stem from the need to take responsibility but being blamed by our family, partners, bosses, or called ‘the crazy’ over there? For, if we become more accountable, we are also responsible for the level of enjoyment, achievements, and impact on ourselves and others?
Live from the truth, be authentic, self-responsibility doesn’t seem a common character trait but is becoming popular? To be responsible is to live a life of purpose that aligns with chosen values, to live from Universal Laws, pure love, acceptance. Supporting others to be their best and not be gap fillers of their perceived inadequacies and insecurities. Cheering another towards achieving their best and happiest states. Unfortunately, many invest their efforts to thwart, undermine and condemn the one who chooses their unique path. Those who choose to become the best version of themselves possible and invest in a life worth living by using their God-given gifts and talents for collective elevation towards our highest possible engagement?
Who are we to judge others if we do not want to be judged?
The challenge is real. Making conscious choices around being real, and honest to ourselves is vital. Declaring “I am becoming my best possible self” and do so even when it goes against your entire familiar-safe history. To run the risk of exile from the perceived familiar-safe. To be ridiculed and crucified on the stake for the sake of being the new version of you.
The cost of not embarking on this journey is equally defining and threatening. The cost of staying small, in fear, living by other’s rules, expectations, and limitations. Compromising yourself to keep the peace, sacrificing you, undermining your truth to protect another’s ego or fears goes against the ultimate goal of living a life of integrity and truth.
Yet, we still need to choose. Our life is ours, to decide how to live it. What to say yes and no to. Place our emotional and physical safety before or above others. For, if we deflect self-responsibility to another, our life is at the mercy of their personal intentions. The key to creating your path towards a life of purpose is to learn about yourself, what is essential for you. Developing clarity about yourself, who you choose to be, building your self-belief, courage to stand tall and weather the challenges that come your way through your evolution.
Are you ready, though? Is your desire strong enough to surrender your fears, learn, heal, forgive and transform the parts of your past so you can Create Your Life on Your Terms?
Want to learn more from Leah? Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, Linkedin and visit her website.
Leah Marmulla, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Leah has been to the dark side and back at least three times. It was during her last life attempt that triggered a deep realization. She recalls thinking, "If I'm not allowed to leave, then I need to work out how to live." With this realization, Leah deep-dived into her own shadow sides and now shares with others her passion — 'creating life on one's own terms.' We all have a choice, but often we are so buried under other's expectations and rules we feel hopeless and disconnected. Growing out of the painful past, resulted in Leah authoring What the Mind Sees, the Body Feels, Creates and Attracts, and an Awareness and Accountability Journal of self-awareness, discovery, and manifestation towards the person the reader chooses to be and live from.
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