Beyond Tolerance – How Innovation and Care Drive Systemic Change
- Brainz Magazine
- Jan 14
- 5 min read
Written by Gemma Gains, Director
Gemma Gains is a Space Holder and Facilitator in the world of healing and transformation. She specializes in the subtleties of reading and harnessing energy.
What if the key to transformative change lies not in enduring hardship, but in measuring its impact and addressing its root causes? This article explores the shift from tolerance as mere survival to innovation born of care, highlighting the power of self-respect and honesty in reshaping both personal and societal systems. By becoming the engineers of our own lives, we can move beyond mere endurance and create lasting change for a healthier, more connected world.
Make measuring impact, rather than enduring harm, child’s play
I was woken at 4 a.m. with the design for this article fully formed, clear, crisp, and complete. I didn’t even need to get out of bed to write it. But on my way to make a cup of tea, because before there is life, there is tea, at least in my reality, I noticed my son’s Christmas and birthday presents sitting on the floor, unopened. And the article wrote itself.
Challenge accepted
Tolerance has been a defining theme in my life. Growing up in a chaotic environment, tolerance wasn’t a virtue, it was a necessity. I learned early how to endure, how to read the room, how to accommodate instability in order to stay safe.
I used to ask myself, "Why does no one help? Why does no one do anything?"
Tolerance is not peace
Powerless in the face of my caregivers’ behavior and decisions, unable to save myself, I looked outside my family dynamic to find the control I longed for.
My mother was the most empathic, kind-hearted, loyal woman you could ever meet. Her agreeable nature and fear of conflict, however, kept both herself and her children in chaos.
Observing patterns
When you grow up inside this kind of dynamic, you begin to recognize it everywhere. People enter systems like healthcare, education, and social services because they want to help, to make a difference in their communities. Over time, many become disillusioned and lose momentum.
They care deeply. Yet most are fearful of what true change demands, shaped by their own histories of what happens when you challenge authority.
I see my mother’s love and good intentions reflected in so many of our social services. I also see my own childhood powerlessness. Over the years, I have worked alongside extraordinary people in these systems, humans working themselves to exhaustion trying to facilitate change.
And still, the question returns, "Why does no one help?"
When I became a single parent, my son was still a baby. Two friends, Alex and Michelle, quietly carried me through those early years. They cooked for me, welcomed me into their families, shared baby items, and offered support without spectacle. They were heaven-sent.
What I’ve come to understand is this. Tolerance is an incredible survival skill, but a poor engine for transformation. It teaches us how to cope, not how to intervene. It keeps systems intact, even when those systems are harmful.
The women around me all knew tolerance. They tolerated parenting alone, navigating hardship without systemic support, and they supported me in the same quiet, effective way.
Tolerance is a social lubricant
Innovation, however, is rarely born from tolerance. It emerges from people who care too much to accept what isn’t working.
When the body says no
Humans are not machines. We have limits, and I reached mine. I had not slept properly for months. I began collapsing from exhaustion and stress.
People agreed with me. They empathized. They said they understood. And then they said, “We can’t do anything about that.”
Tolerance is not enduring discomfort. It is having the courage to stay human with one another.
Society fears conflict more than it fears dishonesty
This article is not about being kind, it is about being honest, without cruelty.
We have become adept at hiding emotional immaturity behind policies and procedures, using stories to avoid presence. We minimize, demoralize, and turn away when things become uncomfortable. Unsure of what to say, we say nothing. Afraid of making mistakes, we do nothing.
Honesty with ourselves can be brutal. When we truly acknowledge the uncertainty and stress we carry daily, we realize we were never taught how to sit in discomfort, how to voice our needs, or how to ask for support without shame.
The engineer begins work
When I became a parent, listening deeply to my son’s needs, I realized something profound. I was no longer powerless over my reality. I was the engineer of it.
Instead of tolerating my existence, I redesigned it.
I began measuring rather than enduring waste, risk, inefficiency, and harm. My body became the gauge. It could not lie. It did not care about expectations or appearances. If it didn’t feel safe, it told me. If it felt calm and alive, it told me that too.
I engineered a new way of living based on bodily truth, how I lived, what I ate, how I raised my son, and how I structured my days.
That truth transformed me. It allowed me to become a healer, first for myself, then for my community. I found a level of self-confidence and abundance that many only dream of.
Caring about outcomes, not appearances
An engineer does not tolerate a bridge that “mostly works.”
Self-respect is where tolerance ends, and care begins.
When my son was very young, I taught him this. I taught him to say no, to walk away when something didn’t feel right, and to refuse physical contact if he didn’t want it. I encouraged him to communicate his needs and to challenge me when he disagreed.
His autonomy was central to our relationship. I wasn’t raising a compliant child, I was raising a man. My intention was for the bridge to last forever. From the outside, this challenged the system’s narrative.
True interdependence, repair after conflict, changed behavior as apology, the capacity to hold different perspectives while remaining connected, these are the tolerances we actually need within our systems.
Beyond the individual
My story is a microorganism within society. Change threatens systems because it replaces control with accountability. In engineering, tolerance is an expression of care. In society, it has become a substitute for it.
Whether in families or institutions, interdependence and sustainability must be the intention.
Innovation born from self-respect reveals the gifts a system was always capable of holding.
The truth of our bodies must be placed front and center, a compass through the quagmire of societal norms and martyrdom. When individuals are encouraged to become engineers of their own lives, equipped with discernment rather than endurance, care rather than compliance, and engagement rather than acceptance, systems begin to shift.
We must build systems in symbiosis, systems that measure connection and health, where success is defined by social well-being rather than endless growth.
Read more from Gemma Gains
Gemma Gains, Director
Gemma is a space holder, guiding you as a compassionate, protective, and dedicated shepherd through the subtle energies of your field. With patience and wisdom, Gemma uses her intuitive card readings, deep conversation, and body work to help release blockages and heal generational traumas, realigning your energetic flow. Drawing on principles of quantum physics, Gemma can help you understand how your inner world reflects your relationships with yourself, others, and the Earth. As your unwavering guide, Gemma is dedicated to supporting you in returning to a "right" relationship with yourself, while leaving you with full autonomy over your healing journey. Her intention is to empower you to reconnect with your true self and cultivate harmony within your body, energy, and the world around you.
