Before Silencing Your Pain, Ask It This Question
Updated: Dec 18, 2025
Psychologist Helping Professionals & Parents Resolve Depression, Anxiety, ADHD, Trauma, and Live a Fulfilled & Bold Life | Author of the Bestseller Book, “You Are Not-Depressed. You Are Un-Finished.” | Keynoter & Podcaster
Physical pain is not always a problem to silence, but a message waiting to be heard. When scans show nothing and symptoms persist, the body may be expressing emotions the mind has learned to suppress. This article explores pain as a meaningful signal, revealing how unresolved stress, grief, and trauma speak through the body, and how listening, rather than numbing, can become a powerful path to healing and integration.
Your pain says what your mouth won’t. “There’s nothing like a little physical pain to keep your mind off your emotional problems.” ― John E. Sarno, M.D. Dear colleagues,
Certain moments in therapy feel particularly tender. Hopeful. That’s when the focus shifts from “managing symptoms” to listening for meaning. Especially when lingering physical pain takes center stage. I might gently ask a client, “Do you have a sense of what your physical pain might be trying to tell you?”
Reactions vary, relief at finally facing a burden, a rush of past memories, a surprising lightness and liberation, or a physical tightening and a request to pause. Progress often accelerates after such moments.
We live in a world flooded with communication, social media, email, Slack, texting, emojis. Yet when it comes to the language of our own pain, we’re oddly tone-deaf.
Every day, in U.S. adult primary care clinics, around one-third of visits are due to pain-related complaints. Labs and scans often come back “normal.” The visit gets stamped “functional illness.” Real suffering, no visible diagnosis. Many clinicians are well aware that pain is often depression in disguise (with anxiety as a frequent partner).
We’re quick to mute pain. Painkillers. Numbing out. Pushing through. Repeating the cycle. In my therapy work, I see the same pattern. Clients’ bodies “keep talking” long before their minds are ready to listen. We can do better.
Pain is a signal, not an adversary
Treat your pain like a message. Two patterns are at play.
First, you feel overwhelmed. Pain is the body's "armoring," bracing, and tightening that appears when physical or emotional tension has nowhere to go. Next, you suppress your feelings. Pain then flares and freezes when your system is revved up with no outlet. It’s your body saying, “This is too much. Do something.”
Lingering pain is an unfinished business. It can mean your body still remembers what your mind wants to forget, but can’t. Those are the times you were overwhelmed, vulnerable, or ignored. And you had to appease or please to feel loved, accepted, or included.
When you’re in pain, your body becomes tense and watchful. Muscles stay engaged. Stress chemicals like adrenaline and cortisol rise. Over time, this constant pulsating exhausts your tissues and nervous system, leading to pain, soreness, fatigue, and even injury.
Pain remembers what you’re enduring, but not yet resolved
There is wisdom in pain. Pain can signal unhealed injury, unresolved neglect, anger, grief, or trauma. Sometimes pain is healthy, your body’s way of nudging you to slow down long enough to heal.
Common pain patterns include:
Tension headaches and tight jaws
Soreness, locked shoulders, or neck
Shooting pain down the arms or legs
Lower back pain that “comes out of nowhere”
Chest compression, aching heart (often in men)
Knotted stomachs (often in women)
Feel it to heal it
There is hope. Pain can dissolve or lessen, sometimes swiftly, when emotions and sensations are expressed. Not “fixed.” Not forced. Just acknowledged directly and honestly. The next time your pain flares up (and it’s medically safe), try this short exercise.
Begin with a centering practice, breathing in. Practice being here and now. No judgment. Place a hand on the painful area. Notice any physical sensations.
Then gently do these:
Feel it. “Pain, where are you bracing me?” What might your pain, sensations in your gut, back pain, chest pressure, say if it could speak?
Remember it. “What feeling or truth might you be holding for me?” As you notice your pain, what sensations, images (sounds, smells, colors), behaviors, memories, or meaning might arise? • What shape, size, or temperature does it have?
Act it. “If you were trying to protect me, what would you be protecting me from?” Is there a “no” you never said? A grief you never cried? A fear you keep overriding? Anger? Conflict? Abandonment? Disappointment? Expresses your feelings boldly, fully, lovingly. No more silence.
Write down what shows up. Don’t censor. Just listen. You may find that, as your sensations become clearer, the pain shifts, throbs, and reduces even slightly. Congratulations! That’s your mind and body integrating.
Healing isn’t about fixing. It’s about remembering your truth.
If you recognize yourself in these words, reach out to explore whether working together could help you move from “performing fine” to feeling alive.
Read more from Dr. Ardeshir Mehran
Dr. Ardeshir Mehran, High-Achievers Depression & Anxiety Disruptor
Dr. Ardeshir Mehran is disrupting the mental health field. His mission is to help heal depression and to ease he emotional suffering of people across the world. Everyone else portrays depression as an immovable cause, a mood disorder that must be treated. Dr. Mehran busts this myth and focuses attention on the real culprit, the unfulfilled life we must lead when we deny our birthrights. He is the developer of The Bill of Emotional Rights©, based on 30 years of research, coaching, and clinical work. Ardeshir is a psychologist, trauma therapist, and behavioral researcher. He has a Ph.D. and a Master's from Columbia University, New York City. He lives in Northern California with his wife, son, and Lucy (the family’s golden retriever).
